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Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

Chasing God's glory down life's unexpected trails

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A Road Trip Called Grief

I’m crazy about road trips. Ever since I learned how to drive I have loved the thrill of getting behind the wheel and going somewhere. I love to pump up the music, roll down the windows, and drink in the sights and sounds and wonder of it all. I grew up a city girl, so I love six lanes of traffic, twinkling city lights, and the obtuse angles of skyscrapers across the night. I have also learned to love cruising two lanes in the country with nothing but emerald pastures and big sky before me, or winding through the mountains peering over the ledges of breathtaking vistas.

Nine months ago I began a journey, a trip I never signed up for or imagined I’d be taking. My husband was diagnosed with stage four cancer and everything from what I considered “the good life” (also known as “the predictable life”) was ripped from under me – my security in marriage, my family, my ministry, my future. This was the beginning of a surprising road trip called grief.

I cried for 100 days.

The tears would not stop. I stood in the kitchen and cried. I drove my kids to school, and I cried. I sat by his bedside, watching his once athletic body deteriorate and cried. I went to church and sat in the back row and cried. I crawled across the gravel driveway trying to fight my fears and muster up some faith – all the while crying out to God.

A God who grieves with me

I am so grateful I serve a God who cries with me and allows me to question. I always return to the story of Lazarus’ death. John 11:33 gives flesh to this story: Mary was grieving the loss of her brother, and “when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews, who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled…Jesus wept.” I love the way my Jesus sees tears and enters in. The healing often begins with these very soul-tears.

After my husband graduated into Glory, something lifted in me. The incredible weight of those 100 days of anticipating losing him was gone. I could rest in knowing my beloved is enjoying Heaven with his Savior. This was everything he lived for here on earth. His time was complete, his purpose fulfilled in 40 short years.

After he died, I also had a huge realization that I needed to nurture a space for grief. I needed to choose to nourish myself after enduring such trauma. I needed to create a safe space again for my three young daughters. This meant I had to say no to a lot of commitments. This also meant I had to be brave to try new things and create fresh rhythms for our family apart from our past.

As humans, our nature is to avoid pain. But sometimes grief is about returning to the places where you laid your most precious memories and remembering…and then finding the grace and strength to forge new memories. It’s about wading through instead of marching around.

I decided the time had come to take some road trips. We received all kinds of invitations from friends to visit or vacation with them. I gave myself permission to venture out. Admittedly, that first trip was hard to take. Packing all the bags and diapers and snacks took me forever. I had to play Tetris with the trunk – a job that had always been reserved for my man. But finally, we pulled out of the driveway and headed for the ocean. That first trip was a small victory for me, a step forward.

Quickly, I fell in love with road trips again. With my kids strapped in and my worship music blaring, I found a healing place to journey through my memories and questions. As our car traveled the miles, my heart was traversing too, daring to form new dreams.

Traveling together

Part of this grief journey has been helping my three daughters navigate the loss of their daddy. My desire has been to create a safe space for them to cry and remember. In the car, we talk about him. We imagine what he might be doing in Heaven today.

I have had friends who have offered to get in the car with us. They have sat in the passenger seat with me on this grief journey. They have cried with me and given me permission to laugh. They have held my hand and pointed out the gifts along the way.

Others have traveled in the back seat with me. They seldom say a word but their role is just as important. They are the prayer warriors, the ones who follow a prompting to pray me through late at night or when something triggers a memory or on a holiday. I am grateful for these sojourners.

I challenge you with these questions: How can you journey with someone grieving today? How can you offer up the Ministry of Presence or prayer to help them on their journey?

Here’s the thing: I now realize this is not just a journey of grief. It’s the journey called life. If you have not experienced loss, you will. If you are not in the middle of suffering now, you will likely taste it soon. It’s sobering, but a reality in our broken world.

