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Navigating Grief: Facing Triggers and Trauma

 

I take the exit for Herndon Avenue. My heart starts to race as I approach that intersection. I look to my right, and my eyes linger on the stone statue of Jesus with hands spread, that circular drive, the white façade of the towering buildings. I feel a little queasy.

Although my husband only spent three days in that hospital during his cancer journey, I remember it felt like an eternity. I had to take him in after his tumor ruptured. They performed an emergency surgery. We spent two sleepless nights together tossing and turning in the nightmare of our new reality.

Both the surgeon and the oncologist told me he only had a short time to live. My worst fears were coming true.

My husband graduated to Heaven less than two months later.

For a long time, I had trouble driving down Herndon. I knew I had to pass that hospital and the anxiety would rise up from the depths of my stomach. I would start to feel sweaty. My hands would shake on the steering wheel. I would find myself frozen in time. The scenes and conversations from our time there would repeat in my mind.

That place, that intersection is a trigger for me. Triggers are common for widows and people in general who have lost a loved one or endured a traumatic event. In a simple sense, a trigger is a sight, sound or smell that brings a person back to a memory that causes her to review the death or traumatic event over and over in her mind.

My choices: avoid that street altogether or lean in and process the memories.

According to Jill Harrington LaMorie, a licensed clinical social worker with Open to Hope ministry: “Most are not aware that death by traumatic means qualifies as a traumatic stressor and leaves the survivor more vulnerable to post traumatic stress in addition to grief.”

I didn’t think about the trauma I’d been through over my husband’s death until one day when I was sitting in circle with a group of young widows and one said she had PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Prior to that, I always connected PTSD with those who have experienced trauma because of military service. My dad counsels war veterans. He tells me PTSD is common among them. I never thought about PTSD in the context of other types of death and the grief journey.

Then I started paying attention.

I listened to another widow friend unfold the details of her husband’s death because of cancer. As she spoke in a trembling voice, I knew her memories had triggers like mine. She affirmed that going certain places or even seeing certain people threw her back to memories of his death. In some ways, it’s like a repeating track in the mind that just needs someone or something to press play.

Patty Behrens, my friend and therapist who specializes in grief and loss, says trauma is common in her clients. She says it’s especially prevalent among young widows and those who have lost children when there was a sudden or traumatic death. This can manifest into PTSD, depending on the length and symptoms of the actual diagnoses.

I still drive by that hospital almost every day but my reaction is not the same as it was two years ago. Thankfully, with God’s help, I have been able to work through these triggers. I had to create new grooves for my mind so it wouldn’t play that track. I learned to pray, recite scripture and deliberately move my mind to think about good memories with my husband.

I know navigating trauma is unique process for every person. For some, it might require counseling. For others, it might require the support of community. For others, that may be a personal journey leaning into the memories and learning to redeem them with the help of the Holy Spirit. There is no shame in any of these. It’s another reminder that every grief journey is unique. We need to offer up grace to ourselves and others as they steer through this difficult journey called grief.

 

 

 

Have you experienced these kinds of triggers or memories in your own grief journey? How do you face them? Please comment or share this article with a friend who might benefit.

 

Have you missed the other articles in our Navigating Grief as Life Moves Forward series? Check them out here:

The Garden – an introduction to the series

Grieving Together – an article on grieving with children

Choosing Joy – a guest post about a spouse choosing joy even on a long cancer journey

 When a Grandparent Dies – a guest post about how one mom is navigating her own grief and grief with her kids 

Facing Triggers and Trauma – an article about steering through grief when triggers and trauma arise

Would you like a copy of my FREE resource for “Grieving with Kids“? I’m passionate about meeting people in their grief and sharing a message of hope. Let’s connect!

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April 12, 2017 Categories: Navigating GriefTagged: fear, Grief, hope, trauma

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. barbara simons says

    April 17, 2017 at 6:50 am

    As a life coach (in training) I understand the physiological limbic system in the brain that gets triggered by traumatic events in ones life. With our Creators help we can heal those traumas and build new pathways(neurons) to help us in the grief process and with PTS.
    Thank you Dorina your post is a very important step in the grief journey!

    Reply
    • Dorina Gilmore says

      April 18, 2017 at 3:08 pm

      I like the idea of “building new pathways.” Thanks for your words of encouragement, Barbara!

      Reply

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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Woke up at the crack of dawn to go on a photography adventure with my middle girl. The Clovis Fest Hot Air Balloon Show did not disappoint! 🎈Hope floats.

🫶🏾Hop over to @thefeatheronline to see Giada’s first photo post for the student newspaper!

@old_town_clovis #clovis #hotairballoonfestival @clovischamber

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Sep 24

Open
Woke up at the crack of dawn to go on a photography adventure with my middle girl. The Clovis Fest Hot Air Balloon Show did not disappoint! 🎈Hope floats.
🫶🏾Hop over to @thefeatheronline to see Giada’s first photo post for the student newspaper!
@old_town_clovis #clovis #hotairballoonfestival @clovischamber
78 4

📣Today we celebrated the launch of our new web site with the @thefeatheronline newspaper staff! I’m so proud of these students! What a joy to step into a new role this year as a writing coach and to partner with @korijamesphoto to equip these young journalists!

