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Navigating Grief: When Someone You Love Dies Suddenly

 

By Kimberly Rose

Your mom lives forever. At least that is what I told my little girl self growing up. Or at least I was counting on that as truth since I was being raised by a single parent.

I grew up poor, and we moved a lot. I have three older sisters, but there are a dozen years between us. For many years, that meant I had my mom all to myself.

My older siblings were not able to break out of the poverty we lived in. They struggled with many of the same pitfalls and addictions that plagued earlier generations of our family.

I knew about the history of failure and defeat in my family. I was a watcher. I carefully watched the mistakes my sisters and mother made so I would not grow up and make them too.

My mom knew that I had a potential for greatness. She saw the fire and passion in my eyes when I talked about future dreams. My mom knew one thing for sure: God had given her another chance at motherhood late into her thirties. He had also given her what she believed would be a child she could pour into and push to higher ground.

And push she did. I almost buckled under the weight of her expectations. Always late, but never giving up.

I worked hard and earned my high school diploma. Mama cried uncontrollably when I handed it to her. Only one of my family members had completed high school up to that point. I told her that some people at church were going to help me get to college. We were both uncertain about how the financial aspect would all work, but we knew that even though we had economic challenges, I was smart and worked hard. Mom was supportive and inspired. We knew with God on our side it was possible.

Climbing the mountain of college, nearing the peak, seeing the summit of the very last semester, I got the phone call.

“Are you sitting down?” My oldest sister’s voice over the phone. “Mom’s gone.” I wasn’t sure I’d heard right. The air in my body was sucked out. My knees hit the ground. I couldn’t breathe.

My sister’s voice was shaking.

My mother was crossing a popular intersection in our town in the middle of the afternoon. A car ran the light, and hit her, killing her instantly. The car never broke, and never stopped. No one really saw what happened. Only a vague description of the car was reported. She laid in the street for all the world to see, and no one knew what to do.

I called her answering machine over and over to hear her voice just one.more.time.

It was not like terminal illness, where I had to painfully watch her die. I was never given the opportunity to say that one last goodbye. She was here one day, and gone the next, passing through me like the wind.

No more.

No more holidays, no advice on marriage, no one to call when I nervously held my crying newborn at 2 a.m.

I asked my professors for two weeks leave from school to bury my mother and take care of my affairs. I knew what I had to do. In my grief, I felt the push. The same push I’d felt all my life – to go on and to honor her with the one thing she wanted.

I graduated that spring earning my bachelor degree. Sitting alone in a crowded auditorium my eyes searched frantically for a sign, anything to symbolize her spirit. My eyes rested on the school emblem. “There you are,”  I barely whispered. The school I attended for four years was founded the same year my mother was born.

Sometimes a song, a smell, or someone in a crowd who looks so much like your loved one causes you to look again. Hints of grief are always there. But, we can move forward.

One day, one step, one breath at a time. The best way to navigate grief is to live.

 

 

 

Kimberly Rose lives in Central California. She teaches full-time and is working on a master’s degree in administration. She is a marathoner/ultra runner, chasing the Boston dream. Kimberly embraces grief today by finding the small moments that make life meaningful. 

 

 

Don’t miss the other articles in this “Navigating Grief as Life Moves Forward” series. Feel free to SHARE with a friend who might need these words of encouragement.

The Garden – an introduction to the series

Grieving Together – an article on grieving with children

Choosing Joy – a guest post about a spouse choosing joy even on a long cancer journey

When a Grandparent Dies – a guest post about how one mom is navigating her own grief and grief with her kids 

Facing Triggers and Trauma – an article about steering through grief when triggers and trauma color the journey

When You are the Caregiver – an article about navigating grief and feelings of guilt when you have a front-row seat to a loved one’s decline

When You Have to Say Goodbye to the Place Your Heart Calls Home – a guest post exploring the idea of “good grief” we experience when we are uprooted from a place or home we love

When You’ve Experienced Pregnancy Loss – a guest post sharing a first-hand experience with miscarriage and stillbirth.

Would you like a copy of my FREE resource for “Grieving with Kids“? I’m passionate about meeting people in their grief and sharing a message of hope and glory. Let’s connect!

 

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April 27, 2017 Categories: Guest Blogger, Navigating GriefTagged: flourishing, Grief, hope, identity, parenting, relationships, struggle, transitions

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  1. Jovi says

    April 28, 2017 at 1:24 am

    A Beautiful series of two beautiful souls.
    ❤

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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Woke up at the crack of dawn to go on a photography adventure with my middle girl. The Clovis Fest Hot Air Balloon Show did not disappoint! 🎈Hope floats.

🫶🏾Hop over to @thefeatheronline to see Giada’s first photo post for the student newspaper!

@old_town_clovis #clovis #hotairballoonfestival @clovischamber

View

Sep 24

Open
Woke up at the crack of dawn to go on a photography adventure with my middle girl. The Clovis Fest Hot Air Balloon Show did not disappoint! 🎈Hope floats.
🫶🏾Hop over to @thefeatheronline to see Giada’s first photo post for the student newspaper!
@old_town_clovis #clovis #hotairballoonfestival @clovischamber
77 4

📣Today we celebrated the launch of our new web site with the @thefeatheronline newspaper staff! I’m so proud of these students! What a joy to step into a new role this year as a writing coach and to partner with @korijamesphoto to equip these young journalists!

