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6 Ways to Find God’s Peace Difficult Circumstances

Posted by | courage, death, fear, flourishing, grief, hope, inspirational, rest, Stories, struggle, Uncategorized | No Comments

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved the hymn “It Is Well.” There was something about those lyrics that brought a sense of peace whenever I sang them: “When peace like a river, attendeth my way… It is well, it is well, with my soul.”

Horatio G. Spafford, the man who penned that hymn, experienced profound tragedy with the death of his son to sickness, the loss of most of his real estate investments in the Great Chicago Fire, and then later the news that all four of his daughters had perished at sea in a ship wreck.

How did Horatio find peace in the face of so much tragedy?

He was rooted in his faith and he understood peace in his soul.

I only began to understand this in the midst of my own tragedy in 2014 when my husband was diagnosed with stage four cancer at age 40. Though we were often gripped with fear and uncertainty, God continued to give us surprising peace in the midst of our storm.

Peace is certainly not a formula or a 5-step process, but here are some specific ways we found peace in our situation:

Start by defining peace.

We often think of the word peace as the absence of fighting and chaos. Jesus gave peace as a gift to us in the midst of turbulent situations. His definition of peace was different from world peace. He cared most deeply about peace in our hearts.

Jesus says, “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Don’t let your heart be troubled or fearful.” John 14:27 CSB

In this chapter, Jesus was talking about the gift of the Holy Spirit. He explained that He would be going away to heaven, but he was leaving the Holy Spirit to personally guide and give us peace.

 

Separate lies from the truth.

When we are facing trials, we often let our minds wander to the worst-case scenario. We entertain our fears and let them rule our hearts. The Psalmist warns us:

Turn away from evil and do what is good; seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 34:14 CSB

We actually have to pivot from the lies of the enemy and bask in God’s truth. We have to intentionally seek peace by separating lies from the truth. For example, when my husband was diagnosed with cancer, I was fraught with fear. I feared being alone and raising my girls without my partner. Yet, all throughout scripture God promises to be with me and to never leave me alone. I had to cling to that truth and turn away from my fears.  

 

Surrender control to the One who controls it all.

Oftentimes we do not feel peace because we are trying too hard to control a situation. I learned this in my husband’s cancer journey. I believed if we chose just the right treatment it would save him. The reality is we are never in control. The peace only came when I was able to surrender control to God and trust Him for the outcome.

This verse reminds me that God’s peace surpasses understanding and control of all the details:

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 CSB

 

Meditate on scripture to encourage your heart.

One practical way I learned to find peace is by writing out and reciting scripture. A mentor of mine encouraged me years ago to develop a scripture notebook. In each season, I write out verses that encourage and bring me hope.

When I focus my mind on the truth in scripture, I do not have space for stress and worry. This proved helpful in doctor appointments and during the hardest days of my husband’s cancer journey.

 

Listen to worship music.

Music is another way to fix our minds on God’s truth and to calm our fears. I love the story in 1 Samuel 16 when David played the lyre for Saul who was being attacked by a harmful spirit. The music calmed and refreshed him.

I like to create worship playlists on Spotify to help me through different seasons. When the chaos is swirling or I am fraught with worry, music helps me fix my mind on the truth and calms my soul like Saul. It’s difficult to worry and worship at the same time.

 

Discover His glory through Creation.

God frequently brings me peace through nature. The petals of a perennial freesia pushing through hard earth, ocean waves crashing, a pine tree pointing toward the heavens – all of these remind me that God is in control and He is in the business of bringing beauty from ashes.

My daughters are used to me pulling over to the side of the road whenever God starts painting the sky at sunset. There is something about this spectacular color show that brings me a profound sense of comfort and peace.

 

Friend, remember you are not alone. We all face unexpected trials. God promises to offer peace and comfort if we continually seek Him.

Write out the following scripture and pray for peace in your present situation:

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 ESV

{The original version of this article was published at www.Dayspring.com.}

Navigating Grief as Life Moves Forward: Choosing joy

Posted by | finishing well, grief, Guest blogger, hope, running, Stories, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

 

It’s overwhelming some days, actually. I have this indescribable guilt for being happy.

When a loved one dies, they don’t hand you a “Grieving for Dummies” book and wish you luck. There are no set rules or even guidelines on how to grieve, how long you should grieve, or what grieving looks like.

They say everyone grieves differently, in their own ways and for their own amount of time. I’ve caught myself numerous times comparing my grief journey to others’ grief journeys.

