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The steepest path: A single parent’s choice of faith vs. fear

My feet felt heavy, like someone had filled my trail shoes with rocks. I followed the path before me. Each step brought me closer.

I stumbled, but eventually regained my footing. I could make out a fork in the road just ahead. The cadence of my heartbeat increased. My feet slowed.

I found myself at the intersection of fear and faith.

Which way would I go? Which path would I choose this time?

After my husband died in 2014, I faced many fears as a young widow. I often felt overwhelmed and vulnerable. He had been my anchor, the one who helped me feel secure, and empowered me to run after my calling. Without him, I second guessed my decisions and agonized over the future. I feared financial ruin and being alone for the rest of my life.

Although my faith was strong, my fears frequently reared their ugly heads. I had to make a choice. Would I run down the path of fear or pivot toward the steeper path and run with faith?

One of my biggest fears was that I would not be able to parent my children well. At the time of his death, my girls were ages 2, 5 and 8. My husband and I were partners in parenting. We prayed for our family together. We agreed on discipline. We tag-teamed when the other person was tired or frustrated. Now I had to be the mother and father in parenting.

My fear was not an issue of striving for perfectionism. After birthing three babies, I knew I would never get the parenting thing perfect. I was more fearful that I couldn’t give my girls my best. There were days I just didn’t have my best to give. Simply breathing and surviving grief were my focus.

Some days it felt like my girls had been cheated out of time with their daddy. He wouldn’t be able to attend their high school graduations and walk them down the aisle at their weddings. I feared his absence would damage them emotionally and their grief would overcome them.

Before I married my late husband Ericlee, I heard his grandmother teach on Isaiah 54:5. She spoke passionately about how God is our husband and partner. These words carried me as a single girl, a married woman when my husband was traveling, and eventually as a new widow:

Wedding bandsFor your Maker is your husband—
the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

– Isaiah 54:5

This verse and others have helped me fight my fears and replace them with truth. The more I wrapped my heart in truth, the more confidence I gained as a parent. He covered me in a blanket of grace again and again.

When I was uncertain about a decision, when I needed strength to discipline my children, when I had to attend those parent-teacher conferences or awards assemblies alone, when I couldn’t participate in an event because I didn’t have childcare, I clung to those words.

There was comfort in knowing God, my Maker, also serves as my Husband. He cares for me and partners with me. He imparts knowledge and courage to me when I call out for Him. He fills in what I lack. And He transforms even the darkest circumstances for His glory.

As a solo parent, I learned to whisper quick prayers to God when I felt inadequate:

God, help me know what to do.

God, give me strength to stand up to this two-year-old.

God, show me how to navigate grief with my girls.

Mother with girl by mountainsLittle by little, He showed up. He gifted me with wisdom and creative parenting ideas I knew I didn’t have on my own. He strengthened me to love my girls even when I was exhausted from carrying the weight of providing for our family.

Along the way, I laid down my pride and learned to enlist help. God provided a community of family and friends to come alongside me in loving my girls.

I am especially grateful for the trusted men who came to play with my girls and encourage their hearts when they were desperately missing their daddy. I am thankful for the friends who offered to watch my girls when I had late-night meetings or needed a retreat to tend my soul.

Part of the solo parenting journey has been learning to grieve together. My girls needed a safe space to cry and remember their dad. We took lots of road trips, gathered around the dinner table, and snuggled together late at night.

I had to lead them through the grief. We couldn’t run around it.

Friend, are you navigating a grief journey today? Are you at the intersection of faith and fear?

Be encouraged. The path of faith may seem steep, but it always leads us straight to His glory.

 

 

Do you struggle with parenting fears? Do you have fears due to a loss or grief? Please share in the comments!

 

 

{The original version of this essay was published at my friend Jerusha Agen’s blog. Find it here.}

*Main photo provided by Jens Lelie on Unsplash.com.

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July 16, 2018 Categories: Navigating GriefTagged: brave, courage, death, discipline, family life, fear, flourishing, Grief, hope, kids, parenting, relationships, struggle, transitions

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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  • Learning to trust the Potter and the process November 11, 2022

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Several months ago, I invited my friend to join me for a pottery class at a new local studio for her birthday present. We both love to try new things and were intrigued by the experience of using a potter’s wheel to create something out of clay.

The process of forming clay on the wheel was longer and harder than it looks.

The trick was to keep adding water to keep the clay supple and moldable. We pressed, pulled, and pinched until that ball of clay eventually became a bowl or vase.

Metaphors for life abound in the pottery studio.

A few times, the teacher came over, stuck her hands in front of me, and started to work with my clay. At first, I wanted to take control of the clay myself. I wanted to learn by doing it myself. But soon I realized the value in surrendering to her expertise. In fact, I learned a lot from watching my teacher and her techniques.

The first surprising lesson was that it requires lots of water to make a clay pot on a wheel. Clay is naturally hard and heavy, but water makes it workable.

