• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

Chasing God's glory down life's unexpected trails

  • About Dorina
  • Speaking
    • Events
  • Books
    • New Releases
    • Children’s Books
    • Non-Fiction Books
  • Podcast
  • Running
  • Culture + Travel
  • Blog
    • Freebies

Navigating Grief: When you have to say goodbye to the place your heart feels home

By Melissa Ens

“Good grief, Charlie Brown.” I’ve sighed a lot these last few years and wondered what kind of grief, exactly, is the good kind? True, there is godly sorrow that leads to repentance, (2 Cor. 7:10) but what I’ve needed is sorrow that would lead to healing.

In December 2011, my husband, our 3 children and I moved to Peru, where we expected to live for the next decade. Less than two and a half years later, however, we moved back to Fresno, brokenhearted after saying goodbye to our friends, our dreams, and the best golden retriever in the world.

In California and in Peru, seasons come and go. Yet even years later, memories mixed with grief can surface. I still sometimes hesitate to feel and release the sadness they stir up for fear that releasing will somehow mean forgetting.

And that’s what I really don’t want.

I don’t want to forget the wonder I felt in the warmth of our first southern hemisphere’s holiday season. The wonder of arriving in a new country with dreams of a new life there. Our kids’ first Peruvian church service. The ladies spontaneously taking Mikaela and me to see Juanita’s amazing nativity display with hundreds of animals and figurines. (How I miss those mujeres!)

I want to remember Pastor George picking us up near midnight on Christmas Eve, driving us through the plaza to see the decorations on the way to his home to share Christmas with his family. (We still laugh about Timothy falling asleep in the car and then sleeping on the couch through the whole gathering. He was sure after that he’d never been to Pastor George’s house!)

I remember the oddness of seeing Christmas decorations – snowmen, Santas and wrapping paper – on display right next to swimsuits and beach towels for the summer vacation that was just beginning. We got our kids a pool for Christmas the next year and our dog barked in circles around them as they splashed the January afternoons away with our Peruvian pastor’s kids.

Maybe you’ve seen Panetón here. (It’s a sweet cake with candied fruit pieces that Peruvians can’t celebrate holidays without.) Walking through the supermercados there, I was stunned by the endcaps stocked and shelves sky high with boxes and boxes (and hundreds more boxes) of Panetón. Christmas “chocolatadas” for the neighborhood kid ministries meant gallons of hot chocolate made over a wood fire in a huge pot in the back of Anny’s house. (And more panetón.)

And the music… It’s the music I miss the most. I fell in love with Peruvian Christmas music at that first Christmas Eve service. There was even more music in the malls and markets, in restaurants, and the town plazas all decorated for Christmas with trees, trees and more (artificial, but huge and fancy) Christmas trees.

Melissa and her friend, Claudia, pose together in Peru where they met.

 

In 2013, suspecting it might be our last December there, I bought a couple recordings of the traditional Christmas music piped everywhere during the holidays. Two years later I was back in Fresno with those CD’s in my hands.

I had yet to listen to them.

I held them that morning in 2015 and read the titles of the songs wondering what kind of flood of grief would come crashing on the shore of my heart when I heard them. (The year before, I couldn’t even stand the idea.) Now would it bring a tsunami of tears that would wash me away? Or would I just laugh at how awful some of the music was?

I recalled the Christmas program at church our last December in Peru. The kids performed and I had recorded Toby’s class on my phone. As I held the CD’s, I was terrified realizing I didn’t know where that phone was, or if the photos and videos were backed up anywhere. No matter that if I played that song Toby would run away to hide from the grief it stirred up. He couldn’t handle it yet, but I needed to find it so I could hold it in my hands and listen to it again and not run away.

I think now that’s what good grief is. It’s whatever grief we don’t run away from but are willing to run to Jesus with. It’s grief we allow Jesus to carry us through. It’s grief we allow to rain down or well up and felt for what it means – that something or someone we love is no longer with us in the way they used to be.

Good grief recognizes the good that was and accepts the sadness in holding it as just a memory now.

 Dreams, hopes, and even places we held dear in our hearts become part of us. When we lose them or have to let them go, it hurts and we need space to grieve. In our case, leaving Peru meant we all grieved the loss of friendships, the surrender of dreams, and saying goodbye to a place, people (and even a dog) we truly loved.

