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Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

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Grief journey: How to lift your eyes in the brokenness

The following is guest post written by my new friend and fellow Hope*Writer Tara Dickson. We met through a writer’s group and I found myself resonating with her story. I am privileged to watch her navigate her “new normal” as a widow mama and grandma. I hope her story ministers to you today!


Life doesn’t look the way I expected. Does it for anyone?

My husband left this earth and walked into Heaven a year ago February. An incredibly fit and healthy man, the brain cancer he battled for a year and a half was the last thing we expected on the New Year’s Eve he was diagnosed.  

Can we just stop? I want a do over. How can I can keep from walking into this New Year and all that it holds?

This was not what I wanted my life to look like. Alan would have turned 46 the day after he exhaled earth and inhaled Heaven.  Our children weren’t tiny but they all still needed him. Our oldest daughter had just walked through an extremely painful season in her life a year and a half before. Her daddy, her rock, spoke truth over her at every turn, reminding her to trust herself to the Father. He had coffee with her every morning and held her new baby as she mourned her broken dreams.  

Our oldest son had just started college, while our younger son was in high school. They were both trying to figure out what manhood looked like. Then, there was our youngest daughter. She was 13 when her daddy was diagnosed. She is a natural peacemaker, which means she felt everyone else’s feelings on top of her own.

I still remember the day we were sitting around the dinner table and Alan was telling his sister of how he wrestled with the Lord about his healing. He worried about what would happen to us if he was called to Heaven.

Then, with supernatural peace, Alan told her the Father had reassured him He would and could take better care of us than Alan could possibly imagine doing himself.  My flesh wanted to say, “Wait! When did this conversation happen? I am not okay with this!” It wasn’t many months after that Alan did pass on to Heaven.

Grief is hard, beloved. It breaks your heart wide open and lays you bare. Open and empty for the beautiful work He wants to do. It laid our hearts open to hear his voice call us to move to a new state, and brought good changes that affected each one of us.

The ache in our hearts was real, like a big stone resting on my chest, even making breathing hard.  No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t lift it off.

Spring break started the weekend Alan left this earth. We took that opportunity to get away from the beds we couldn’t sleep in and the questions that followed us around town. The ocean was calling me with waves that reminded me my God is bigger than any storm.

It was the end of February, still too cold to swim but walking the beach kept my body moving. The sand between my toes reminded me that I was still living even though my heart was broken. The constant tide pulling the waves in and out shouted at me that life was moving on even if I felt stuck.

I never find unbroken sand dollars; Alan always did. He was much more patient than I was. That day as I walked along the beach looking on my right and left, I glanced down and in a pool of standing water I saw a small perfect sand dollar. I gently picked it up and held it high the rest of our time on the beach, carefully protecting its delicate beauty.

However, in the throes of washing off sandy feet, ordering lunch, holding Ava, my granddaughter, and going to the bathroom, I inadvertently stuck it in my pocket with another shell. You guessed it, it broke. I discovered it later when I was searching my pockets for something else. I wanted to weep but there were no tears.

As I picked the broken pieces out of my pocket trying to see if it could be pieced back together, the inside of the sand dollar turned up in my hand. The oh-so-tiny, but very present “dove of peace.”

Then the Lord reminded me that when beautiful things are broken there can still be peace in the midst of it all. How can this be so? Through God’s grace and by His word.

The fiercer the battle, dear ones, the more important it is to make sure our hearts our filled up with His truth.  When our hearts are wrung straight out in the pressing of our circumstances the truth of God is what spills out and it extinguishes the lies of the enemy. I have seen my heart spill out doubt and fear as well as joy in the mourning and trust that when I am weak He is strong.

Hebrews 4:12  says, “The word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.”

That walk on the beach may have been the beginning of God teaching me to “Lift up your eyes” to His presence but it hasn’t been the last. He will use anything in our path to reminds us, that His word can penetrate the deepest parts of our soul and spirit. Where there are lies, it will uproot them and plant truth. Where there is unbelief, it will pluck it up and plant faith. Where there is despair, it will cast it aside and plant hope.

So, join me dear one, in lifting your eyes, to the one who longs to reframe everything. Let Him be the lifter of your head and let Him take your broken things and  help you find peace in the midst of them.

 

Tara is a recent widow and mother to four children. She is Nana to Ava Rose and newborn, Aria Violette.  Walking through grief has brought Tara back to her first love, children’s literature. She is finishing up a children’s series and is committed to bringing hope to children and adults alike through her writing. Tara loves a good cup of coffee and bringing life to any space, but nothing tops being a mom and nana! Find her on Facebook and  Instagram.