Our souls are much the same. We need consistent hydration. We need the living water that only Jesus offers. On our own we are heavy, brittle; we are dust. With Jesus’s living water, we are malleable clay.

{Read the full devotion at DorinaGlorygram.Substack.com} #pottery #clay #potter #biblestudy #bibleverse #encouragingwords

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Mar 24

Open
Several months ago, I invited my friend to join me for a pottery class at a new local studio for her birthday present. We both love to try new things and were intrigued by the experience of using a potter’s wheel to create something out of clay. 
The process of forming clay on the wheel was longer and harder than it looks.
The trick was to keep adding water to keep the clay supple and moldable. We pressed, pulled, and pinched until that ball of clay eventually became a bowl or vase. 
Metaphors for life abound in the pottery studio.
A few times, the teacher came over, stuck her hands in front of me, and started to work with my clay. At first, I wanted to take control of the clay myself. I wanted to learn by doing it myself. But soon I realized the value in surrendering to her expertise. In fact, I learned a lot from watching my teacher and her techniques.
The first surprising lesson was that it requires lots of water to make a clay pot on a wheel. Clay is naturally hard and heavy, but water makes it workable. 
Our souls are much the same. We need consistent hydration. We need the living water that only Jesus offers. On our own we are heavy, brittle; we are dust. With Jesus’s living water, we are malleable clay. 
{Read the full devotion at DorinaGlorygram.Substack.com} #pottery #clay #potter #biblestudy #bibleverse #encouragingwords
17 3

Such a good conversation tonight with @sarahrubiobooks about her new book, Her Story, Her Stength: 50 God Empowered Women of the Bible (@zonderkidz )

This is a book I wish I had when I was a young person. I love the way Sarah illuminates the stories and strengths of these diverse women in the Bible and how their stories point us back to God.

We pull back the curtain a bit tonight and dish about how Sarah got the idea for the book, the trials she faced during the writing, and the glory she experienced during the process!

👉🏾Which Ezer story is your favorite? Share in the comments about the woman from the Bible who inspires you! 📚

View

Mar 23

Open
Such a good conversation tonight with @sarahrubiobooks about her new book, Her Story, Her Stength: 50 God Empowered Women of the Bible (@zonderkidz )
This is a book I wish I had when I was a young person. I love the way Sarah illuminates the stories and strengths of these diverse women in the Bible and how their stories point us back to God.
We pull back the curtain a bit tonight and dish about how Sarah got the idea for the book, the trials she faced during the writing, and the glory she experienced during the process!
👉🏾Which Ezer story is your favorite? Share in the comments about the woman from the Bible who inspires you! 📚
21 3

I’m so excited to chat with @sarahrubiobooks on my Global Glory Chasers broadcast tomorrow about experiencing God’s glory through writing and reading kids books. Sarah’s new book is Her Story, Her Strength: 50 God-Empowered Women of the Bible. Join us at 5 pm PT | 8 pm ET here on IGlive!

Sarah Parker Rubio edits children’s and young adult books by day and writes them by night. She was born in the United States, grew up in Costa Rica and Ecuador, and now has a bilingual and bicultural family with her husband, Colombian composer Gary Rubio. They live in Cincinnati with their three wonderful children and two sassy cats.

In a world that too often tells girls that they are not enough, Her Story, Her Strength uses biblical retellings and reflections that include the historical context behind each story to remind young women that they have a God who loves them deeply and empowers them to live and love like he does. For any girl ages 8 and up who is asking questions about her worth, identity, and place in the world and church, this colorful and engaging book provides a positive, loving, and scriptural lens that helps them interpret the messages they receive from their peers, media, and society.

#kidlit #womenshistorymonth #womenofthebible #womensupportingwomen

View

Mar 22

Open
I’m so excited to chat with @sarahrubiobooks on my Global Glory Chasers broadcast tomorrow about experiencing God’s glory through writing and reading kids books. Sarah’s new book is Her Story, Her Strength: 50 God-Empowered Women of the Bible. Join us at 5 pm PT | 8 pm ET here on IGlive!
Sarah Parker Rubio edits children’s and young adult books by day and writes them by night. She was born in the United States, grew up in Costa Rica and Ecuador, and now has a bilingual and bicultural family with her husband, Colombian composer Gary Rubio. They live in Cincinnati with their three wonderful children and two sassy cats.
In a world that too often tells girls that they are not enough, Her Story, Her Strength uses biblical retellings and reflections that include the historical context behind each story to remind young women that they have a God who loves them deeply and empowers them to live and love like he does. For any girl ages 8 and up who is asking questions about her worth, identity, and place in the world and church, this colorful and engaging book provides a positive, loving, and scriptural lens that helps them interpret the messages they receive from their peers, media, and society.
#kidlit #womenshistorymonth #womenofthebible #womensupportingwomen
38 1

“Rise and shine and give God the glory, glory,” Mama sings. 🎶

Glory?, Zayla thinks, wrinkling her nose, “Mama, we talk and sing about glory at church, but what exactly is glory?”

