Dorina Gilmore

Oct 15

Pivoting Away from Jealousy Toward Abundance

Posted by Dorina Gilmore | abundance, community, compassion, flourishing, friendship, gifts, grief, Incourage essays, Stories, struggle, Uncategorized | No Comments

When I was a newly-minted widow, I started to struggle with envy. In those early days of grief, it was excruciatingly hard for me to see all the summer vacation photos with daddies playing with their kids, the wedding anniversary celebrations, and the perfectly-crafted family Christmas pictures. Feelings rose up inside me that I never faced before. My heart was pricked with surprising envy and jealousy because I desperately missed my man, and I was trying to parent my three daughters alone.

We often use the words jealousy and envy interchangeably, but there are some important nuances. Jealousy is motivated by the fear of losing something or someone, like a friend. Envy is aroused by wanting someone else’s possession, qualities, talents, etc.

We live in a culture that sets us all up for constant comparison. I believe comparison is a tool Satan uses to divide us, discourage us, and push us into isolation instead of flourishing together in community. Just think about all the Bible stories that deal with jealousy and envy. Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Rachel and Leah – even the disciples had to work through the jealousy and envy among them.

I have watched friendships grow toxic, neighbors keep to themselves, and marriages grow bitter because of envy and jealousy. As a mama of three daughters, I’m realizing it’s important to process these feelings regularly. I need to model for my girls how to combat envy that creeps up on us even in the smallest ways. We need to call out jealousy and encourage each other to turn away from it.

The Bible challenges us to be on guard against these thoughts. Peter paints a powerful picture in his first letter, encouraging all of us to “clean house” and get rid of anything in our hearts that might be divisive or distracting:

So clean house! Make a clean sweep of malice and pretense, envy and hurtful talk. You’ve had a taste of God. Now, like infants at the breast, drink deep of God’s pure kindness. Then you’ll grow up mature and whole in God.

1 Peter 2:1-3 (MSG)

He exhorts believers to live in a way that they might win over their non-believing neighbors – not with legalism or righteous attitudes, but with gospel-centered humility and love.

Social media is one area where envy and jealousy are often stirred up. We may see a post of two good friends getting together without us and feel that twinge of jealousy. Or, we see someone share about an exotic vacation, a success in their business, or a gorgeous family photo, and we feel envious, wishing we had what they have.

The core dilemma is: What do we do with those feelings?

Here are a few things I’m working on:

Bounce jealous or envious thoughts. In other words, if I look at someone or see something that makes me jealous or envious, I bounce that thought out of my mind, and do not let myself dwell on it. I turn away from the scarcity mindset that tells me there’s not enough to go around.

Rejoice with that other person. I might send a quick word of encouragement, share a compliment, or simply whisper a word out loud to myself rejoicing with that person for the gift they’ve been given.

Pivot toward something edifying. If I notice I have consistent feelings of jealousy or envy showing up, I intentionally unfollow people, or even turn off social media and spend time in God’s Word. I may reach out to intentionally connect with my family or with another friend who inspires and challenges me. It’s healthy to take a break and refocus.

Offer up gratitude. In that first year after my husband’s death, I challenged myself to share gratitude on social media. I wrote out the gifts God gave me each day and posted them on Facebook. I thanked Him publicly for the swirling colors of the sunset, the sink full of dirty dishes, for my 2-year-old’s contagious giggles, and the breath in my lungs.

That simple practice shifted something deep inside me. I no longer focused on my pain and discontentment. God lifted my head to see Him at work even in my season of grief. Little did I know that modeling that practice was affecting others too. Through the years, many have shared stories with me about how reading through my gift list during that season inspired them to write their own gratitude list.

Sometimes I hesitate to post pictures of our family or with my new husband Shawn. I’m especially sensitive to what my widow-mama friends might see or how a friend prone to jealousy might receive it. However, I’ve realized that it’s not fruitful to constantly be second-guessing myself. Managing others jealousy is not my job. Instead, I ask myself a simple question: “Is this post pointing people back to God’s glory?”