 

 

Photo credit for sand dollar: johnkoetsier via Visualhunt / CC BY-NC-ND

Are you on a grief journey? Check out these articles and my weekly Glorygram for more encouragement on your journey.

 

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August 11, 2017 Categories: Guest Blogger, Navigating GriefTagged: death, family life, fear, Grief, parenting

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Comments

  1. Adriel Booker says

    August 11, 2017 at 2:12 pm

    Tara, this is beautiful and wise! Your story of the sand dollar and dove of peace… that has lodged itself in my heart. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Tara Dickson says

      August 12, 2017 at 6:04 pm

      Thank you Adriel! I love how the Lord will speak to us in every way possible. He meets us in ways we will remember!

      Reply

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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Recent Posts

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  • Mind the Gap: How God meets us when we are not enough April 24, 2023
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  • Top 10 Books I Read in 2022 January 29, 2023
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📚Why yes, yes I am a little bit giddy about seeing my newest book baby for the first time in our local Barnes & Noble. The thrill just never gets old. 🐛

Chasing God’s Glory entered the world in April. It’s the story of a girl named Zayla who goes on a bike ride treasure hunt with her mama to find God’s glory! 🌅🚴🏽‍♀️

Also, our favorite way to spend a day off is perusing bookstores! I’m so grateful my kids are willing to join me for the adventure!

#chasingGodsglory #glorychasers @barnesandnoble #kidlit #bookstoreday #newrelease #authorsofinstagram #picturebook @waterbrookmultnomahkids

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May 29

Open
📚Why yes, yes I am a little bit giddy about seeing my newest book baby for the first time in our local Barnes & Noble. The thrill just never gets old. 🐛 
Chasing God’s Glory entered the world in April. It’s the story of a girl named Zayla who goes on a bike ride treasure hunt with her mama to find God’s glory! 🌅🚴🏽‍♀️
Also, our favorite way to spend a day off is perusing bookstores! I’m so grateful my kids are willing to join me for the adventure! 
#chasingGodsglory #glorychasers @barnesandnoble #kidlit #bookstoreday #newrelease #authorsofinstagram #picturebook @waterbrookmultnomahkids
61 8

This weekend I had the thrill of a lifetime watching two of our track athletes snag first place in the para ambulatory division of the California State Track & Field Championships.

As we were waiting for the 400-meter race, Bailey’s mama showed me a picture of her when they picked her up from the orphanage in China. She came from a hard place, but her beautiful, dark eyes shone with light - a glimpse of her hopeful future.

Bayley was born without legs. This Track season Bayley has been learning to run on blades. We have watched this young woman persevere through practices in the pouring rain and cold. These new blades have caused bruises and pain to her small frame, but step by step she has learned to use them to her advantage.

Every Track meet we have watched her improve. She often beat out other girls who ran on two legs next to her. To watch her run is to be inspired. And that’s exactly how I felt sitting in the stands of a premiere stadium in California. I’ve been coaching for twenty years and have never seen anything like it.

{Read the full story about Bayley and her amazing sister Bethany in my Glorygram this week of how two ambulatory athletes inspire perseverance: https://substack.com/dorinaglorygram}

#trackandfield #trackfam #paradivision #trackandfieldcoach #perseverance #christianrunners #glorychasers @_bethanywong_

View

May 29

Open
This weekend I had the thrill of a lifetime watching two of our track athletes snag first place in the para ambulatory division of the California State Track & Field Championships. 
As we were waiting for the 400-meter race, Bailey’s mama showed me a picture of her when they picked her up from the orphanage in China. She came from a hard place, but her beautiful, dark eyes shone with light - a glimpse of her hopeful future.
Bayley was born without legs. This Track season Bayley has been learning to run on blades. We have watched this young woman persevere through practices in the pouring rain and cold. These new blades have caused bruises and pain to her small frame, but step by step she has learned to use them to her advantage.
Every Track meet we have watched her improve. She often beat out other girls who ran on two legs next to her. To watch her run is to be inspired. And that’s exactly how I felt sitting in the stands of a premiere stadium in California. I’ve been coaching for twenty years and have never seen anything like it. 
{Read the full story about Bayley and her amazing sister Bethany in my Glorygram this week of how two ambulatory athletes inspire perseverance: https://substack.com/dorinaglorygram}
#trackandfield #trackfam #paradivision #trackandfieldcoach #perseverance #christianrunners #glorychasers @_bethanywong_
76 13

👩🏻‍🎓 It’s graduation week! Thursday night we supported some of our favorite seniors and athletes at Fresno Christian Schools. 👩🏽‍🎓 👨‍🎓

We also got to hear one of our former Track athletes @michellewark share a beautiful keynote speech at the high school graduation. She shared her experience training for the 300 meter hurdles with Ericlee and me 19 years ago. She went on to compete in college and made the NAIA championships. I loved how she connected her training for hurdles to training for life’s hurdles! (If you’ve read my Walk Run Soar book, you know this is one of my favorite spiritual metaphors!)