“Well, that’s a good question,” Mama says with a broad smile. “Let’s go look for it.”

____

These are the opening lines to my new children’s book, Chasing God’s Glory. When my three daughters were little, we started going on glory-chasing hunts together. This was the way we would lift our heads to see God at work on ordinary days and difficult days.

The word glory is mentioned more than 500 times in Scripture. If we study the scriptures that mention it, we discover God’s glory is the very essence of who God is, His character. Glory is what sets God apart. It’s the way God reveals Himself to us. It’s His presence.

Back in 2014, I chose the word glory as my word of the year. Little did I know that this single, five-letter word would be the thing God would use to transform me, inspire me, lift me, and carry me through the most difficult year of my life. This would be the beginning of tracing His glory story in the most unexpected narrative.

I had to train myself to notice  God’s glory around me through tragedy and triumph. That was the year my husband was diagnosed with stage four cancer. That was the year my lover leaped into Heaven – the ultimate Glory – leaving me a widow with three small children. That was the year I experienced God’s glory in little girl giggles, home-cooked meals, and road trips. That was the year He showed up for us through our community who served us, fed us, collected money for medical bills, and lifted us.

God has shown me that glory is the very beginning of the story and also the grand finale…

{Read more about it at @incourage today and enter for a chance to win my new book!} 🫶🏾🚴📚🍀🌊🥰

#chasinggodsglory #glorychasers #kidslit #picturebook @waterbrookmultnomahkids #newbook #glory #creation

View

Mar 21

Open
“Rise and shine and give God the glory, glory,” Mama sings. 🎶 
Glory?, Zayla thinks, wrinkling her nose, “Mama, we talk and sing about glory at church, but what exactly is glory?”
“Well, that’s a good question,” Mama says with a broad smile. “Let’s go look for it.” 
____ 
These are the opening lines to my new children’s book, Chasing God’s Glory. When my three daughters were little, we started going on glory-chasing hunts together. This was the way we would lift our heads to see God at work on ordinary days and difficult days. 
The word glory is mentioned more than 500 times in Scripture. If we study the scriptures that mention it, we discover God’s glory is the very essence of who God is, His character. Glory is what sets God apart. It’s the way God reveals Himself to us. It’s His presence. 
Back in 2014, I chose the word glory as my word of the year. Little did I know that this single, five-letter word would be the thing God would use to transform me, inspire me, lift me, and carry me through the most difficult year of my life. This would be the beginning of tracing His glory story in the most unexpected narrative. 
I had to train myself to notice  God’s glory around me through tragedy and triumph. That was the year my husband was diagnosed with stage four cancer. That was the year my lover leaped into Heaven – the ultimate Glory – leaving me a widow with three small children. That was the year I experienced God’s glory in little girl giggles, home-cooked meals, and road trips. That was the year He showed up for us through our community who served us, fed us, collected money for medical bills, and lifted us. 
God has shown me that glory is the very beginning of the story and also the grand finale…
{Read more about it at @incourage today and enter for a chance to win my new book!} 🫶🏾🚴📚🍀🌊🥰
#chasinggodsglory #glorychasers #kidslit #picturebook @waterbrookmultnomahkids #newbook #glory #creation
53 14

This weekend I hosted the Lead Loved Women’s Leadership Summit! What a day! This was our first hybrid event welcoming women and speakers online across time zones as well as in-person in Fresno, California.

God showed up in a beautiful and mighty way as these women leaders gathered to connect, learn, and pray together!

My highlight was seeing how the messages from our speakers @latashamferguson @shawnasullivan @riciskei dovetailed so perfectly together as they encouraged the women to lead themselves well, be intentional with their time and resources, and embrace restorative rest.

I am especially grateful for my Lead Loved team who said yes to something crazy like a hybrid event so women across the country could be filled and led back to Jesus.

👉🏾Share a highlight in the comments if you were there or drop an emoji if you need this in your life!

@leadloved #womenleadership

View

Mar 21

Open
This weekend I hosted the Lead Loved Women’s Leadership Summit! What a day! This was our first hybrid event welcoming women and speakers online across time zones as well as in-person in Fresno, California.
God showed up in a beautiful and mighty way as these women leaders gathered to connect, learn, and pray together!
My highlight was seeing how the messages from our speakers @latashamferguson @shawnasullivan @riciskei dovetailed so perfectly together as they encouraged the women to lead themselves well, be intentional with their time and resources, and embrace restorative rest.
I am especially grateful for my Lead Loved team who said yes to something crazy like a hybrid event so women across the country could be filled and led back to Jesus.
👉🏾Share a highlight in the comments if you were there or drop an emoji if you need this in your life! 
@leadloved #womenleadership
108 9
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