Friend, do you struggle with jealousy and envy? Do you find discontentment coloring your outlook or relationships? Let’s stop living with a scarcity mindset and instead bask in the abundance only God can provide.

Pray this simple prayer with me today.

Dear Jesus,

I confess I’m letting jealousy and envy take over too many of my thoughts.

Help me to surrender these feelings back to you.

When I feel insecure, help remind me who I am in your eyes.

Show me opportunities to collaborate and build others up.

Amen.

*This post was originally published at www.incourage.me.

**I have written a Bible study called Flourishing Together: Cultivating a Fruitful Life in Christ about learning to flourish by God’s design in community. I loves speaking on this topic for women’s events.

Sep 29

6 Ways to Find God’s Peace Difficult Circumstances

Posted by Dorina Gilmore | courage, death, fear, flourishing, grief, hope, inspirational, rest, Stories, struggle, Uncategorized | No Comments

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved the hymn “It Is Well.” There was something about those lyrics that brought a sense of peace whenever I sang them: “When peace like a river, attendeth my way… It is well, it is well, with my soul.”

Horatio G. Spafford, the man who penned that hymn, experienced profound tragedy with the death of his son to sickness, the loss of most of his real estate investments in the Great Chicago Fire, and then later the news that all four of his daughters had perished at sea in a ship wreck.

How did Horatio find peace in the face of so much tragedy?

He was rooted in his faith and he understood peace in his soul.

I only began to understand this in the midst of my own tragedy in 2014 when my husband was diagnosed with stage four cancer at age 40. Though we were often gripped with fear and uncertainty, God continued to give us surprising peace in the midst of our storm.

Peace is certainly not a formula or a 5-step process, but here are some specific ways we found peace in our situation:

Start by defining peace.

We often think of the word peace as the absence of fighting and chaos. Jesus gave peace as a gift to us in the midst of turbulent situations. His definition of peace was different from world peace. He cared most deeply about peace in our hearts.

Jesus says, “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Don’t let your heart be troubled or fearful.” John 14:27 CSB

In this chapter, Jesus was talking about the gift of the Holy Spirit. He explained that He would be going away to heaven, but he was leaving the Holy Spirit to personally guide and give us peace.

Separate lies from the truth.

When we are facing trials, we often let our minds wander to the worst-case scenario. We entertain our fears and let them rule our hearts. The Psalmist warns us:

Turn away from evil and do what is good; seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 34:14 CSB

We actually have to pivot from the lies of the enemy and bask in God’s truth. We have to intentionally seek peace by separating lies from the truth. For example, when my husband was diagnosed with cancer, I was fraught with fear. I feared being alone and raising my girls without my partner. Yet, all throughout scripture God promises to be with me and to never leave me alone. I had to cling to that truth and turn away from my fears.

Surrender control to the One who controls it all.

Oftentimes we do not feel peace because we are trying too hard to control a situation. I learned this in my husband’s cancer journey. I believed if we chose just the right treatment it would save him. The reality is we are never in control. The peace only came when I was able to surrender control to God and trust Him for the outcome.

This verse reminds me that God’s peace surpasses understanding and control of all the details:

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 CSB

Meditate on scripture to encourage your heart.

One practical way I learned to find peace is by writing out and reciting scripture. A mentor of mine encouraged me years ago to develop a scripture notebook. In each season, I write out verses that encourage and bring me hope.

When I focus my mind on the truth in scripture, I do not have space for stress and worry. This proved helpful in doctor appointments and during the hardest days of my husband’s cancer journey.

Listen to worship music.

Music is another way to fix our minds on God’s truth and to calm our fears. I love the story in 1 Samuel 16 when David played the lyre for Saul who was being attacked by a harmful spirit. The music calmed and refreshed him.

I like to create worship playlists on Spotify to help me through different seasons. When the chaos is swirling or I am fraught with worry, music helps me fix my mind on the truth and calms my soul like Saul. It’s difficult to worry and worship at the same time.

Discover His glory through Creation.