A time to mourn and a time to dance

What I have discovered on this trip is that it’s all a surprising paradox. Where there is pain, there is always joy co-mingling. Where there is bitterness, there is also that top layer of sweetness that I never would have tasted before if I didn’t understand the contrast. Where there is mourning, there is also dancing (Ecclesiastes 3:4). Oh how I need both. Oh how I long to teach my girls the importance of embracing all this life has to offer and looking to the next one with confidence that we will be with daddy. And we will be with Jesus, our Redeemer.

I am driving in my car and I’m chasing a sunset along the coast. Before me is this giant orange-crimson-fiery ball slipping into the ocean-horizon. The sheer beauty of it takes my breath away. I am also filled with a strange sadness to enjoy it only for what seems like seconds.

What comes next, of course, is the real surprise. The sky fills with ribbons of color extending from that place where the sun had been. A deep merlot. A bright pumpkin. A lemon yellow. The pinks and indigos and purples swirling together. Sometimes the journey is so hard. It’s full of hard and hurting and harrowing experiences, but as we look back we can see the true colors of His Glory dancing across the sky.

**Are you struggling through a grief journey? Are you longing for a companion on your trip? Sign up for my weekly note of encouragement here. I also have a FREE resource on “Navigating grief with kids” that you will get delivered to your inbox when you sign up.

Photo by Tobias Greitzke on Unsplash.

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February 22, 2015 Categories: Navigating GriefTagged: christian blog, christianity, death, dorina gilmore, dorina lazo gilmore, Grief, hope, inspirational, journey, joy, life, roadtrip, struggle

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Peggy says

    February 23, 2015 at 6:27 am

    Thank you Dorina for your words of encouragement on this beautiful rainy morning. Today our family grieves the loss of our dear friend Molly Griffin, who went to be with Jesus on Saturday. I loved your words that you shared, where there is mourning, there is also dancing. (Ecclesiastes 3:4).

    Reply
    • Dorina Gilmore says

      March 6, 2015 at 6:38 am

      So grieved to hear of Molly’s death! I imagine she’s dancing in Heaven and having a grand conversation with my Ericlee.

      Reply
  2. Bimala Shrestha Pokharel says

    February 23, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    I am always encourage, inspired and challenged by your words. Thanks for using your gifts to bless so many around the world and being a strong woman of courage. My family and I are often on our knees for you, for your girls and for the road trips you will be taking in the future.

    Reply
    • Dorina Gilmore says

      March 6, 2015 at 6:38 am

      Bimala, I’m inspired by you! I hope one day we can visit face-to-face again and trace the stories of God’s faithfulness in suffering around the world. Carry on, warrior!

      Reply
  3. Melissa Ens says

    February 23, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    Beautifully said, Dorina. I resonate with so much of what you wrote… Thanks for sharing your journey.

    Reply
    • Dorina Gilmore says

      March 6, 2015 at 6:37 am

      Thanks for taking time to read! I love when God resonates a message in a person way!

      Reply
  4. Becky Cox says

    February 24, 2015 at 8:04 am

    Dorina, God has given you the ability to string words together in such a beautiful way. Thank you for sharing your journey with honesty and always pointing to the ever-present hope we have in Christ.

    Reply
    • Dorina Gilmore says

      March 6, 2015 at 6:36 am

      Oh Becky! I appreciate your words of encouragement… These inspire me to keep sharing His story!

      Reply

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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Before Footer

After my husband soared to Heaven eight years ago, my three daughters and I found ourselves on an intense grief journey. I never imagined being a widow at age 37 when my girls were just 2, 5, and 8 years old. Despite the heaviness of grief, I knew God was near. And I longed for my daughters to experience His comforting presence too. That’s how we started chasing God’s glory together.

We started with a nightly rhythm of watching the sunset together. We would step out onto our back patio or pull over on the side of the road and pause to watch the colors waltzing across the sky.

