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Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

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Grief Journey: Embracing Your Child’s Individuality

As a mama of three girls ages 7, 10 and 12, there’s a lot I’m still learning. In fact, every day is a wild journey of discovery about my girls and myself. One thing I do know for sure: we are all different.

That may sound obvious but it’s a big deal. It’s something I have to constantly remind myself as I navigate the waters of parenting. Each one of my girls is a masterpiece – uniquely wired and created by God.

It’s tempting to get caught up into what other people think about our kids – how they should look or behave or think or act. I have been that mom. It’s been a journey for me to learn how to celebrate each one of my girls and embrace their individuality.

I know that my oldest, Meilani, feels wholly alive when she has a book in hand. She loves all things related to the ocean. She’s also a planner. She loves to know what’s on the agenda for the week. She loves to set up her room for friends to come over and have every stuffed animal, every Lego creation in its place. I also know that my sweet girl sucks her bottom lip when she’s nervous or thinking hard.

My middle daughter, Giada, is a snuggler. She thrives on hugs and cuzzling before bed. She’s a whiz at math and loves to be active. She loves gymnastics and running. She is adept at making new friends and a leader among her peers. She’s the girl you want with you on a long trip to a new place because she can win over any stranger.

My youngest, Zayla, oozes joy and passion. She spends more time standing on her head than she does sitting right side up. She is talented singer and loves to freestyle songs and dances. She scrunches up her nose when she smiles and erupts with contagious giggles. She is independent and strong.

My girls are full of joy, but they have also tasted deep pain. They watched their daddy as he was diagnosed with cancer. They stood by his bedside when his body was failing. They were with me at the grave when we celebrated his life. We anticipate seeing Daddy again in heaven one day and gaining a greater understanding for the heartache we endure.

As a family, we are learning how to grieve both individually and collectively. Recognizing that each of my daughters is unique proves important now more than ever.

My oldest doesn’t like to cry in front of people while my middle little needs someone to hold her close when those tears come. When my 6-year-old misses her daddy, she sings. They are all comforted by pictures on my phone and videos with his voice.

They each have their own unique grief journey. It’s different from mine and other kids who have experienced something similar. These are all things I’m learning.

According to the book Resilient Grieving by Dr. Lucy Hone, “the reliable presence of at least one supportive relationship” has the power to help a child do well in the face of adversity. She goes on to say that “very few individuals who have managed to demonstrate resilience in the face of trauma have done so alone.”

I believe our job as mamas is to lean in close, to listen to what our kids are telling us with words and body language, to get to know what pushes their buttons, and what makes their hearts beat.

A large part of our job is also to embrace their individuality and teach them to be themselves, bravely, in light of that.

My goal is to create a safe space for my children to grieve and celebrate life in their own ways. And we as mamas need to cover ourselves in grace in the process.

 

**I’ve developed a FREE resource with “Tips for Navigating Grief with Kids.” I’m passionate about sharing my personal experiences and walking alongside readers on their grief journeys. Opt in here, and I’ll deliver it straight to your inbox!

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February 19, 2019 Categories: Navigating GriefTagged: brave, courage, Grief, individuality, struggle, transitions

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Jane Foard Thompson says

    October 20, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    Wonderful insights, Dorina, told by a gifted writer from a tender mother heart.

    Reply
  2. Jane Foard Thompson says

    October 20, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    Wonderful insights, Dorina, told by a gifted writer from a tender mother heart.

    Reply

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  1. How to Talk to Your Kids About Death says:
    January 15, 2018 at 7:30 pm

    […] want to first acknowledge that every grief journey is unique. It’s important to be attentive to individual needs and personalities. Everything I have learned has come through trial and error with my three daughters who were ages […]

    Reply

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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This summer our Giada is trying something new. She joined the Fresno Flyers Track Club. This means a little more competition for our girl and more ...