I finally understand good grief.

Good grief trusts that even as specifics of memories fade, it really is the love that remains. I might not remember everyone’s names, but I will forever carry love for them in my heart. Good grief trusts that carrying love and being carried by Love will be enough.

I knew someday we’d look back and marvel at the fact that we really lived in Peru. I knew it would eventually feel a bit like a dream, but the sadness helps me know it was real. The ache helps me know we really did live there, and we really did love there. I am thankful for that.

Immanuel is still with us. In many ways, healing has come. Grief (and sadly, memories) will continue to fade. But love will always remain.

 

Melissa Ens loves Jesus, singing, words, learning, laughing, watching sunsets with her hubby of 21 years and playing games with her kids. She thinks praying with a pen and journal or talking with friends are the best forms of therapy ever. She used to blog at Musing Melissa, but these days is working on finishing and sharing her story. She’s excited about visiting loved ones in Peru this summer.

 

 

Don’t miss the other articles in this “Navigating Grief as Life Moves Forward” series. Feel free to SHARE with a friend who might need these words of encouragement.

The Garden – an introduction to the series

Grieving Together – an article on grieving with children

Choosing Joy – a guest post about a spouse choosing joy even on a long cancer journey

 When a Grandparent Dies – a guest post about how one mom is navigating her own grief and grief with her kids 

Facing Triggers and Trauma – an article about steering through grief when triggers and trauma arise

Would you like a copy of my FREE resource for “Grieving with Kids“? I’m passionate about meeting people in their grief and sharing a message of hope. Let’s connect!

Share1
Tweet
Share
Pin
1 Shares

April 21, 2017 Categories: Guest Blogger, Navigating GriefTagged: community, culture, Grief, kids, outreach, relationships, serve, struggle, transitions

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Jane F Thompson says

    April 24, 2017 at 5:51 pm

    I so resonated with Melissa. We went as missionaries to Honduras and I figured it was permanent. But when our children’s educational needs dictated that we leave eight years later it felt like I cut out half of my heart. Everyone in the family did, but we didn’t know what was happening to us. We grieved individually, and hurt so much more than we needed to. This month, as my daughter celebrated a big birthday, we finally pulled out videos of the last year there, and let the peace of loving that place and those people wash over us. Healing–finally.

    Reply
    • Melissa Ens says

      May 3, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      Hugs to you Jane! I wish we could sit over coffee and share stories. I’m so sorry about the sorrow your family went through and pray God continues to bring deeper healing where and when it may still be needed.

      Reply
  2. Romy Aiko Yoshimoto says

    December 10, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    Melissa, this is Romy. I went to high school with you and recently saw you at the Kepler open house. Your story and expression so resonates with me. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing you life and the multitudes of emotions that naturally accompany it. How funny that I come across this as I originally looked up Patunia’s Books website as I sit here waiting to get my car washed on this lovely Sunday afternoon! The best to you and your entire family.

    Reply
  3. Karen says

    October 2, 2021 at 5:54 pm

    Romy, did you go to Roosevelt High School in Fresno? I remember that radiant smile of Melissa’s and yours, too!

    Reply
    • Dorina says

      October 3, 2021 at 6:10 am

      I didn’t but Melissa did, I believe!

      Reply
  4. Karen says

    October 3, 2021 at 7:45 am

    Yes! I thought I recognized her! Thank you for responding, Dorina!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




Primary Sidebar

Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

Find me on Social Media

Categories

  • Book Reviews
  • Culture
  • Featured
  • General
  • Guest Blogger
  • Navigating Grief
  • Podcast
  • Recipes
  • Running

Recent Posts

  • An unexpected adoption: You are loved as God’s daughter February 15, 2023
  • Top 10 Books I Read in 2022 January 29, 2023
  • We Can Bear Witness to the Glory of God in Each Other December 21, 2022
  • Rejoice Advent Devotional: How strength rises when we wait December 19, 2022
  • Learning to trust the Potter and the process November 11, 2022

Popular Posts

  • Celebrating a Heaveniversary: 10 ways to honor a loved one’s death
  • 10 meaningful sympathy gift ideas for widows and families
  • My refuge: Resting under the shadow of His wings
  • 10 creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory (and clean out the garage)

Tags

abundance behold brave christian blog christianity christmas community compassion cooking courage creativity culture death dorina lazo gilmore family life fear finishing well flourishing food stories friendship gifts Grief haiti hope identity Incourage essays inspirational kids laughter Main dish margin marriage parenting passion relationships rest self-care serve sharing faith social justice struggle transitions wonder world travel writing

Before Footer

🥳 I’m so excited to chat with children’s book illustrator Lynnor Bontigao on my Global Glory Chasers broadcast tomorrow about writing and illustrating children’s books.