I’m the widow. I was his wife, his best friend, shouldn’t I be the one grieving the most and the longest? If so, then why am I so happy?

Truth is, I started my grief journey long before May 30, 2015.

Grieving is our response to a loss. Any loss, not just death.

My late husband, Kenny, was diagnosed on his 18th birthday with Ewing’s Sarcoma, a bone cancer most prevalent in children and young adults. He fought his battle for over 11 years and went to Heaven, still fighting, on May 30, 2015.

During the last years of Kenny’s fight, we gave up a lot in exchange for more years of his life. Some tangible, and some not. He lost hair, a leg, and half a lung. With each loss, we grieved. I grieved. I was slowly losing bits and pieces of my husband – one surgery at a time, one round of chemotherapy at a time, one clinical trial at a time.

The one thing we didn’t lose was our love for each other.

Danielle and Kenny pose at the Oklahoma City Memorial 5k Race in April 2015. Danielle pushed her husband in his wheelchair to the finish line. (Photo provided by Danielle Comer)

 

Even though Kenny was the one coping with the physicality of his new way of living, I seemed to struggle just as much with his new disabilities. In the beginning, I had a hard time accepting the fact that my big, manly husband was not going to be able to do the same things other husbands would do for the wives. There was no carrying me across the threshold, no holding hands while walking down the street, no going for a run together, no placing my hand on his leg at dinner, no more wrapping his legs around me. We often take these small, everyday treasures for granted.

During the first couple years of our marriage, I held a lot of resentment in my heart, and it came out in the ugliest forms. Although I had verbally accepted this new life change for us, it was a façade because internally I was struggling. I hated that I would never have these things again, and I envied anyone who still did. When I heard someone complain about insignificant things, anger built up inside me.

I let this anger and resentment consume me at times, and it affected our marriage in ways I’m not proud of. In fact, it’s difficult to finally admit. I eventually learned that I needed to get over my own resentment and practice what I was preaching – enjoy the small, everyday treasures with your loved one.

Once I started appreciating the small things, life magically became much sweeter. All the struggles, worries, concerns minimized, and the blessings bloomed.

This is not to say we never worried or struggled again. With every new scan, we felt like we were faced with another life-changing decision.

We could’ve easily focused on all the losses and all the things not going in our favor, but we knew that focusing on the things we couldn’t control only created more misery in our already challenging life.  We chose to focus on the positives, on the little things that truly mattered.

We enjoyed more impromptu dates, took more walks, watched T.V. on the couch (guilt-free), and slept in a little longer. We soaked up every minute we had together.

If you only focus on the negative things in life, that’s all you’re going to see, and ultimately get. When you turn that focus back on the positives and the things that bring you joy, then you will create the tiniest shift in your life that will bring about the greatest rewards.

I believe this is why my grief journey has been one filled with more happiness than sadness.

Throughout our journey, I experienced anticipatory grief. I had the time and space to grieve in anticipation of Kenny’s death. This isn’t to say I don’t still have hard days without my husband or days I wish Kenny was here.

I believe I have a choice every day either to dwell on the past and the things that happened to me or to make the most of the small joys throughout my day and be grateful.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
When you’re grateful and rejoice in that, happiness and joy will follow.
Every day you have a choice. You can choose to be sad and dwell on things that cannot and will not change.  Or you can choose to be happy and create good things. Go and create good bonus days!

 

Danielle Comer lives on the Oregon Coast where she is a city planner and blogs about discovering hope and courage through loss at www.portrayalofhope.com.  During her free time, Danielle enjoys exploring the Oregon Coast with her dog, Tank, discovering new coffee shops, and capturing life’s moments with her second set of eyes – her camera.  You can find Danielle on Instagram and Facebook.

 

Have you missed the other articles in our Navigating Grief as Life Moves Forward series? Check them out here:

The Garden – an introduction to the series

Grieving Together – an article on grieving with children

Choosing Joy – a guest post about a spouse choosing joy even on a long cancer journey

 When a Grandparent Dies – a guest post about how one mom is navigating her own grief and grief with her kids 

Facing Triggers and Trauma – an article about steering through grief when triggers and trauma arise

Would you like a copy of my FREE resource for “Grieving with Kids“? I’m passionate about meeting people in their grief and sharing a message of hope. Let’s connect!

Standing at the Intersection of Fear and Faith

Posted by | fear, hope, marriage, Personal Stories, Stories | 2 Comments

I hardly remember what my husband said but I remember I stopped breathing. Results of biopsy. Melanoma in the lymph nodes. My healthy, athletic husband had cancer. At 40.

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