A special shout out to @josiahford57 who also graduated this week from high school. What a joy to celebrate his accomplishments in running and academics. We have watched this young man mature and grow over 18 years!

View

May 28

Open
👩🏻‍🎓 It’s graduation week! Thursday night we supported some of our favorite seniors and athletes at Fresno Christian Schools. 👩🏽‍🎓 👨‍🎓 
We also got to hear one of our former Track athletes @michellewark share a beautiful keynote speech at the high school graduation. She shared her experience training for the 300 meter hurdles with Ericlee and me 19 years ago. She went on to compete in college and made the NAIA championships. I loved how she connected her training for hurdles to training for life’s hurdles! (If you’ve read my Walk Run Soar book, you know this is one of my favorite spiritual metaphors!)
A special shout out to @josiahford57 who also graduated this week from high school. What a joy to celebrate his accomplishments in running and academics. We have watched this young man mature and grow over 18 years!
79 3

Biblical mercy is reaching out to meet a need without considering the merit of the person who receives aid. In other words, mercy is about the need, not an individual earning something. The concept of mercy includes grace, compassion, love, kindness, hospitality, favor, and forgiveness all wrapped up into one.

In my new Bible study, Create in Me a Heart of Mercy, we delve deeper into the concept of mercy - how God offers us mercy, and how we can multiply mercy to others. Hop over to www.incourage.me/heartofmercy and sign up for a sample chapter of the study.

We are launching an online version of the study with @incourage starting June 19 if you`re looking for a summer study for yourself or a small group. This includes fun freebies, like a music playlist, lockscreens with our memory verses, and meaningful teaching videos I`ve recorded!

#biblestudy #biblestudy #biblestudytime #biblestudytips #biblestudytools #biblestudynotes #biblestudygroup #biblestudywithme #biblestudymethods #mercy #HeartOfMercy

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May 27

Open
Biblical mercy is reaching out to meet a need without considering the merit of the person who receives aid. In other words, mercy is about the need, not an individual earning something. The concept of mercy includes grace, compassion, love, kindness, hospitality, favor, and forgiveness all wrapped up into one.
In my new Bible study, Create in Me a Heart of Mercy, we delve deeper into the concept of mercy - how God offers us mercy, and how we can multiply mercy to others. Hop over to www.incourage.me/heartofmercy and sign up for a sample chapter of the study. 
We are launching an online version of the study with @incourage starting June 19 if you're looking for a summer study for yourself or a small group. This includes fun freebies, like a music playlist, lockscreens with our memory verses, and meaningful teaching videos I've recorded!
 #biblestudy #biblestudy #biblestudytime #biblestudytips #biblestudytools #biblestudynotes #biblestudygroup #biblestudywithme #biblestudymethods #mercy #HeartOfMercy
37 4

Join me for a stroll through Psalm 127, which is truly an invitation to rest. I’m sharing today about the sabbatical I’m taking in July and how God led me to embrace restorative rest!

“If God doesn’t build the house, the builders only build shacks. If God doesn’t guard the city, the night watchman might as well nap. It’s useless to rise early and go to bed late, and work your worried fingers to the bone. Don’t you know he enjoys giving rest to those he loves?”
‭‭-Psalm‬ ‭127‬:‭1‬-‭2‬

🫶🏾What are some ways you truly rest your soul?

#rest #devotional #biblestudy

View

May 26

Open
Join me for a stroll through Psalm 127, which is truly an invitation to rest. I’m sharing today about the sabbatical I’m taking in July and how God led me to embrace restorative rest! 
“If God doesn’t build the house, the builders only build shacks. If God doesn’t guard the city, the night watchman might as well nap. It’s useless to rise early and go to bed late, and work your worried fingers to the bone. Don’t you know he enjoys giving rest to those he loves?”
‭‭-Psalm‬ ‭127‬:‭1‬-‭2‬
🫶🏾What are some ways you truly rest your soul?
#rest #devotional #biblestudy
21 4
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