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Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

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The healing power of retelling stories

My middle daughter slathered melted butter on layer after layer of paper-thin phyllo dough for the paklava. Her arms moved methodically back and forth. Every six layers, she sprinkled cinnamon, sugar, and walnuts over the pastry like stardust. 

Meanwhile, my oldest daughter chopped bell peppers at the island next to her sister. I added the peppers to skewers with big chunks of marinated beef and onions for the kebabs. My youngest daughter laid out the homemade hummus, pita crackers, lahmajoon pizzas, and other appetizers on charcuterie boards. The kitchen was filled with a cornucopia of smells, flavors and colors colliding as we prepped for the Heaveniversary party together.

This year, marked seven years since my husband Ericlee graduated to heaven. Some might call September 9 his death day, but we decided to make it a day to remember the gift of Heaven and celebrate his legacy. We’ve made it our tradition to host a dinner party where we tell stories and gather around good food. Every year I invite a different mix of family and friends. In some cases, this is the only time of year we see some of my late husband’s friends because our lives have moved in different directions. 

This year – more than other years – my daughters took ownership of planning the party. We decided together to serve up Armenian food because my husband’s grandma was originally from Armenia. We talked through the guest list because they wanted to hear a diversity of stories from their dad’s childhood, school days, and adult life. My oldest put together a slideshow of pictures, and my youngest wrote and rehearsed a song for weeks to share at the gathering. It turned into a whole-family affair.

Then all at once the doorbell rang and family and friends started to pour in the door. I realized I was actually looking forward to our time together instead of dreading a day that might otherwise be filled with sadness.

After our bellies were full, we gathered in our living room for a time of storytelling. One by one, friends and family began to unfold memories of my late husband Ericlee and his legacy of faith, courage, wellness, compassion, and generosity.

His best friend told a story about the time they shared a full Thanksgiving meal in my husband’s dorm and then he insisted on sharing the leftovers with the homeless in their city. Another high school friend shared about how my husband always asked the hard questions and checked in about her relationship with God. A friend talked about how he was an encouraging coach and helped her get to the finish line of a half marathon.

My daughters were ages 2, 5, and 8 when their daddy went to Heaven. These stories – some of them repeated year after year – serve as their memory. The stories draw us close to Ericlee and help keep his legacy alive.

Remembrance is an important theme throughout the Bible. In the Old Testament, the Israelites remember God’s faithfulness at many key crossroads. Throughout the book of Deuteronomy, there is a call to remember the words and deeds of God. Deuteronomy 16:1-8 describes the Festival of Passover. The exodus and deliverance of Israel by God from Egypt is central to this remembering.

Jesus celebrated the Passover with His disciples and other Jews throughout the New Testament. He also introduced what we now call communion as a remembrance of His life, death, and resurrection.

And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.” (Luke 22:19-20, ESV) 

The Passover meal and communion were a time of gathering together around the table, sharing a meal, and taking time to remember God’s steadfast love, His mercy, and His sacrifice.

My friend Marcy specializes in trauma therapy and explains that telling our stories can bring physiological healing. As we share and remember, unprocessed trauma is dislodged from our brains. God designed our bodies to heal through the act of sharing stories.

God designed our bodies to heal through the act of sharing stories.

-Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

Toward the end of our sharing time at the Heaveniversary party, my brother retold a story of Ericlee’s final days. He described how Ericlee’s face would light up in a smile whenever he was coherent. Cancer and pain ravaged his body, but it could not steal his joy. Many of us wiped away tears at the reminder that joy and pain often are intricately woven together. We do not want to forget God’s faithfulness to us through the grief.

The psalmist reminds us: “Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story — those he redeemed from the hand of the foe..” (Psalm 107:2).

These words are an invitation to tell our stories. The Israelites continued to tell the story of how God restored them from captivity. Jesus told stories that would shape our understanding of His Father’s Kingdom. And we are called to tell our stories today. Our stories can be like arrows pointing our children and those around us to God’s glory.

Friend, have you lost a loved one this year? Are you navigating grief? Make some space to remember. You could host a Heaveniversary party like ours or carve out some time at an upcoming gathering for telling stories about your loved ones. As we retell the stories and remember God’s goodness together, healing enters in. 

I offer weekly words of encouragement to friends through her Glorygram. Sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox and to learn about her podcast and other projects.

