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Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

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Nobody wants to be part of that club

My oldest daughter and I snuck into the back of the church just before the memorial service started. She asked me to go with her to support one of her classmates, whose dad had died several months earlier while out for a jog. Because of the pandemic, the family had waited to host this celebration of his life so more people could attend.

We listened to stories about his life, how he met his wife, his time in the military, the way he faithfully supported our school and the students. We belly laughed as friends from his childhood and younger days shared stories. The school choir sang some of his favorites. I couldn’t help but think back to that day seven years earlier when I had sat in the front row of the very same sanctuary. Back then, it was us who shared stories and celebrated the life of my husband Ericlee, who had died of cancer at age forty.

I remember sitting next to my three daughters, who were two, five, and eight at the time, and my mother-in-law, who was burying her only son. My family and friends filled the pews behind us — hundreds of them. We laughed and cried in much the same way the family before us did. And I wondered, then, what the future would hold: How could God redeem a situation like ours? How would I survive without my beloved?

After the memorial service, my daughter and I hung back. She wanted to greet her friend, and I felt like I should introduce myself to this young widow mama. I just wanted to hug her neck and tell her God was going to take care of her and her kids.

As we made our way down the aisle, the woman looked up and welcomed me with her dark eyes. I awkwardly introduced myself. “I already know who you are,” she quipped. “I don’t want to be a part of your club.”

I was taken aback at first, but I understood what she meant. Nobody wants to be part of the Widows Club. It’s a club we do not choose. We feel thrust into it when most of us would rather scream and run in the opposite direction. And yet, there’s a profound comfort I’ve found in connecting with other widow mamas through the years.

Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you didn’t choose to be part of the Single Moms Club, the Infertility Club, the Mental Illness Club, the Divorced Women’s Club, or the fill-in-the-blank-here club, but I’m here to remind you that God has a tender place in His heart for you, just as He did for me as a newly-minted widow.

He has a heart for women who are vulnerable in all kinds of challenging life circumstances. God comforted Hannah, who called herself a “woman with a broken heart” because of her infertility, and He eventually gave her a son (1 Samuel 1:1-20).

Jesus went out of His way to meet a Samaritan woman at the well, who had been through five husbands. He revealed Himself as the Messiah and sent her out to share her story with others (John 4:1-39).

Jesus comforted His dear friends Mary and Martha when their brother Lazarus died. He wept with them even though He knew He was going to perform a miracle and raise Lazarus from the dead (John 11:1-53).

We need to make space for grief. We cannot forge ahead without tending to our trauma and our tender places.

-Dorina Lazo Gilmore-YOung

Friends, we need to make space for grief. We cannot forge ahead without tending to our trauma and our tender places. We all have experienced loss in a variety of ways. Grief does not go away. It can’t be pushed down or stuffed in the closet. Grief will leak out when we least expect it.

I got a message this week from one of my best friends that her mama, who has been fighting cancer for years, is weakening. My friend is praying for strength to be her caregiver. My mind floats back to those final weeks of my husband’s life. A friend told me it was a “sacred privilege” to be able to usher him to Heaven. In my exhaustion and anticipatory grief, I had a hard time understanding how this was a privilege. Looking back, I know it was, indeed, a gift.

Another dear friend sent me a message that her abuelito graduated to heaven. She’s flying to her homeland of El Salvador to be with her family who is mourning. I pray for safe travels and for her young daughter who must stay behind with her daddy.

There’s a circle of grief and glory that does not end until we take our last breath on this earth and cross that finish line into eternity with Jesus. Sometimes that circle feels like riding the merry-go-round on the playground. The world whizzes by, and you can’t quite find your bearings in the grief. But if we lift our heads, the light and glimpses of God’s glory are there too. Even in the tenderness of grief, we get that feeling of earth-meeting-sky, of mourning-waltzing-with-joy, of life-kissing-death.

My twelve-year-old comes into my room before bed. “Mom, I just watched Dad’s funeral on YouTube!” I search her face and realize she is not stricken with grief like one might expect. Instead, she possesses a surprising joy.

“I don’t remember any of those stories from the funeral,” she says. “It was so cool to hear the impact he had on people.”

