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Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

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Pressing into the bittersweet {and a love letter to my widow friends}

Valentine's Day is a hard holiday for a lot of people, especially widows. What can you do to love on a widow mama this week? A card, a bouquet of flowers, a coupon for childcare, an invitation to dinner - maybe you could be the "blessing from Bethlehem" described in this Valentine letter to widows.

My love language is food, and I love sharing it with my people.  This past Sunday night I hosted a dinner party at my house. In the afternoon, my girls helped me roll meatballs, frost mini bundt cakes and dip chocolate strawberries. We scrubbed toilets and pulled out extra chairs so we could fit all the guests around the table. While my oldest prepared activities for the kids, I lit a mess of candles and arranged flowers all over the house.

The goal: to make our friends feel loved and cherished.

After all, it’s Valentine’s week, and we needed to celebrate. As the guests began to spill in the door, the pasta water began to boil. Everyone gathered in the entryway exchanging hugs and catching up. The kids found their way to our office/playroom with no trouble and started up a game of heart bingo.

The party had officially commenced.

A few friends helped me in the kitchen and we served up steaming platters of pumpkin ravioli with alfredo sauce and beef tortellini with tomato-meat ragu. We passed an antipasto salad and crusty bread with softened butter around the table. The volume rose with little clusters of friends all around the room chatting and telling stories.

You might not be able to tell it from the outside, but we all have one thing in common. We are all widows.

To be honest, this is not the kind of gathering I ever expected to have at my house. This certainly was never the story I would have written for myself. When I read my wedding vows to my beloved Ericlee, the thought never crossed my mind that I would be widowed before the age of 40. I never thought about navigating grief with my three daughters all under the age of 8 when their daddy graduated to heaven. Prior to his cancer diagnosis, all our dinner parties were with family and couples and friends with kids.

As I gazed around the table Sunday night, I experienced something surprisingly bittersweet.

Author Shauna Niequist illuminates this poignantly: “Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness.”

As my widow friends told stories, rich laughter rang out around the table. It was contagious. One story led to the next and to the next. An evening that could have been somber, that could have been spent home alone on the couch, was suddenly dripping with bittersweet like those strawberries dipped in dark chocolate.

We savored every bite.

I know Valentine’s Day can be hard when you are missing someone you love. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but we were all surprised by joy and a few tears as we each remembered what we loved most about our husbands. Each one talked about husbands who had made them feel loved and cherished, who were their cheerleaders, their best friends, their spiritual leaders and the faithful fathers of their children.

I saw courageous mothers around that table. I saw women digging deep to rise above the ashes. I saw widows who were not willing to be defined by pity, but instead held fast to faith. Their strength buoyed mine.

We sent each of the women home that night with a bouquet of roses. As they drove away, I was struck by how, despite life’s thorns, God cultivates resilience in us through community. The blessing Sunday night was all mine.

Dear Widow Friend,

Today I know may feel bittersweet. I know the very thought of Valentine’s Day may prick your heart and trigger your memories. I know you will be scrolling through social media and see all the pictures of couples, and you will miss him.

You will stop and wonder how this came to be. You will ask yourself why you have to endure this holiday without your beloved. Again. I urge you to press in. Give yourself permission to grieve. Allow yourself to step into those memories. Don’t try to shut it down.

Remind yourself what you loved most about your man. Jot down some of those special things he did or the words he would gift to you on a day like today. Tell your kids about that silly gift he brought you that one year or the way he always showed up with flowers.

It’s ok to be a little sad on Valentine’s Day. It’s alright to shed a few tears – or even a deluge of tears if you have to – as you look at his pictures, as you remember the curve of his jaw and the tenor of his laughter.

I don’t want you to forget that you are still cherished. You are still loved.

I can’t help thinking about women in the Bible like Hagar who wandered in the wilderness with her child. God found her there. “Where have you come from and where are you going?” He asked her. He cared about her story. He saw her in her brokenness and leaned in close to see her, to listen to her.

Our God who sees is bending close to see you today.

I can’t help thinking about the widow, Ruth, who lost her husband and all the providers in her life. She followed her mother-in-law to a foreign land. She trusted God even in her grief. And He provided for her in Bethlehem. She was given food and shelter – and eventually a husband who brought new value to her life. A kinsman redeemer.