Initially, my girls asked, “Mama, why do we watch the sunset? It happens every night.” But soon they discovered that every sunset was unique. Little by little, this rhythm became something we looked forward to. There was something calming and comforting for the girls and me as we watched God paint the sky each night. Our Creator God, the Master Artist, met us in the brush strokes of sparkling gold and emerald green. The girls would point out the ribbons of ruby red and deep amethyst sashaying across the sapphire blue sky. We would smile and delight at the jewel-toned colors. We felt like it was a kiss from their daddy in Heaven.

My daughters are teenagers now, but they still love to chase sunsets and tell me about the ways God showed up in their days. They text me photos or pull me out to the balcony to watch His glory chasing across the sky.

I have learned we can plant seeds of hope and faith in our kids when we go glory hunting together.

Read the full article on @herviewfromhome here: https://herviewfromhome.com/widow-at-37-gods-grace/

#chasingGodsglory #sunsetchaser #glorychasers @waterbrookmultnomahkids #sunset #parenting #gloryhunter

View

Jun 7

Open
After my husband soared to Heaven eight years ago, my three daughters and I found ourselves on an intense grief journey. I never imagined being a widow at age 37 when my girls were just 2, 5, and 8 years old. Despite the heaviness of grief, I knew God was near. And I longed for my daughters to experience His comforting presence too. That’s how we started chasing God’s glory together.
We started with a nightly rhythm of watching the sunset together. We would step out onto our back patio or pull over on the side of the road and pause to watch the colors waltzing across the sky.
Initially, my girls asked, “Mama, why do we watch the sunset? It happens every night.” But soon they discovered that every sunset was unique. Little by little, this rhythm became something we looked forward to. There was something calming and comforting for the girls and me as we watched God paint the sky each night. Our Creator God, the Master Artist, met us in the brush strokes of sparkling gold and emerald green. The girls would point out the ribbons of ruby red and deep amethyst sashaying across the sapphire blue sky. We would smile and delight at the jewel-toned colors. We felt like it was a kiss from their daddy in Heaven. 
My daughters are teenagers now, but they still love to chase sunsets and tell me about the ways God showed up in their days. They text me photos or pull me out to the balcony to watch His glory chasing across the sky.
I have learned we can plant seeds of hope and faith in our kids when we go glory hunting together.
Read the full article on @herviewfromhome here: https://herviewfromhome.com/widow-at-37-gods-grace/
#chasingGodsglory #sunsetchaser #glorychasers @waterbrookmultnomahkids #sunset #parenting #gloryhunter
101 13

☀️ We cherished a day of celebrating our Giada’s 8th grade promotion in Disneyland yesterday! Her sisters rallied and saved money for their tickets. Instead of a party we took a family trip to the happiest place on earth! 😃 It was a surprisingly cool, overcast day!

In the younger days, I spent more time taking them to the bathroom and making sure everyone had a buddy for roses. Now I’m enjoying Disneyland with older kids who plan the trip, strategize which rides to go on and when. We ate some yummy treats, laughed a lot, played games in line, and made it to most of our faves!

@shawnyoungruns has definitely influenced our fam with his love for all things Disney! I am not sad about it. As for me, I’m in it for the Disney-themed food! 🥨 🍍 🍹 🍔 🍦My new fave is this pineapple churro with Cheema cheese dipping sauce. Woweee!

🏰 Are you a Disney fan? What’s your favorite park, ride, food, or show?!