God frequently brings me peace through nature. The petals of a perennial freesia pushing through hard earth, ocean waves crashing, a pine tree pointing toward the heavens – all of these remind me that God is in control and He is in the business of bringing beauty from ashes.

My daughters are used to me pulling over to the side of the road whenever God starts painting the sky at sunset. There is something about this spectacular color show that brings me a profound sense of comfort and peace.

Friend, remember you are not alone. We all face unexpected trials. God promises to offer peace and comfort if we continually seek Him.

Write out the following scripture and pray for peace in your present situation:

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 ESV

{The original version of this article was published at www.Dayspring.com.}

Sep 03

Running for His glory: When showing up for your race matters

Posted by Dorina Gilmore | courage, finishing well, grief, hope, identity, inspirational, parenting, self-care, Stories, struggle, Uncategorized | No Comments

The following is the closing article to my summer series, “Running for His glory,” on the intersection of running and faith. This particular essay was originally published at www.incourage.me. I am so grateful for the diversity of voices and guests who have joined me in writing for this series. Leave a comment if something in this essay or the series was a help or inspiration to you!

By Dorina Lazo Gilmore

The announcer for the Miguel Reyes 5k race introduced the elite athletes. I watched in awe as the elite group lined up first. Each man and woman were unique – some tall, some shorter, some with shaved heads, some with long hair, but all with that similar lean frame and chiseled muscles. The rest of us fell into place behind them.

The whistle sounded, and we took off. This 5k course winds through the undulating dirt hills and green spaces of Woodward Park in Fresno, California. This is the same course that high schoolers run for the State Cross Country Meet. As a coach and runner, I’ve traversed this course for many races, but I still felt out of place that morning.

I didn’t have much get-up-and-go to tackle those hills or sprint it out at the finish. I slogged along and battled with my thoughts: You’re not in shape for this. You are getting too old. You’re carrying too much weight these days.

I’ve been a runner most of my life. I ran my first 5k when I was eight with my daddy in our Chicago neighborhood. In high school, I was a track and field athlete. I took up distance running and trail running as an adult, completing dozens of races over the last few decades.

These last several years, I’ve had the huge realization that my running glory days are probably over. I’m not standing on podiums or hitting personal records much anymore. My pace is getting slower the older I get.

My forty-two-year-old body has birthed three baby girls and navigated a tough grief journey these past five years since my husband soared to heaven. I’m mushier around the middle. I look in the mirror and see these laugh lines dancing around the corners of my eyes.

My goals and focus have shifted. Now, I run to clear my head. I run for therapy. I run to feel God’s presence.

A few weeks ago, I found my first gray hair. That wild thing sprung out from the side of my temple with much gusto as if to announce a new season. I plucked it and laughed. I raised it up in the car like a trophy for everyone to see and joked that my three active daughters might be responsible.

Perhaps you might say I’ve arrived. I’ve reached what we call this middle season of life. My friend, Lisa-Jo Baker, describes this so well in her new book, The Middle Matters: “The middle is the place where we have grown into the shapes of our souls even as we might have outgrown the shapes of our jeans. The middle is the marrow. The glorious ordinary of your life that utterly exhausts you but that you might have finally started to understand in ways you didn’t at the beginning.”

That day in the 5k race, God reminded me of something important: Showing up matters. My goals may shift and my pace may wane, but I’m still running. My race isn’t over until it’s over. Being older and slower doesn’t discount me from the race. In fact, maybe this is just the beginning. Maybe He’s leading me down a new path to a new purpose in this season.

When I was in my twenties nursing babies and running a non-profit, I dreamed of days like today when I could send my kids off to school and spend my time writing. I whispered little seed prayers to God about book ideas and creative projects. Now I have the space to cultivate and grow these seeds.

Today, I’m clinging to these words from the Apostle Paul:

So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.
2 Corinthians 4:16 (MSG)

A few years ago, a younger mama came up to me and asked if I would mentor her. I paused at first because I didn’t feel “old enough” to be a mentor. What wisdom did I have to offer? The more we chatted, the more I realized what she really wanted was someone to run alongside her in this race called life.