Widow friend, He provides for us in Bethlehem too.

I don’t pretend to know where or when or how God will provide for you, but I know He will. He is always, always, always working underground on your behalf. He may give you the gift of community. He may speak to you in a sunset. He may sing to you through the radio or the tune of a bird. Look for Him today. Listen for his love notes.

On this Valentine’s Day, I am extending my hands to you. I wish you courage and kindness and grace. And I wish you love.

Dorina

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February 14, 2017 Categories: Navigating GriefTagged: behold, community, compassion, cooking, courage, flourishing, food stories, friendship, Grief, hope

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Caron says

    February 15, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    Whoa. It’s only 6:42am, and I’m crying in my bed.

    How many widows did you have over?

    You’re brave and amazing.

    I love you.❤️

    Reply
    • Caron says

      February 15, 2017 at 2:45 pm

      And…a question for you. Are you always a widow? For your whole life, I mean?

      Reply
      • Dorina Gilmore says

        February 16, 2017 at 5:49 pm

        Yes, always a widow. Always honoring my man who is in heaven. And always watching God redeem the brokenness in me.

        Reply
    • Dorina Gilmore says

      February 16, 2017 at 5:50 pm

      There were 9 of us. All mothering and navigating our grief together.

      Reply
  2. barbara simons says

    February 18, 2017 at 3:57 am

    This is so lovely and so needed for those that have losses….even though I am divorced many years, I still grieve valentines day and strive to remember the good and honor the love that produced beauty from the ashes in the form of children & grandchildren to carry on the love part of me with God. That collateral beauty can exist even when there were poor choices made.
    You are a blessing, dont stop writing?
    ( not necessary to post,I just want to encourage & affirm your sweet deeds & thoughts!)

    Reply
    • Dorina Gilmore says

      February 27, 2017 at 8:31 pm

      Thank you for sharing, Barbara! I appreciate the way you share your story and remember God brings beauty from the ashes. Love you!

      Reply
  3. Yacon Root says

    October 21, 2017 at 2:10 pm

    I enjoyed this site. It’s an awesome read.

    Reply

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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Recent Posts

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Before Footer

I’ve created this compassionate resource for your personal journey with grief. This book was 8 years in the making and offers a comforting, giftable resource for those who are processing their own loss, whether of a loved one, a season of life, or a dream. Breathing Through Grief includes 25 short devotionals that each focus on a different aspect of grief from my personal experience.

The journal also includes special resources such as:
•
breathing exercises
•
reflection questions
•
soul care tips
•
ample writing space
•
advice on how to talk to children about death
•
suggestions on how to approach triggers
•
creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory

If you or someone close to you is walking through loss⁠, let the comforting words in Breathing Through Grief encourage you with the knowledge that you are not alone and bring you a semblance of peace as you continue forward on the road to healing.

The book releases Nov. 14. You can pre-order today. For more information, visit www.waterbrookmultnomah.com.

View

Sep 21

Open
I’ve created this compassionate resource for your personal journey with grief. This book was 8 years in the making and offers a comforting, giftable resource for those who are processing their own loss, whether of a loved one, a season of life, or a dream. Breathing Through Grief includes 25 short devotionals that each focus on a different aspect of grief from my personal experience.
The journal also includes special resources such as:
•
breathing exercises
•
reflection questions
•
soul care tips
•
ample writing space
•
advice on how to talk to children about death
•
suggestions on how to approach triggers
•
creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory
If you or someone close to you is walking through loss⁠, let the comforting words in Breathing Through Grief encourage you with the knowledge that you are not alone and bring you a semblance of peace as you continue forward on the road to healing.
The book releases Nov. 14. You can pre-order today. For more information, visit www.waterbrookmultnomah.com.
8 1

Last week I embarked on a new adventure. My sister and I were hired as the new chefs for the Open Door Sisterhood retreat in Priest Lake, Idaho. This annual 5-day retreat is part of a year-long experience carefully curated and nurtured by podcast hosts and authors Krista Gilbert and Alexandra Kuykendall. This gathering is designed for professional communicators and business women who want to infuse the hope of Christ into their work.

