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Walking toward healing: Rehab for the broken hearted

Pam and I are both writers who are part of a group called Hopewriters. We met in person several years ago at the World Conference for the American Association of Christian Counselors. I sat in on her workshop and listened intently as she shared her story and suggestions on how to help widows navigate grief. I resonated with so many of her personal experiences and her practical advice. I’m grateful she is sharing her words with all of us here today.

Guest post by Pam Luschei

Living in southern California for over 40 years, I’ve kept several earthquake kits in my garage.  Flashlights, candles, water and canned food offer reassurance that I will survive in an emergency.  Thankfully, I’ve never had to use them.  I like to be prepared for emergencies. But what about the disaster you don’t prepare for? Is there a survival plan when your world turns upside down?

In 2018, my husband and I had just returned from a missions trip to Costa Rica where we had spent 10 days serving, encouraging and helping pastors in the lush hills of this beautiful country.  We were reflecting on the trip, and I had left the room. When I returned, it looked like my husband had fallen asleep. As I got closer, I saw that something was definitely wrong.  I immediately called 911 and cried out to Jesus in a panic. I contacted both my adult children at work.

The ambulance came and made attempts to revive him on the floor in the hallway before they took him to the hospital. My son came to get me and we rushed to the hospital.  My daughter was waiting in the lobby of the ER for us.   The three of us were taken into the room where the medical staff were still trying to resuscitate my husband.   He was not responding. 

The doctor said they did everything they could. I stared at my husband’s lifeless body.   It was the beginning of my worst nightmare. I had entered an emergency that I did not prepare for. 

In reflecting back to the early days following my husband’s sudden death, I felt like I was in the emotional ICU for my broken heart.  I was in need of soul rehab to begin the process of healing.  Desperate, I started a journey to find ways to survive.

During the first weeks and months I would get up, grab my coffee and open my Bible to the Psalms.  I was in search of “spiritual oxygen” to fill my lungs so I could make it through the day, one hour at a time, sometimes just 15 minutes at a time. I found the Psalms of lament gave voice to where I was. The words in Psalm 77:1 described my condition: “I cry aloud to God, aloud to God and he will hear me. I sought the Lord in my day of trouble” (CSB).

These were much needed words to echo my condition. The words of Psalm 46:1 (CSB), “God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.” Like an oxygen tank, these words would fill my spiritual lungs to keep going.

In my pain I sensed the need to move my body.  Most mornings I would put on my walking shoes and grab the leash to my 14-year-old German Shorthaired Pointer and head out the door. The physical movement of walking became a way of “walking out my grief.” 

Six months after my husband died, a friend became a companion in grief when she lost her husband.  We met every week to walk, talk and weep together, giving motion to our emotions.  It was like “physical therapy” to manage my grief.  Research has proven the benefits of exercise to manage our emotions as it helps enhance our brain chemistry to improve mood.   Walking proved to be another form of treatment I needed to heal.

Grief expert and author, Dr. H. Norman Wright, says, “The more you learn about grief the more you’ll be able to handle it better.”

Wisdom from someone who knows the pain of losing both his wife and son.  I became a student of grief, leading me to read books on grief by others who walked the journey. 

Someone gave me a journal and I began filling the pages with my words the first year.   Words going into my soul and words coming out became the nourishment I needed to recover.  

Surviving the first year of loss was like coming out of the ICU on crutches. 

-Pam Luschei

Surviving the first year of loss was like coming out of the ICU on crutches.  I was broken, but breathing; wounded, but walking, and shaken, but standing.  Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 4 described how I felt: “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9, CSB).

My condition was part of the human experience.  By God’s grace, strength, comfort, and peace, I was still upright, being held and holding onto Jesus.  God was faithful and continues to be my refuge and helper. Somewhere in the first year, I found hope to make my exit out of the ICU.

As I’ve grown in my grief experience and processed the pain of loss these past four years, I have a greater capacity to empathize and walk with people who are hurting.  From the peace and comfort I’ve received from God’s Word. I can offer hope to others who are grieving. 

2 Corinthians 1:4 says, “He comforts us in all our afflictions so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of afflictions, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (CSB). 