Now, we set our eyes on the finish line together. Some days we run; other days we kneel. Finishing well and leading our people to God’s glory is the goal.

Friend, whether you are still raising babies or launching them out into the world, whether you are hoisting your broken body out of bed or speed walking on a nearby trail, it still matters. Someone is watching you run your race, and you moving forward today could make all the difference.

After the Miguel Reyes 5k race, I savored tacos, agua de jamaica, and paletas with my daughters. I was sweaty and out of breath, stretching there on our red picnic blanket near the finish line. My seven-year-old looked up at me with her dark chocolate eyes and said, “Good job, mama!”

Another unexpected reminder that showing up still matters: we are teaching our baby birds how to fly.

Photo by Jon Marley

*Are you a runner or enthusiastic walker? Dorina and her husband Shawn recently started the Glory Chasers running group on Facebook. They offer up courage, coaching, and community for Christian runners. If you’re a runner or know one, join us!

Read more articles in the “Running for His glory” series:

-In “When God brings you full circle,” Dorina describes how sometimes we have to return to particular places, relationships or memories in order to measure just how far we’ve come. She learned this on a trail race she ran a few times in different seasons of life.

-In “How running found me,” Danielle E. Morgan shares her story about how running found her as a young adult and has shaped her health, her mothering, and who she is in Christ today.

-In “Battling negative self-talk,” Kristy Wallace runs us through how she reframes her internal dialogue using scripture. She runs and meditates on specific passages throughout the week.

-In “How running provided healing during mental illness,” Abigail Alleman shares her personal story of how running provided an avenue for her to continue healing during dark seasons.

-In “Discovering running as soul care,” Erin Reibel talks about how she grew into loving running as a busy mama. She consider it an important soul care practice.

-In “How I started running for all the wrong reasons,” Gloryanna Boge shares about how she started out running for all the wrong reasons, but God redeemed it for her.

-In “Run the hill,” Mark W. Jackson unfolds how running hills has helped him learn perseverance through life’s trials.

-In “Finding God’s sanctuary on the trail,” Allison Tucker shares about how God meets her on the trail. I love that she is a grandma who still ventures out into God’s sanctuary in Creation!

-In “Learning to breathe at higher altitudes,” Dorina Gilmore talks about how God breathes life into us, and we live on borrowed breaths as we run life’s path today.

-In “How one mother trusts God’s timing,” Lindsey Zarob shares about how pregnancies took a toll on her body. She had to press the pause button on running for a season, but God brought it back around for her in a new place and new way.

– In “When you feel like running away,” Shannon Rattai writes about how running has become a kind of therapy for her where she can release her burdens and anxiety to God.

-In “4 ways a half marathon transformed my prayer life,” Heather Lobe shares her personal story and gives some practical ideas on how we can incorporate prayer and scripture in our runs as well.

**Dorina Gilmore has also written a Bible study called Glory Chasers: Discovering God’s Glory in Unexpected Places with a running theme. Peruse a full-color sample from the Bible study here.

Aug 28

Running for His glory: 4 ways a half marathon transformed my prayer life

Posted by Dorina Gilmore | death, Guest blogger, prayer, running, Stories, Uncategorized | No Comments

This essay is part of our summer series called “Running for His glory,” focusing on the intersection between running and faith. Heather is a new friend I met through the Hopewriters online writing community. Heather shares how running has transformed her prayer life and gives some practical ideas on how we can incorporate prayer and scripture in our runs as well.

By Heather Lobe

I laced up my sneakers and packed all of the essentials for my longest training run yet – 11 miles. Breathing in deep through my nose, I pushed off against the greenway path and steadied my pace. Mile by mile, I prayed for the individuals whose names were in my pocket on a 3×5 note card.

With the rhythm of my feet on the pavement, and the sound of the rushing water with the river next to me, I entered into a time of communion with God. The rest of my week was packed full and overflowing, loud and chaotic, but in those long runs it was just the Lord and me. This was a chance to clear my mind and embrace the beauty of the open sky above.