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This summer our Giada is trying something new. She joined the Fresno Flyers Track Club. This means a little more competition for our girl and more travel for our family.
This weekend we watched our girl compete in the West Coast Nationals in Reno, NV. She snagged: 
👉🏾3rd in her heat in the 100 and 200 meters with 11th overall in both
👉🏾2nd place in her heat for 7th overall in the 400 meters, which got her a medal and a 2.75-second personal record! 🥈 
🏃🏾‍♀️If you’ve been around here for a minute, you know @shawnyoungruns and I are running coaches and enthusiasts. Truth be told, we’d be proud of her no matter what place she got. It’s a true joy to see our child run for His glory! 🏃🏾‍♀️I know her daddy is smiling from heaven! 
🥳 Is there something your kids do that brings you joy?! Share in the comments. 
#trackfam #trackandfield #trackgirls #glorychasers #walkrunsoar
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Hey friend, I’m ba-ack! This week we are Walking Through His Word together in Psalm 91. If you are feeling weary or facing some challenges this ...

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Hey friend, I’m ba-ack! This week we are Walking Through His Word together in Psalm 91. If you are feeling weary or facing some challenges this week, these words were penned for you.
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The psalmist reminds us that God is our:
1️⃣refuge
2️⃣shelter
3️⃣fortress
4️⃣deliverer
5️⃣covering
6️⃣rescuer
Sometimes we feel like we have to do all the things when really we are called to trust God to be all the things for us!
“When he calls me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble. I will rescue him and honor him.” - Psalm 91:15
👉🏾How does psalm 91 encourage you today?! Share in the comments. 
#biblestudy #psalms #devotional #womenoftheword #bibleverse
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“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” - Psalm 90:12
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Todays psalm takes us all the way back to the time ...

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“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” - Psalm 90:12
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Todays psalm takes us all the way back to the time when the Israelites were about to cross the Jordan River into the Promised Land. This psalm from the pen of Moses reminds us that life is short. None of us is promised tomorrow.
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Friends, this psalm serves as a pertinent reminder that today is the day to return to God, to rejoice = return to joy, to ask Him to establish the work of our hands (instead of trying to pull it all together by ourselves!)
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👉🏾How does Psalm 91 encourage your heart?
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#devotional #psalm #womenoftheword #bibkestudy #incourage #hopewriters #christianwomenspeaker
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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we live in fractured times. The pandemic forced us to distance ourselves and isolate. Politics and hot ...

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we live in fractured times. The pandemic forced us to distance ourselves and isolate. Politics and hot button issues have created a wide divide. Church hurt has caused us to withdraw and question. We’ve lost our value for doing life together.
I believe we are going to have to reimagine community in order to survive this next season. We are going to have to prune and cultivate, to bear each other’s burdens around the table and tend to each other’s wounds in the garden. We need to support each other and root ourselves anew in rich soul.
The word flourish means “to thrive, to grow luxuriantly, to grow in excellence and influence.” I don’t know about you, but I long to flourish in this one life I have to live. And even more I would love to be planted in a garden of people flourishing all around me. God designed us to flourish together!
🌺Is there someone you have been disconnected with for a while that you could reach out to today? Is there a friend or a neighbor you could invite over for tea or a meal? Let’s lean in to bloom where we’re planted in community. 🪴☕️ 
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👉🏾SAVE or SHARE this post if you found it valuable!
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#chaisisters #flourishingtogether #community #communitylife #jesusgirl #hopewriters #bloomwhereyouareplanted #womemoftheword #bettertogether #incourage
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Today we are marching through Psalm 89. This one is dense with reminders that God is awesome, faithful, and brimming with steadfast love for us!
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Today we are marching through Psalm 89. This one is dense with reminders that God is awesome, faithful, and brimming with steadfast love for us!
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I love the call and response and the honest questions that Hubble to the surface in this psalm. The people are struggling. They are wondering when God is going to show up to rescue them.
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This psalm invites us to 3 things:
1️⃣sing
2️⃣question
3️⃣trust
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👉🏾What resonates with you today?
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#prayer #psalms #devotional #womenoffaith #propelwomen #hopewriters #incourage #david
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