Lynnor Bontigao stapled her first illustrated story at the age of 10 in the Philippines. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Visual Communication. In college, she joined Ang InK, a children’s illustrator group where she fell in love with children’s books. She worked as a graphic designer before moving to the US in 1996. In the US, she studied programming and became a Programmer Analyst for a major financial firm in NYC for 15 years and went back to her first love, art.

She is the author-illustrator of SARI-SARI SUMMERS, her debut picture book with Candlewick Press. She is also the illustrator of THE WORLD`S BEST CLASS PLANT written by award-winning authors Liz Garton Scanlon & Audrey Vernick, as well as YOU ARE REVOLUTIONARY by Cindy Wang Brandt of the popular podcast, Parenting Forward.

Lynnor is a member of the Society of Children`s Book Writers and Illustrators and the winner of the 2020 SCBWI Tomie dePaola Professional Development Award, the 2020 Kweli/SCBWI Emerging Voice Award, and the 2021 Kweli Sing the Truth! Mentorship. Lynnor was also September 2021 SCBWI Featured Illustrator. She loves stories where family relationships, culture, and food are intertwined. Lynnor Bontigao lives in Roselle Park, NJ with her family and 1 tiny dog.

🎤 Join us at 1 pm PT | 4 pm ET right here on IGlive! We will also be sharing about our coming children’s book, Kailani’s Gift! Tag a friend who might enjoy this broadcast too!

#kidlit #globalglorychasers #filipino #filipina @waterbrookmultnomahkids #multicultural #representationmatters #childrensauthor #childrensauthorsofinstagram #childrensauthor

View

Mar 29

Open
🥳 I’m so excited to chat with children’s book illustrator  Lynnor Bontigao on my Global Glory Chasers broadcast tomorrow about writing and illustrating children’s books. 
Lynnor Bontigao stapled her first illustrated story at the age of 10 in the Philippines. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Visual Communication. In college, she joined Ang InK, a children’s illustrator group where she fell in love with children’s books. She worked as a graphic designer before moving to the US in 1996. In the US, she studied programming and became a Programmer Analyst for a major financial firm in NYC for 15 years and went back to her first love, art. 
She is the author-illustrator of SARI-SARI SUMMERS, her debut picture book with Candlewick Press. She is also the illustrator of THE WORLD'S BEST CLASS PLANT written by award-winning authors Liz Garton Scanlon & Audrey Vernick, as well as YOU ARE REVOLUTIONARY by Cindy Wang Brandt of the popular podcast, Parenting Forward.
Lynnor is a member of the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators and the winner of the 2020 SCBWI Tomie dePaola Professional Development Award, the 2020 Kweli/SCBWI Emerging Voice Award, and the 2021 Kweli Sing the Truth! Mentorship. Lynnor was also September 2021 SCBWI Featured Illustrator. She loves stories where family relationships, culture, and food are intertwined. Lynnor Bontigao lives in Roselle Park, NJ with her family and 1 tiny dog.
🎤 Join us at 1 pm PT | 4 pm ET right here on IGlive! We will also be sharing about our coming children’s book, Kailani’s Gift! Tag a friend who might enjoy this broadcast too! 
#kidlit #globalglorychasers #filipino #filipina @waterbrookmultnomahkids #multicultural #representationmatters #childrensauthor #childrensauthorsofinstagram #childrensauthor
31 1

📚Did you know pre-orders are a big deal for launching books?! When people pre-order, it helps retailers like Amazon and even smaller bookstores know that this book is worth stocking and sharing.

👉🏾Pre-order my new children’s book, Chasing God’s Glory, through one of your fave retailers and get access to exclusive content we’ve created just for you!