My @meilanigilmore is the new Arts & Entertainment Editor and Giada joined the photojournalist staff! Also, good celebration always involves good eats! Hop over to www.TheFeather.com or download our app through Student News Source and check out their work! 🎉 #studentjournalism @fresnochristianschools

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Sep 23

Open
📣Today we celebrated the launch of our new web site with the @thefeatheronline newspaper staff! I’m so proud of these students! What a joy to step into a new role this year as a writing coach and to partner with @korijamesphoto to equip these young journalists! 
My @meilanigilmore is the new Arts & Entertainment Editor and Giada joined the photojournalist staff! Also, good celebration always involves good eats! Hop over to www.TheFeather.com or download our app through Student News Source and check out their work! 🎉 #studentjournalism @fresnochristianschools
29 0

Join me as I walk through Psalm 140 today! This psalm comes from the pen of David, who is crying out for deliverance. He appeals to God who is full of mercy and justice.❤️‍🩹

🫶🏾Friend, do you need someone to guard you today? Are you feeling hunted, tempted, discouraged? Drop an emoji below so I can pray for you. And go read Psalm 140!

📝Hop over to DorinaGilmore.com to sign up for my Glorygram and enter for a copy of Pilgrim by Ruth Chou Simons.

#devotional #prayer #biblestudy #psalm #david #deliverer

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Sep 22

Open
Join me as I walk through Psalm 140 today! This psalm comes from the pen of David, who is crying out for deliverance. He appeals to God who is full of mercy and justice.❤️‍🩹
🫶🏾Friend, do you need someone to guard you today? Are you feeling hunted, tempted, discouraged? Drop an emoji below so I can pray for you. And go read Psalm 140! 
📝Hop over to DorinaGilmore.com to sign up for my Glorygram and enter for a copy of Pilgrim by Ruth Chou Simons. 
#devotional #prayer #biblestudy #psalm #david #deliverer
23 3

My heart is full after a week of teaching, preaching, and listening to the stories of the beautiful women of my church. We are going through a study called Foundations written by our pastor @bell_brad

I got to teach on this week’s theme, “Sharing Your Story,” and illuminated the powerful testimonies of three women in the Bible who met Jesus, were transformed by His love, and then were sent out to share their stories.

In our small group time, women were invited to share their 3-minute stories around the tables. There were lots of tears, but also laughter and breakthroughs.

✍🏾Did you know God designed our bodies so that physiological healing happens in sharing our stories? Trauma can get dislodged from places it might be stuck in our brains and new pathways are formed.

🎤 You can listen to my message here: https://thewellcommunity.org/podcasts/womens-bible-study/foundations-week

#sharingstories #womensupportingwomen #ladypreacher #biblestudy #womensbiblestudy #samaritanwoman #bleedingwoman #marymagdalene #sisterhood #brainscience @wellchurch @melissadanisi

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Sep 22

Open
My heart is full after a week of teaching, preaching, and listening to the stories of the beautiful women of my church. We are going through a study called Foundations written by our pastor @bell_brad 
I got to teach on this week’s theme, “Sharing Your Story,” and illuminated the powerful testimonies of three women in the Bible who met Jesus, were transformed by His love, and then were sent out to share their stories. 
In our small group time, women were invited to share their 3-minute stories around the tables. There were lots of tears, but also laughter and breakthroughs.
✍🏾Did you know God designed our bodies so that physiological healing happens in sharing our stories? Trauma can get dislodged from places it might be stuck in our brains and new pathways are formed. 
🎤 You can listen to my message here: https://thewellcommunity.org/podcasts/womens-bible-study/foundations-week
#sharingstories #womensupportingwomen #ladypreacher #biblestudy #womensbiblestudy #samaritanwoman #bleedingwoman #marymagdalene #sisterhood #brainscience @wellchurch @melissadanisi
86 4

I’ve created this compassionate resource for your personal journey with grief. This book was 8 years in the making and offers a comforting, giftable resource for those who are processing their own loss, whether of a loved one, a season of life, or a dream. Breathing Through Grief includes 25 short devotionals that each focus on a different aspect of grief from my personal experience.

The journal also includes special resources such as:
•
breathing exercises
•
reflection questions
•
soul care tips
•
ample writing space
•
advice on how to talk to children about death
•
suggestions on how to approach triggers
•
creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory

If you or someone close to you is walking through loss⁠, let the comforting words in Breathing Through Grief encourage you with the knowledge that you are not alone and bring you a semblance of peace as you continue forward on the road to healing.

The book releases Nov. 14. You can pre-order today. For more information, visit www.waterbrookmultnomah.com.

View

Sep 21

Open
I’ve created this compassionate resource for your personal journey with grief. This book was 8 years in the making and offers a comforting, giftable resource for those who are processing their own loss, whether of a loved one, a season of life, or a dream. Breathing Through Grief includes 25 short devotionals that each focus on a different aspect of grief from my personal experience.
The journal also includes special resources such as:
•
breathing exercises
•
reflection questions
•
soul care tips
•
ample writing space
•
advice on how to talk to children about death
•
suggestions on how to approach triggers
•
creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory
If you or someone close to you is walking through loss⁠, let the comforting words in Breathing Through Grief encourage you with the knowledge that you are not alone and bring you a semblance of peace as you continue forward on the road to healing.
The book releases Nov. 14. You can pre-order today. For more information, visit www.waterbrookmultnomah.com.
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