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November 4, 2021 Categories: GeneralTagged: death, family life, flourishing, Grief, hope

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  1. Jessica Varney says

    November 7, 2021 at 9:28 pm

    Oh how I LOVE this idea. I’ve kind of ignored the day of death of my husband because I haven’t looked at it in this light. My kids were 3 and 5 and I would love to do this so they could learn more about what an amazing man their father was. Thank you Dorina 🥰

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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Recent Posts

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  • Mind the Gap: How God meets us when we are not enough April 24, 2023
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Before Footer

After my husband soared to Heaven eight years ago, my three daughters and I found ourselves on an intense grief journey. I never imagined being a widow at age 37 when my girls were just 2, 5, and 8 years old. Despite the heaviness of grief, I knew God was near. And I longed for my daughters to experience His comforting presence too. That’s how we started chasing God’s glory together.

We started with a nightly rhythm of watching the sunset together. We would step out onto our back patio or pull over on the side of the road and pause to watch the colors waltzing across the sky.

Initially, my girls asked, “Mama, why do we watch the sunset? It happens every night.” But soon they discovered that every sunset was unique. Little by little, this rhythm became something we looked forward to. There was something calming and comforting for the girls and me as we watched God paint the sky each night. Our Creator God, the Master Artist, met us in the brush strokes of sparkling gold and emerald green. The girls would point out the ribbons of ruby red and deep amethyst sashaying across the sapphire blue sky. We would smile and delight at the jewel-toned colors. We felt like it was a kiss from their daddy in Heaven.

My daughters are teenagers now, but they still love to chase sunsets and tell me about the ways God showed up in their days. They text me photos or pull me out to the balcony to watch His glory chasing across the sky.

I have learned we can plant seeds of hope and faith in our kids when we go glory hunting together.

Read the full article on @herviewfromhome here: https://herviewfromhome.com/widow-at-37-gods-grace/

#chasingGodsglory #sunsetchaser #glorychasers @waterbrookmultnomahkids #sunset #parenting #gloryhunter

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Jun 7

Open
After my husband soared to Heaven eight years ago, my three daughters and I found ourselves on an intense grief journey. I never imagined being a widow at age 37 when my girls were just 2, 5, and 8 years old. Despite the heaviness of grief, I knew God was near. And I longed for my daughters to experience His comforting presence too. That’s how we started chasing God’s glory together.
We started with a nightly rhythm of watching the sunset together. We would step out onto our back patio or pull over on the side of the road and pause to watch the colors waltzing across the sky.
Initially, my girls asked, “Mama, why do we watch the sunset? It happens every night.” But soon they discovered that every sunset was unique. Little by little, this rhythm became something we looked forward to. There was something calming and comforting for the girls and me as we watched God paint the sky each night. Our Creator God, the Master Artist, met us in the brush strokes of sparkling gold and emerald green. The girls would point out the ribbons of ruby red and deep amethyst sashaying across the sapphire blue sky. We would smile and delight at the jewel-toned colors. We felt like it was a kiss from their daddy in Heaven. 
My daughters are teenagers now, but they still love to chase sunsets and tell me about the ways God showed up in their days. They text me photos or pull me out to the balcony to watch His glory chasing across the sky.
I have learned we can plant seeds of hope and faith in our kids when we go glory hunting together.
Read the full article on @herviewfromhome here: https://herviewfromhome.com/widow-at-37-gods-grace/
#chasingGodsglory #sunsetchaser #glorychasers @waterbrookmultnomahkids #sunset #parenting #gloryhunter
104 13

☀️ We cherished a day of celebrating our Giada’s 8th grade promotion in Disneyland yesterday! Her sisters rallied and saved money for their tickets. Instead of a party we took a family trip to the happiest place on earth! 😃 It was a surprisingly cool, overcast day!

In the younger days, I spent more time taking them to the bathroom and making sure everyone had a buddy for roses. Now I’m enjoying Disneyland with older kids who plan the trip, strategize which rides to go on and when. We ate some yummy treats, laughed a lot, played games in line, and made it to most of our faves!

@shawnyoungruns has definitely influenced our fam with his love for all things Disney! I am not sad about it. As for me, I’m in it for the Disney-themed food! 🥨 🍍 🍹 🍔 🍦My new fave is this pineapple churro with Cheema cheese dipping sauce. Woweee!

🏰 Are you a Disney fan? What’s your favorite park, ride, food, or show?!