The cycle of how God gave me comfort so that I could offer comfort to others is one of the most palatable outcomes I’ve experienced. During my “rehab of the heart,” I’ve discovered hope, comfort and strength to move forward as God faithfully carries me through.

Pam weaves her background as a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist for over 20 years, as she writes, teaches, and speaks to women, offering hope and encouragement in difficult seasons.  She has been recently published in the DaySpring book, Sweet Tea for the Soul; Comforting, Real-life Stories for Grieving Hearts. She shares her journey through her web site or you can find her on Instagram.

For weekly stories and resources on how to discover more of God’s glory, subscribe to Dorina’s Glorygram here or follow her on Instagram.

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February 3, 2022 Categories: General, Navigating GriefTagged: death, hope

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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Recent Posts

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  • The power of sharing your story: Three women in the Bible who changed history September 24, 2023
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It’s December 1! 🌟 The start of Advent is upon us! This is my favorite time of the year as we come together to wait, anticipate, and usher in our coming king!

Once again, I’ve prepared a four-part advent devotional for you and yours. The 2023 theme is HESED - steadfast love! 🫶🏾

This experience includes:

🌟A relatable story
🌟Scripture readings
🌟Inspiring teaching
🌟Reflection questions
🌟Audio recording
🌟Music playlist
🌟Recipe for a holiday favorite

All of this is a gift to my paid subscribers this year. Join my Glorygram tribe for $5/month or $50/year: DorinaGlorygram.Substack.com/subscribe or DM me for the link or with any questions! If you’re already a paid subscriber, the experience will be delivered to you automatically. Thanks for supporting this ministry! 🩵

#adventdevotional #advent #devotional #christmas #bible #scripture #christmastradition

Let’s light the candles and dive in together! 🕯️

View

Dec 1

Open
It’s December 1! 🌟 The start of Advent is upon us! This is my favorite time of the year as we come together to wait, anticipate, and usher in our coming king!
Once again, I’ve prepared a four-part advent devotional for you and yours. The 2023 theme is HESED - steadfast love! 🫶🏾
This experience includes:
🌟A relatable story
🌟Scripture readings
🌟Inspiring teaching 
🌟Reflection questions 
🌟Audio recording 
🌟Music playlist
🌟Recipe for a holiday favorite 
All of this is a gift to my paid subscribers this year. Join my Glorygram tribe for $5/month or $50/year: DorinaGlorygram.Substack.com/subscribe or DM me for the link or with any questions! If you’re already a paid subscriber, the experience will be delivered to you automatically. Thanks for supporting this ministry! 🩵
#adventdevotional #advent #devotional #christmas #bible #scripture #christmastradition 
Let’s light the candles and dive in together! 🕯️
13 2

Join me today for a walk through psalm 146! We are almost at the end of our study on the entire 5 books of psalms…

We talked and prayed through 4 themes present in psalm 146:
🌟 praise
🌟trust
🌟help
🌟reign

🎁What are you praising God for today? Share in the comments, friend!

🎄Sign up for my 4-part Adventure devotional at https://substack.com/@dorinaglorygram

View

Dec 1

Open
Join me today for a walk through psalm 146! We are almost at the end of our study on the entire 5 books of psalms…
We talked and prayed through 4 themes present in psalm 146: 
🌟 praise
🌟trust
🌟help
🌟reign
🎁What are you praising God for today? Share in the comments, friend! 
🎄Sign up for my 4-part Adventure devotional at https://substack.com/@dorinaglorygram
12 0

When my daughters were little, we started a tradition during the season of Advent. I gathered up different Christmas and winter books and wrapped them. Each night of Advent (starting December 1) the girls would open one of these books, and we would read them together. Advent is a season of preparing for the birth of Christ, which we celebrate on Christmas. Reading these books together has been a sweet way to usher in the season and to center our hearts.

Check out our list here: https://dorinagilmore.com/christmasbookadvent or comment link and I’ll send it to you!

📚 Share your favorite Christmas or holiday book in the comments!