My @meilanigilmore is the new Arts & Entertainment Editor and Giada joined the photojournalist staff! Also, good celebration always involves good eats! Hop over to www.TheFeather.com or download our app through Student News Source and check out their work! 🎉 #studentjournalism @fresnochristianschools

View

Sep 23

Open
📣Today we celebrated the launch of our new web site with the @thefeatheronline newspaper staff! I’m so proud of these students! What a joy to step into a new role this year as a writing coach and to partner with @korijamesphoto to equip these young journalists! 
My @meilanigilmore is the new Arts & Entertainment Editor and Giada joined the photojournalist staff! Also, good celebration always involves good eats! Hop over to www.TheFeather.com or download our app through Student News Source and check out their work! 🎉 #studentjournalism @fresnochristianschools
29 0

Join me as I walk through Psalm 140 today! This psalm comes from the pen of David, who is crying out for deliverance. He appeals to God who is full of mercy and justice.❤️‍🩹

🫶🏾Friend, do you need someone to guard you today? Are you feeling hunted, tempted, discouraged? Drop an emoji below so I can pray for you. And go read Psalm 140!

📝Hop over to DorinaGilmore.com to sign up for my Glorygram and enter for a copy of Pilgrim by Ruth Chou Simons.

#devotional #prayer #biblestudy #psalm #david #deliverer

View

Sep 22

Open
Join me as I walk through Psalm 140 today! This psalm comes from the pen of David, who is crying out for deliverance. He appeals to God who is full of mercy and justice.❤️‍🩹
🫶🏾Friend, do you need someone to guard you today? Are you feeling hunted, tempted, discouraged? Drop an emoji below so I can pray for you. And go read Psalm 140! 
📝Hop over to DorinaGilmore.com to sign up for my Glorygram and enter for a copy of Pilgrim by Ruth Chou Simons. 
#devotional #prayer #biblestudy #psalm #david #deliverer
23 3

My heart is full after a week of teaching, preaching, and listening to the stories of the beautiful women of my church. We are going through a study called Foundations written by our pastor @bell_brad

I got to teach on this week’s theme, “Sharing Your Story,” and illuminated the powerful testimonies of three women in the Bible who met Jesus, were transformed by His love, and then were sent out to share their stories.

In our small group time, women were invited to share their 3-minute stories around the tables. There were lots of tears, but also laughter and breakthroughs.

✍🏾Did you know God designed our bodies so that physiological healing happens in sharing our stories? Trauma can get dislodged from places it might be stuck in our brains and new pathways are formed.

🎤 You can listen to my message here: https://thewellcommunity.org/podcasts/womens-bible-study/foundations-week

#sharingstories #womensupportingwomen #ladypreacher #biblestudy #womensbiblestudy #samaritanwoman #bleedingwoman #marymagdalene #sisterhood #brainscience @wellchurch @melissadanisi

View

Sep 22

Open
My heart is full after a week of teaching, preaching, and listening to the stories of the beautiful women of my church. We are going through a study called Foundations written by our pastor @bell_brad 
I got to teach on this week’s theme, “Sharing Your Story,” and illuminated the powerful testimonies of three women in the Bible who met Jesus, were transformed by His love, and then were sent out to share their stories. 
In our small group time, women were invited to share their 3-minute stories around the tables. There were lots of tears, but also laughter and breakthroughs.
✍🏾Did you know God designed our bodies so that physiological healing happens in sharing our stories? Trauma can get dislodged from places it might be stuck in our brains and new pathways are formed. 
🎤 You can listen to my message here: https://thewellcommunity.org/podcasts/womens-bible-study/foundations-week
#sharingstories #womensupportingwomen #ladypreacher #biblestudy #womensbiblestudy #samaritanwoman #bleedingwoman #marymagdalene #sisterhood #brainscience @wellchurch @melissadanisi
86 4

I’ve created this compassionate resource for your personal journey with grief. This book was 8 years in the making and offers a comforting, giftable resource for those who are processing their own loss, whether of a loved one, a season of life, or a dream. Breathing Through Grief includes 25 short devotionals that each focus on a different aspect of grief from my personal experience.

The journal also includes special resources such as:
•
breathing exercises
•
reflection questions
•
soul care tips
•
ample writing space
•
advice on how to talk to children about death
•
suggestions on how to approach triggers
•
creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory

If you or someone close to you is walking through loss⁠, let the comforting words in Breathing Through Grief encourage you with the knowledge that you are not alone and bring you a semblance of peace as you continue forward on the road to healing.

The book releases Nov. 14. You can pre-order today. For more information, visit www.waterbrookmultnomah.com.

View

Sep 21

Open
I’ve created this compassionate resource for your personal journey with grief. This book was 8 years in the making and offers a comforting, giftable resource for those who are processing their own loss, whether of a loved one, a season of life, or a dream. Breathing Through Grief includes 25 short devotionals that each focus on a different aspect of grief from my personal experience.
The journal also includes special resources such as:
•
breathing exercises
•
reflection questions
•
soul care tips
•
ample writing space
•
advice on how to talk to children about death
•
suggestions on how to approach triggers
•
creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory
If you or someone close to you is walking through loss⁠, let the comforting words in Breathing Through Grief encourage you with the knowledge that you are not alone and bring you a semblance of peace as you continue forward on the road to healing.
The book releases Nov. 14. You can pre-order today. For more information, visit www.waterbrookmultnomah.com.
51 8
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