#globalglorychasers #disneyland #disneyfoodie

View

Jun 7

Open
☀️ We cherished a day of celebrating our Giada’s 8th grade promotion in Disneyland yesterday! Her sisters rallied and saved money for their tickets. Instead of a party we took a family trip to the happiest place on earth! 😃 It was a surprisingly cool, overcast day! 
In the younger days, I spent more time taking them to the bathroom and making sure everyone had a buddy for roses. Now I’m enjoying Disneyland with older kids who plan the trip, strategize which rides to go on and when. We ate some yummy treats, laughed a lot, played games in line, and made it to most of our faves! 
@shawnyoungruns has definitely influenced our fam with his love for all things Disney! I am not sad about it. As for me, I’m in it for the Disney-themed food! 🥨 🍍 🍹 🍔 🍦My new fave is this pineapple churro with Cheema cheese dipping sauce. Woweee! 
🏰 Are you a Disney fan? What’s your favorite park, ride, food, or show?! 
#globalglorychasers #disneyland #disneyfoodie
88 4

Last night the six of us went to see the show SIX and to cheer on my talented childhood friend Valerie Maze who was the conductor/keyboardist. This was my birthday/Mother’s Day gift from my hubby, and it was so special!

What a phenomenal and engaging way to learn about history and the stories of the six wives of Henry VIII! The music, the lights, the voices, the dancing made for a truly unique and memorable show! The Pantages Theater in Los Angeles is also one of my favorites!

And the biggest treat of all was hanging out with @valerie.maze afterwards. We haven’t been together in YEARS! And this was the first time she met my Shawn and Meilani! #sixshow #broadwaymusical #globalglorychasers

View

Jun 4

Open
Last night the six of us went to see the show SIX and to cheer on my talented childhood friend Valerie Maze who was the conductor/keyboardist. This was my birthday/Mother’s Day gift from my hubby, and it was so special! 
What a phenomenal and engaging way to learn about history and the stories of the six wives of Henry VIII! The music, the lights, the voices, the dancing made for a truly unique and memorable show! The Pantages Theater in Los Angeles is also one of my favorites! 
And the biggest treat of all was hanging out with @valerie.maze afterwards. We haven’t been together in YEARS! And this was the first time she met my Shawn and Meilani! #sixshow #broadwaymusical #globalglorychasers
38 6

Hey friend, do you know about my weekly Glorygram? Every Saturday I gently drop this gift in your inbox, which includes an encouraging essay about chasing God`s glory, a monthly book giveaway, recommendations, recipes, and more.

Consider this like sitting down at my table for some homemade lumpia and a tall glass of mango lemonade. My heart is to share in community about what God is teaching us. You can hop over to DorinaGlorygram.Substack.com and read this week`s edition. Be sure to Subscribe while you`re there so you don`t miss a thing.

In this week`s Glorygram, I`m sharing a story about the power of asking questions and five sisters who asked a question that changed history. Don`t miss it!

#glory #encouragingwords #substack #glorychasers #hesed2023 #biblereading #bibleteacher #leadership #powerfulquestions

View

Jun 3

Open
Hey friend, do you know about my weekly Glorygram? Every Saturday I gently drop this gift in your inbox, which includes an encouraging essay about chasing God's glory, a monthly book giveaway, recommendations, recipes, and more.
Consider this like sitting down at my table for some homemade lumpia and a tall glass of mango lemonade. My heart is to share in community about what God is teaching us. You can hop over to DorinaGlorygram.Substack.com and read this week's edition. Be sure to Subscribe while you're there so you don't miss a thing.
In this week's Glorygram, I'm sharing a story about the power of asking questions and five sisters who asked a question that changed history. Don't miss it!
#glory #encouragingwords #substack #glorychasers #hesed2023 #biblereading #bibleteacher #leadership #powerfulquestions
24 7

Join me for a stroll through the next psalm of ascent. Psalm 128 is a wisdom psalm that walks us through what it looks like to enjoy the blessings of the Lord. If we have the fear of the Lord and choose to walk with Him, we get to step into this abundance!

-What does walking with Him look like for you in this season?

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Jun 2

Open
Join me for a stroll through the next psalm of ascent. Psalm 128 is a wisdom psalm that walks us through what it looks like to enjoy the blessings of the Lord. If we have the fear of the Lord and choose to walk with Him, we get to step into this abundance!
-What does walking with Him look like for you in this season?
22 2
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