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Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

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Book Review: And Still She Laughs

I remember the weekend after my husband died I took my girls to a concert. It was just the healing balm we needed. The music washed over me and somehow helped me breathe. My girls jumped and danced with their friends. Laughter rang out in the aisles.

After the concert, we saw a friend who used to attend our church. She rushed down the row and burst into tears in my arms. “I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.

For the first time, I realized this grief journey was going to be hard and awkward. I would have my private grief, and I would have my public grief. And I would have to learn to navigate both.

I was not feeling sad at that exact moment. God met me during the concert and my spirits were lifted. Even though I was the newly-minted widow, I was not in the moment of sorrow. I had no tears to share with that friend.

I wondered who else I knew was at the concert that night. Did they see me singing and raising my hands? Did they see the girls and me laughing? Were we grieving right in public? Were we dishonoring my husband?”

These questions raced through my mind, but as the weeks unfolded I realized I had to quiet the temptation to please others in my grief. I had to step into the messy and awkward moments, and allow my community to grieve with me and apart from me too.

I had to let myself dive into the deep of being without my life partner, my beloved. I also had to give myself permission to laugh again. And, that I discovered, takes courage.

Kate Merrick’s book, And Still She Laughs, examines the Bible’s gritty stories of resilient women as well as her own experience losing a child to reveal surprising joy and deep hope even in the midst of heartache. The book was released in March but I happened upon it at just the right time smack in the middle of this summer. I took the book to the ocean and drank up the words with the crashing of the waves as my backdrop.

Kate’s a Southern California girl from a surfer family and she weaves her love affair with the ocean into her story of grief and glory. Sometimes a book can be healing. Sometimes a book read in a specific season in a specific place can be even more healing.

Kate writes,“This book is not intended to take the place of grieving; rather, it speaks to what to do when the tidal wave washes past, when the sizzle from the burn settles, when we finally look around and wonder what’s next.  When we wonder if it is actually possible to come out of the paralysis of darkness and find laughter again.”

Needless to say, I was hooked.

If you are walking through grief of any kind, or if you love beautiful, candid storytelling, this book will minister to your soul. Kate also helped me see some of my favorite Bible characters through new lenses and with new compassion.

What I appreciate most is Kate’s honesty. She doesn’t sugarcoat the pain. She doesn’t offer up pat answers or trite, happy thoughts for navigating grief. She’s frank, funny and real. She’s not afraid to talk about the day of her miscarriage or the time a dog peed on her at the beach or how she and her daughter pranked the nurses during her daughter’s cancer treatment.

Kate makes me laugh. And she is convinced laughter is the key to survival. Laughter “can be healing, literally,” she writes. “It can inject an impossibly terrible situation with a whoosh of fresh air. Sharing laughter fosters a bond between humans. In its purest form it brings life.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Kate’s book opens with this: “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future” from Proverbs 31:25.

My prayer is that you and I can live and laugh like that too.

 

**If you’re a reader and you love to talk books, check out more of my book reviews here.

***I’d love to send you my Glorygram – a weekly word of encouragement with book, podcast and recipe recommendations. Opt in here.

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August 25, 2017 Categories: Book Reviews, Navigating GriefTagged: brave, family life, fear, Grief, hope, laughter, struggle

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Janette says

    August 25, 2017 at 6:09 pm

    I love your honest thoughts at the beginning about how to “grieve right” in public. Ultimately, it looks like giving everyone grace because we need to grieve in different ways. I love the author’s permission to laugh in the midst of healing. I’m so thankful for the Holy Spirit who is our comforter and guides our hearts through the process.

    Reply
  2. Susan Arico says

    May 27, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    Great review! It’s especially powerful for me to read because I thought of you (and those whom I know, like you suffered terrible grief) as I read the book. Since I have not suffered grief like this.
    I thought it would resonate, and am glad to know that it did.
    Thanks for your candour and honesty here.

    Reply
    • Dorina Gilmore says

      May 27, 2018 at 10:01 pm

      It was hard to read, but so affirming to read too!

      Reply

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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Woke up at the crack of dawn to go on a photography adventure with my middle girl. The Clovis Fest Hot Air Balloon Show did not disappoint! 🎈Hope floats.

🫶🏾Hop over to @thefeatheronline to see Giada’s first photo post for the student newspaper!

@old_town_clovis #clovis #hotairballoonfestival @clovischamber

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Sep 24

Open
Woke up at the crack of dawn to go on a photography adventure with my middle girl. The Clovis Fest Hot Air Balloon Show did not disappoint! 🎈Hope floats.
🫶🏾Hop over to @thefeatheronline to see Giada’s first photo post for the student newspaper!
@old_town_clovis #clovis #hotairballoonfestival @clovischamber
78 4

📣Today we celebrated the launch of our new web site with the @thefeatheronline newspaper staff! I’m so proud of these students! What a joy to step into a new role this year as a writing coach and to partner with @korijamesphoto to equip these young journalists!