#globalglorychasers #disneyland #disneyfoodie

View

Jun 7

Open
☀️ We cherished a day of celebrating our Giada’s 8th grade promotion in Disneyland yesterday! Her sisters rallied and saved money for their tickets. Instead of a party we took a family trip to the happiest place on earth! 😃 It was a surprisingly cool, overcast day! 
In the younger days, I spent more time taking them to the bathroom and making sure everyone had a buddy for roses. Now I’m enjoying Disneyland with older kids who plan the trip, strategize which rides to go on and when. We ate some yummy treats, laughed a lot, played games in line, and made it to most of our faves! 
@shawnyoungruns has definitely influenced our fam with his love for all things Disney! I am not sad about it. As for me, I’m in it for the Disney-themed food! 🥨 🍍 🍹 🍔 🍦My new fave is this pineapple churro with Cheema cheese dipping sauce. Woweee! 
🏰 Are you a Disney fan? What’s your favorite park, ride, food, or show?! 
#globalglorychasers #disneyland #disneyfoodie
85 4

Last night the six of us went to see the show SIX and to cheer on my talented childhood friend Valerie Maze who was the conductor/keyboardist. This was my birthday/Mother’s Day gift from my hubby, and it was so special!

What a phenomenal and engaging way to learn about history and the stories of the six wives of Henry VIII! The music, the lights, the voices, the dancing made for a truly unique and memorable show! The Pantages Theater in Los Angeles is also one of my favorites!

And the biggest treat of all was hanging out with @valerie.maze afterwards. We haven’t been together in YEARS! And this was the first time she met my Shawn and Meilani! #sixshow #broadwaymusical #globalglorychasers

View

Jun 4

Open
Last night the six of us went to see the show SIX and to cheer on my talented childhood friend Valerie Maze who was the conductor/keyboardist. This was my birthday/Mother’s Day gift from my hubby, and it was so special! 
What a phenomenal and engaging way to learn about history and the stories of the six wives of Henry VIII! The music, the lights, the voices, the dancing made for a truly unique and memorable show! The Pantages Theater in Los Angeles is also one of my favorites! 
And the biggest treat of all was hanging out with @valerie.maze afterwards. We haven’t been together in YEARS! And this was the first time she met my Shawn and Meilani! #sixshow #broadwaymusical #globalglorychasers
38 6

Hey friend, do you know about my weekly Glorygram? Every Saturday I gently drop this gift in your inbox, which includes an encouraging essay about chasing God`s glory, a monthly book giveaway, recommendations, recipes, and more.

Consider this like sitting down at my table for some homemade lumpia and a tall glass of mango lemonade. My heart is to share in community about what God is teaching us. You can hop over to DorinaGlorygram.Substack.com and read this week`s edition. Be sure to Subscribe while you`re there so you don`t miss a thing.

In this week`s Glorygram, I`m sharing a story about the power of asking questions and five sisters who asked a question that changed history. Don`t miss it!

#glory #encouragingwords #substack #glorychasers #hesed2023 #biblereading #bibleteacher #leadership #powerfulquestions

View

Jun 3

Open
Hey friend, do you know about my weekly Glorygram? Every Saturday I gently drop this gift in your inbox, which includes an encouraging essay about chasing God's glory, a monthly book giveaway, recommendations, recipes, and more.
Consider this like sitting down at my table for some homemade lumpia and a tall glass of mango lemonade. My heart is to share in community about what God is teaching us. You can hop over to DorinaGlorygram.Substack.com and read this week's edition. Be sure to Subscribe while you're there so you don't miss a thing.
In this week's Glorygram, I'm sharing a story about the power of asking questions and five sisters who asked a question that changed history. Don't miss it!
#glory #encouragingwords #substack #glorychasers #hesed2023 #biblereading #bibleteacher #leadership #powerfulquestions
24 7

Join me for a stroll through the next psalm of ascent. Psalm 128 is a wisdom psalm that walks us through what it looks like to enjoy the blessings of the Lord. If we have the fear of the Lord and choose to walk with Him, we get to step into this abundance!

-What does walking with Him look like for you in this season?

View

Jun 2

Open
Join me for a stroll through the next psalm of ascent. Psalm 128 is a wisdom psalm that walks us through what it looks like to enjoy the blessings of the Lord. If we have the fear of the Lord and choose to walk with Him, we get to step into this abundance!
-What does walking with Him look like for you in this season?
22 2
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