As part of your pre-order bonuses, you’ll receive:

🖍️Glory Chasing Family Activity Pack that’s filled with scavenger hunts, coloring crafts, a pineapple empanada recipe, and more fun for the entire family

🌎 Free access to a Global Glory Chasers Course on Brownicity (one country of your choice)

✍🏾 Dorina’s Glorygram with weekly encouragement, recipes, resources and fun giveaways

Hop over here for details: https://dorinagilmore.com/chasing-gods-glory/

🚀 If you want to join my launch team and share about the book, I can send you a sneak peek digital copy! DM me or respond here! Grateful!

#booklaunch #kidlit #authorsofinstagram #authorssupportingauthors #writersofinstagram #hopewriterlife @redbudwriters #picturebook #readingwithkids

View

Mar 28

Open
📚Did you know pre-orders are a big deal for launching books?! When people pre-order, it helps retailers like Amazon and even smaller bookstores know that this book is worth stocking and sharing. 
👉🏾Pre-order my new children’s book, Chasing God’s Glory, through one of your fave retailers and get access to exclusive content we’ve created just for you!
As part of your pre-order bonuses, you’ll receive:
🖍️Glory Chasing Family Activity Pack that’s filled with scavenger hunts, coloring crafts, a pineapple empanada recipe, and more fun for the entire family
🌎 Free access to a Global Glory Chasers Course on Brownicity (one country of your choice)
✍🏾 Dorina’s Glorygram with weekly encouragement, recipes, resources and fun giveaways
Hop over here for details: https://dorinagilmore.com/chasing-gods-glory/
🚀 If you want to join my launch team and share about the book, I can send you a sneak peek digital copy! DM me or respond here! Grateful! 
#booklaunch #kidlit #authorsofinstagram #authorssupportingauthors #writersofinstagram #hopewriterlife @redbudwriters #picturebook #readingwithkids
56 7

🥳I just had to share this moment with you! It’s my first first time holding my book in my hands… Here’s a sneak peek inside Chasing God’s Glory, which releases on April 11! Three. More. Weeks!

🌅Pre-order your copy at your favorite retailer, grab the pre-order bonus Family Activity Pack, and learn more at https://dorinagilmore.com/chasing-gods-glory/ 🚴

View

Mar 27

Open
🥳I just had to share this moment with you! It’s my first first time holding my book in my hands… Here’s a sneak peek inside Chasing God’s Glory, which releases on April 11! Three. More. Weeks!
🌅Pre-order your copy at your favorite retailer, grab the pre-order bonus Family Activity Pack, and learn more at https://dorinagilmore.com/chasing-gods-glory/ 🚴
152 60

Weekends are for glory chasing…

#glorychasers #chasinggodsglory #walkrunsoar #trailrunning

View

Mar 27

Open
Weekends are for glory chasing…
#glorychasers #chasinggodsglory #walkrunsoar #trailrunning
30 2

Come learn more about how to chase God`s glory through our everyday world and my new children`s book on the @incourage podcast today! I`m chatting with Community Manager @beckykeife about the story behind the book and why I`m so passionate about leading others to experience God`s glory.

The (in)courage podcast is brought to you by DaySpring. For over 50 years, DaySpring has created quality cards, books, and gifts that help you live your faith. Find out more at DaySpring.com.

Listen in anywhere you find your podcasts!

#podcast #podcasts #podcaster #podcasting #podcastlife #podcastersofinstagram #faithpodcast #kidlit #kidlitauthor

View

Mar 25

Open
Come learn more about how to chase God's glory through our everyday world and my new children's book on the @incourage podcast today! I'm chatting with Community Manager @beckykeife about the story behind the book and why I'm so passionate about leading others to experience God's glory.
The (in)courage podcast is brought to you by DaySpring. For over 50 years, DaySpring has created quality cards, books, and gifts that help you live your faith. Find out more at DaySpring.com.
Listen in anywhere you find your podcasts! 
#podcast #podcasts #podcaster #podcasting #podcastlife #podcastersofinstagram #faithpodcast #kidlit #kidlitauthor
47 4
FOLLOW @DorinaGilmore

After Footer

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2023 • Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young • Privacy Policy

Breathing Through Grief Resources