My @meilanigilmore is the new Arts & Entertainment Editor and Giada joined the photojournalist staff! Also, good celebration always involves good eats! Hop over to www.TheFeather.com or download our app through Student News Source and check out their work! 🎉 #studentjournalism @fresnochristianschools

View

Sep 23

Open
📣Today we celebrated the launch of our new web site with the @thefeatheronline newspaper staff! I’m so proud of these students! What a joy to step into a new role this year as a writing coach and to partner with @korijamesphoto to equip these young journalists! 
My @meilanigilmore is the new Arts & Entertainment Editor and Giada joined the photojournalist staff! Also, good celebration always involves good eats! Hop over to www.TheFeather.com or download our app through Student News Source and check out their work! 🎉 #studentjournalism @fresnochristianschools
29 0

Join me as I walk through Psalm 140 today! This psalm comes from the pen of David, who is crying out for deliverance. He appeals to God who is full of mercy and justice.❤️‍🩹

🫶🏾Friend, do you need someone to guard you today? Are you feeling hunted, tempted, discouraged? Drop an emoji below so I can pray for you. And go read Psalm 140!

📝Hop over to DorinaGilmore.com to sign up for my Glorygram and enter for a copy of Pilgrim by Ruth Chou Simons.

#devotional #prayer #biblestudy #psalm #david #deliverer

View

Sep 22

Open
Join me as I walk through Psalm 140 today! This psalm comes from the pen of David, who is crying out for deliverance. He appeals to God who is full of mercy and justice.❤️‍🩹
🫶🏾Friend, do you need someone to guard you today? Are you feeling hunted, tempted, discouraged? Drop an emoji below so I can pray for you. And go read Psalm 140! 
📝Hop over to DorinaGilmore.com to sign up for my Glorygram and enter for a copy of Pilgrim by Ruth Chou Simons. 
#devotional #prayer #biblestudy #psalm #david #deliverer
23 3

My heart is full after a week of teaching, preaching, and listening to the stories of the beautiful women of my church. We are going through a study called Foundations written by our pastor @bell_brad

I got to teach on this week’s theme, “Sharing Your Story,” and illuminated the powerful testimonies of three women in the Bible who met Jesus, were transformed by His love, and then were sent out to share their stories.

In our small group time, women were invited to share their 3-minute stories around the tables. There were lots of tears, but also laughter and breakthroughs.

✍🏾Did you know God designed our bodies so that physiological healing happens in sharing our stories? Trauma can get dislodged from places it might be stuck in our brains and new pathways are formed.

🎤 You can listen to my message here: https://thewellcommunity.org/podcasts/womens-bible-study/foundations-week

#sharingstories #womensupportingwomen #ladypreacher #biblestudy #womensbiblestudy #samaritanwoman #bleedingwoman #marymagdalene #sisterhood #brainscience @wellchurch @melissadanisi

View

Sep 22

Open
My heart is full after a week of teaching, preaching, and listening to the stories of the beautiful women of my church. We are going through a study called Foundations written by our pastor @bell_brad 
I got to teach on this week’s theme, “Sharing Your Story,” and illuminated the powerful testimonies of three women in the Bible who met Jesus, were transformed by His love, and then were sent out to share their stories. 
In our small group time, women were invited to share their 3-minute stories around the tables. There were lots of tears, but also laughter and breakthroughs.
✍🏾Did you know God designed our bodies so that physiological healing happens in sharing our stories? Trauma can get dislodged from places it might be stuck in our brains and new pathways are formed. 
🎤 You can listen to my message here: https://thewellcommunity.org/podcasts/womens-bible-study/foundations-week
#sharingstories #womensupportingwomen #ladypreacher #biblestudy #womensbiblestudy #samaritanwoman #bleedingwoman #marymagdalene #sisterhood #brainscience @wellchurch @melissadanisi
86 4

I’ve created this compassionate resource for your personal journey with grief. This book was 8 years in the making and offers a comforting, giftable resource for those who are processing their own loss, whether of a loved one, a season of life, or a dream. Breathing Through Grief includes 25 short devotionals that each focus on a different aspect of grief from my personal experience.

The journal also includes special resources such as:
•
breathing exercises
•
reflection questions
•
soul care tips
•
ample writing space
•
advice on how to talk to children about death
•
suggestions on how to approach triggers
•
creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory

If you or someone close to you is walking through loss⁠, let the comforting words in Breathing Through Grief encourage you with the knowledge that you are not alone and bring you a semblance of peace as you continue forward on the road to healing.

The book releases Nov. 14. You can pre-order today. For more information, visit www.waterbrookmultnomah.com.

View

Sep 21

Open
I’ve created this compassionate resource for your personal journey with grief. This book was 8 years in the making and offers a comforting, giftable resource for those who are processing their own loss, whether of a loved one, a season of life, or a dream. Breathing Through Grief includes 25 short devotionals that each focus on a different aspect of grief from my personal experience.
The journal also includes special resources such as:
•
breathing exercises
•
reflection questions
•
soul care tips
•
ample writing space
•
advice on how to talk to children about death
•
suggestions on how to approach triggers
•
creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory
If you or someone close to you is walking through loss⁠, let the comforting words in Breathing Through Grief encourage you with the knowledge that you are not alone and bring you a semblance of peace as you continue forward on the road to healing.
The book releases Nov. 14. You can pre-order today. For more information, visit www.waterbrookmultnomah.com.
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