My girl lost her daddy when she was just five years old. She was like tissue paper back then — beautiful and ever-fragile in her grief. I draw her close and inhale the tangy-sweetness of her skin. This is where the grief and glory meet. And this is where God meets us.

I help facilitate the Widow Mama Collective group on Facebook for young widows. If you or someone you know is a young widow, please share our group with them.

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July 17, 2021 Categories: General, Navigating Grief

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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Before Footer

Last week I embarked on a new adventure. My sister and I were hired as the new chefs for the Open Door Sisterhood retreat in Priest Lake, Idaho. This annual 5-day retreat is part of a year-long experience carefully curated and nurtured by podcast hosts and authors Krista Gilbert and Alexandra Kuykendall. This gathering is designed for professional communicators and business women who want to infuse the hope of Christ into their work.

As I was chopping onions and adding fragrant spices to the pot, I felt great pleasure. My heart swelled with delight as my sister and I showed a small group of women how to roll lumpia just like our Grandma Cora taught us. I experienced joy in serving up Pancit, Bibimbap bowls, Butter Chicken, Pizzelles and Pumpkin tiramisu - all the while sharing the stories of how these foods connect to my family.

I remembered one of my favorite stories in the Bible after the resurrection of Christ. Jesus appears by the Sea of Galilee where his disciples were together. The group heads out to fish, but they don’t catch anything.

The next morning Jesus is standing on the shore waiting for them. He calls out, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”

They answer no.

He urges the to cast their nets on the right sight of the boat. The result is a catch of 153 large fish - so many that the net is torn. Jesus urges them to bring the fish for a big fish fry on the shore. “Come and have breakfast.”

None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish (John 21:11-12, NIV)

We see Jesus’s joy in serving them. He takes time to make bread and prepare fish to nourish them well and then send them out. This is the power of food and sharing a meal across the table. It’s nourishment for the body and soul.

🫶🏾 Friend, what about you? Have you ever had that experience of doing something that brought you great joy and blessed others?

{Read the full reflection here: https://open.substack.com/pub/dorinaglorygram/p/follow-the-joy-set-before-you} #foodie #food #cookingtherapy #nourish #lovelanguage #powertothesisterhood #retreat @theopendoorsisterhood

View

Sep 18

Open
Last week I embarked on a new adventure. My sister and I were hired as the new chefs for the Open Door Sisterhood retreat in Priest Lake, Idaho. This annual 5-day retreat is part of a year-long experience carefully curated and nurtured by podcast hosts and authors Krista Gilbert and Alexandra Kuykendall. This gathering is designed for professional communicators and business women who want to infuse the hope of Christ into their work. 
As I was chopping onions and adding fragrant spices to the pot, I felt great pleasure. My heart swelled with delight as my sister and I showed a small group of women how to roll lumpia just like our Grandma Cora taught us. I experienced joy in serving up Pancit, Bibimbap bowls, Butter Chicken, Pizzelles and Pumpkin tiramisu - all the while sharing the stories of how these foods connect to my family. 
I remembered one of my favorite stories in the Bible after the resurrection of Christ. Jesus appears by the Sea of Galilee where his disciples were together. The group heads out to fish, but they don’t catch anything. 
The next morning Jesus is standing on the shore waiting for them. He calls out, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”
They answer no. 
He urges the to cast their nets on the right sight of the boat. The result is a catch of 153 large fish - so many that the net is torn. Jesus urges them to bring the fish for a big fish fry on the shore. “Come and have breakfast.” 
None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish (John 21:11-12, NIV)
We see Jesus’s joy in serving them. He takes time to make bread and prepare fish to nourish them well and then send them out. This is the power of food and sharing a meal across the table. It’s nourishment for the body and soul.
🫶🏾 Friend, what about you? Have you ever had that experience of doing something that brought you great joy and blessed others?
{Read the full reflection here: https://open.substack.com/pub/dorinaglorygram/p/follow-the-joy-set-before-you} #foodie #food  #cookingtherapy #nourish #lovelanguage #powertothesisterhood #retreat @theopendoorsisterhood
23 1

I had a fantastic Sunday morning running the Diamond 10k! 🩵💎🦋 The weather was simply gorgeous! I could feel a cool breeze kissing my shoulders (most of the way) on the out-and-back course from the San Joaquin River Parkway Conservatory. My hubby Shawn was the race announcer. The runners got to cross the finish line under a chandelier and sparkly sun rays.