View

Nov 29

Open
When my daughters were little, we started a tradition during the season of Advent. I gathered up different Christmas and winter books and wrapped them. Each night of Advent (starting December 1) the girls would open one of these books, and we would read them together. Advent is a season of preparing for the birth of Christ, which we celebrate on Christmas. Reading these books together has been a sweet way to usher in the season and to center our hearts.
Check out our list here: https://dorinagilmore.com/christmasbookadvent or comment link and I’ll send it to you! 
📚 Share your favorite Christmas or holiday book in the comments!
37 8

Now I know it takes time for a family to recalibrate when someone dies. It’s been a decade of Thankgivings since my beloved soared to heaven. Each year has been different. We have learned to blanket ourselves with grace. We have made space for the emotions and grief. We have given ourselves permission to reinvent some of the traditions without throwing aside the memories.

This year, our family made the trek to Southern California to spend Thanksgiving with Shawn’s family. Part of the redemption we have experienced through our grief journey has been in gaining more extended family when Shawn and I got married. My daughters now have a bonus grandma and more aunties, uncles and cousins, who we see regularly. I am deeply grateful for the way the Young-Chan clan has welcomed us with open arms even through years of grief and recalibrating.

I couldn’t help thinking about how God has restored so much in our lives beyond what we could ever imagine. These are my people now. We are part of the family, not just an addendum. We cook and eat and laugh and play games, and it feels natural.

Friend, what are your savoring this year? True thanksgiving doesn’t require perfection or performance. We are simply invited to receive from a God who sees us in the desert and sends streams of water.

{Read the full essay here: https://dorinaglorygram.substack.com/p/when-grief-gives-way-to-joy} #grief #GriefShare #griefsupport #griefjourney #griefandloss #GriefRecovery #griefawareness #joy #joyful #Thanksgiving #thanksgiving2023

View

Nov 27

Open
Now I know it takes time for a family to recalibrate when someone dies. It’s been a decade of Thankgivings since my beloved soared to heaven. Each year has been different. We have learned to blanket ourselves with grace. We have made space for the emotions and grief. We have given ourselves permission to reinvent some of the traditions without throwing aside the memories.
This year, our family made the trek to Southern California to spend Thanksgiving with Shawn’s family. Part of the redemption we have experienced through our grief journey has been in gaining more extended family when Shawn and I got married. My daughters now have a bonus grandma and more aunties, uncles and cousins, who we see regularly. I am deeply grateful for the way the Young-Chan clan has welcomed us with open arms even through years of grief and recalibrating.
I couldn’t help thinking about how God has restored so much in our lives beyond what we could ever imagine. These are my people now. We are part of the family, not just an addendum. We cook and eat and laugh and play games, and it feels natural. 
Friend, what are your savoring this year? True thanksgiving doesn’t require perfection or performance. We are simply invited to receive from a God who sees us in the desert and sends streams of water.
{Read the full essay here: https://dorinaglorygram.substack.com/p/when-grief-gives-way-to-joy} #grief #GriefShare #griefsupport #griefjourney #griefandloss #GriefRecovery #griefawareness #joy #joyful #Thanksgiving #thanksgiving2023
31 2

Are you supporting local businesses today? Consider giving the gift of books this year! Here are five of my book babies for readers of all ages available anywhere books are sold!

📚 Breathing Through Grief (devotional journal)
📚Create in Me a Heart of Mercy (Bible study)
📚Chasing God’s Glory (children’s book)
📚 Cora Cooks Pancit (children’s book)
📚 Walk Run Soar (devotional training journal)

Details at www.DorinaGilmore.com/books #smallbusiness #smallbusinessowner

View

Nov 25

Open
Are you supporting local businesses today? Consider giving the gift of books this year! Here are five of my book babies for readers of all ages available anywhere books are sold!
📚 Breathing Through Grief (devotional journal)
📚Create in Me a Heart of Mercy (Bible study) 
📚Chasing God’s Glory (children’s book)
📚 Cora Cooks Pancit (children’s book)
📚 Walk Run Soar (devotional training journal)
Details at www.DorinaGilmore.com/books #smallbusiness #smallbusinessowner
81 2
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