When my lungs or legs grew tired, I flipped my index card over to remind myself of that day’s meditation. For that run, I prayed through Isaiah 40:30-31:

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

I wasn’t always a runner. In fact, there are distinct memories burned into my mind of timed tests during physical education classes in school. We were supposed to run laps on the track, and I just remember feeling so bored from the repetition of the flat red track. I had trouble running a full lap without stopping, so I often just used my long legs to power-walk as fast as I could around the track. Whenever I passed the gym teacher, I worked my way up to a jog for as long as I could endure.

In 2014, I entered a season that opened up time and space for me to address some areas that I had been neglecting for years. As I took stock of my mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health, I realized that I needed to do a better job of taking care of myself. I entered into a time of counseling, joined a support group, and decided to nourish my body with healthier eating and exercise.

In that period of finding myself again, I decided to become a runner.

When I first started out, I was discouraged that I couldn’t even finish a mile. I pushed too hard. I tried to run too fast. It was too much too soon.

I learned to embrace the process and just start small. Run 3 minutes, walk 2. Run 4 minutes, walk 1. Run 5… see if you can keep going. It took a month, but I finally was able to run a mile without stopping. It seems like such a small accomplishment, but it represented the beginning of a journey for me.

Eventually, I signed up for 5k races and regularly ran 3 miles at a time. In 2016, I signed up to run a half marathon in the mountainous college town where I work. During that training time, I decided to press in to the quiet. I started to pray as I ran. This opened up a completely new way of approaching those training runs and the long stretches of time dedicated to race preparation.

God revealed some amazing lessons about communicating with Him through my half marathon training:

Prayer is not a stagnant thing. I am missing out if I believe prayer requires me to kneel beside my bed or talk to God when I am in the pew at church. God invites us into regular conversation with Him and wants to be part of every ounce of our day. He invites us to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). We can pray while we drive, walk, parent our children, sit at our desks, cook dinner, or sit with hurting friends. We can offer up our requests and listen for His voice even in the busyness of our weekly routine or in the rhythm of a training run.

Scripture is a powerful prayer tool. Over the course of my training, I wrote various words from Scripture onto a 3×5 notecard that I could carry in my pocket. Some were verses that gave me strength or courage to keep pressing into my run, and others were calming truths I needed during that hard season. When I don’t have the words, I can use words that God gave us to return to Him as a plea, a meditation, or an offering.

We are called to pray for others. For most of my life, I think my prayers sounded more like, “Dear Heavenly Father, Gimme, gimme, gimme.” During my long runs, a friend suggested that I pray for a different person each mile. On the back of the notecard with my verse for the day, I also wrote a name next to each mile I was planning to run.

Something transformative happens in our hearts when we repeatedly pray for others in our lives. It takes our eyes off our own problems, and joins us as partners in prayer with others who also have needs. My notecard even contained a few names of people I really didn’t want to pray for who caused hurt or who I was having a hard time forgiving. I focused on asking God to bless those people and to soften my heart towards them. He was and is faithful in answering those prayers.

Take it one step at a time. Training to run a half marathon (13.1 miles) happens one step at a time. I cannot jump past all of the hard stuff in my life to get to the finish line. As I worked through sore muscles, shin splints, tired lungs, and adjustments to my protein and caloric intake, I grew in my capacity to listen to my body and learned how to move forward in my training – one run at a time.

That same season was filled with many questions about the future and how to move forward, but God taught me to trust Him to lead, one step at a time. I prayed for His wisdom to show me the next right thing, and He used my training to remind me to slow down my tendency to run ahead and just listen to Him.

Heather Lobe is a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who has seen firsthand how God redeems broken lives and heals our deepest wounds. Heather is a writer, speaker, and worship leader with a heart for others to know Jesus. Active in her local community and the Celebrate Recovery ministry, Heather’s heart is for women to know that they are known, loved, and healed in relationship with Christ. She delights in making gratitude lists, finding good local coffee, and running and hiking the mountains of Roanoke, Virginia where she lives with her husband and son. You can find more of Heather’s writing at www.heatherlobe.com, and she’d love to connect with you on Instagram.