This is one of my fave races because of all the phenomenal women cheering each other on, the beautiful jewelry by Endure Jewelry (instead of traditional medals), and of course, the sparkly donuts. 🍩 🏃🏽‍♀️My friend and race director @sunny.runs always has every detail dialed in to make it a beautiful & community-oriented event! After a long week, this was definitely the breath of fresh air and reset I needed!

#glorychasers #walkrunsoar #eatprayrun #runningmotivation #running #runhappy

View

Sep 18

Open
I had a fantastic Sunday morning running the Diamond 10k! 🩵💎🦋 The weather was simply gorgeous! I could feel a cool breeze kissing my shoulders (most of the way) on the out-and-back course from the San Joaquin River Parkway Conservatory. My hubby Shawn was the race announcer. The runners got to cross the finish line under a chandelier and sparkly sun rays. 
This is one of my fave races because of all the phenomenal women cheering each other on, the beautiful jewelry by Endure Jewelry (instead of traditional medals), and of course, the sparkly donuts. 🍩 🏃🏽‍♀️My friend and race director @sunny.runs always has every detail dialed in to make it a beautiful & community-oriented event! After a long week, this was definitely the breath of fresh air and reset I needed! 
#glorychasers #walkrunsoar #eatprayrun #runningmotivation #running #runhappy
47 2

It was truly my joy to
design, cook, and serve up
11 meals
Over 5 days
Taking 13 women on a
World tour.
Nourishing souls.
Telling stories
through food.

#foodiefriday

View

Sep 16

Open
It was truly my joy to
design, cook, and serve up
11 meals
Over 5 days
Taking 13 women on a 
World tour.
Nourishing souls.
Telling stories
through food. 
#foodiefriday
31 4

📖 Join me today for a verse-by-verse reading and unpacking of one of my favorite psalms! Psalm 139 is a reminder that we are known by God and He is always with us.

Maybe you are feeling lonely today. Maybe you are wondering if He really cares about your grieving heart or sees you in the waiting. These honest and passionate words from David are a honey-sweet reminder that we are never alone.

I personally love thinking about God with knitting 🧶 needles designing and knitting each of us together in our mama’s womb. I love thinking about how with thread and needle 🪡 He hems me in.

🫶🏾What was your fave verse or image from Psalm 139?

#psalm #biblestudy #versebyverse #david #fearfullyandwonderfullymade #knitting #bibleverse #psalms

View

Sep 15

Open
📖 Join me today for a verse-by-verse reading and unpacking of one of my favorite psalms! Psalm 139 is a reminder that we are known by God and He is always with us.
Maybe you are feeling lonely today. Maybe you are wondering if He really cares about your grieving heart or sees you in the waiting. These honest and passionate words from David are a honey-sweet reminder that we are never alone.
I personally love thinking about God with knitting 🧶 needles designing and knitting each of us together in our mama’s womb. I love thinking about how with thread and needle 🪡 He hems me in. 
🫶🏾What was your fave verse or image from Psalm 139?
#psalm #biblestudy #versebyverse #david #fearfullyandwonderfullymade #knitting #bibleverse #psalms
20 6

Friend, this book is for you. I wish I could give you a five-step plan, grant you a wish from a magic lamp, or write you a how-to guide that could help you through grief faster. Unfortunately, the only way through grief is through. However, I’m here to offer you a hand and a prayer because I do not want you to journey alone.

Breathing Through Grief releases Nov. 14. My prayer is that these stories, scriptures, and prayers will help you catch your breath and gently guide you toward healing that only comes through communion with Christ.

View

Sep 14

Open
Friend, this book is for you. I wish I could give you a five-step plan, grant you a wish from a magic lamp, or write you a how-to guide that could help you through grief faster. Unfortunately, the only way through grief is through. However, I’m here to offer you a hand and a prayer because I do not want you to journey alone.
Breathing Through Grief releases Nov. 14. My prayer is that these stories, scriptures, and prayers will help you catch your breath and gently guide you toward healing that only comes through communion with Christ.
81 12
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