As I was chopping onions and adding fragrant spices to the pot, I felt great pleasure. My heart swelled with delight as my sister and I showed a small group of women how to roll lumpia just like our Grandma Cora taught us. I experienced joy in serving up Pancit, Bibimbap bowls, Butter Chicken, Pizzelles and Pumpkin tiramisu - all the while sharing the stories of how these foods connect to my family.

I remembered one of my favorite stories in the Bible after the resurrection of Christ. Jesus appears by the Sea of Galilee where his disciples were together. The group heads out to fish, but they don’t catch anything.

The next morning Jesus is standing on the shore waiting for them. He calls out, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”

They answer no.

He urges the to cast their nets on the right sight of the boat. The result is a catch of 153 large fish - so many that the net is torn. Jesus urges them to bring the fish for a big fish fry on the shore. “Come and have breakfast.”

None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish (John 21:11-12, NIV)

We see Jesus’s joy in serving them. He takes time to make bread and prepare fish to nourish them well and then send them out. This is the power of food and sharing a meal across the table. It’s nourishment for the body and soul.

🫶🏾 Friend, what about you? Have you ever had that experience of doing something that brought you great joy and blessed others?

{Read the full reflection here: https://open.substack.com/pub/dorinaglorygram/p/follow-the-joy-set-before-you} #foodie #food #cookingtherapy #nourish #lovelanguage #powertothesisterhood #retreat @theopendoorsisterhood

View

Sep 18

Open
Last week I embarked on a new adventure. My sister and I were hired as the new chefs for the Open Door Sisterhood retreat in Priest Lake, Idaho. This annual 5-day retreat is part of a year-long experience carefully curated and nurtured by podcast hosts and authors Krista Gilbert and Alexandra Kuykendall. This gathering is designed for professional communicators and business women who want to infuse the hope of Christ into their work. 
As I was chopping onions and adding fragrant spices to the pot, I felt great pleasure. My heart swelled with delight as my sister and I showed a small group of women how to roll lumpia just like our Grandma Cora taught us. I experienced joy in serving up Pancit, Bibimbap bowls, Butter Chicken, Pizzelles and Pumpkin tiramisu - all the while sharing the stories of how these foods connect to my family. 
I remembered one of my favorite stories in the Bible after the resurrection of Christ. Jesus appears by the Sea of Galilee where his disciples were together. The group heads out to fish, but they don’t catch anything. 
The next morning Jesus is standing on the shore waiting for them. He calls out, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”
They answer no. 
He urges the to cast their nets on the right sight of the boat. The result is a catch of 153 large fish - so many that the net is torn. Jesus urges them to bring the fish for a big fish fry on the shore. “Come and have breakfast.” 
None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish (John 21:11-12, NIV)
We see Jesus’s joy in serving them. He takes time to make bread and prepare fish to nourish them well and then send them out. This is the power of food and sharing a meal across the table. It’s nourishment for the body and soul.
🫶🏾 Friend, what about you? Have you ever had that experience of doing something that brought you great joy and blessed others?
{Read the full reflection here: https://open.substack.com/pub/dorinaglorygram/p/follow-the-joy-set-before-you} #foodie #food  #cookingtherapy #nourish #lovelanguage #powertothesisterhood #retreat @theopendoorsisterhood
26 4

I had a fantastic Sunday morning running the Diamond 10k! 🩵💎🦋 The weather was simply gorgeous! I could feel a cool breeze kissing my shoulders (most of the way) on the out-and-back course from the San Joaquin River Parkway Conservatory. My hubby Shawn was the race announcer. The runners got to cross the finish line under a chandelier and sparkly sun rays.

This is one of my fave races because of all the phenomenal women cheering each other on, the beautiful jewelry by Endure Jewelry (instead of traditional medals), and of course, the sparkly donuts. 🍩 🏃🏽‍♀️My friend and race director @sunny.runs always has every detail dialed in to make it a beautiful & community-oriented event! After a long week, this was definitely the breath of fresh air and reset I needed!

#glorychasers #walkrunsoar #eatprayrun #runningmotivation #running #runhappy

View

Sep 18

Open
I had a fantastic Sunday morning running the Diamond 10k! 🩵💎🦋 The weather was simply gorgeous! I could feel a cool breeze kissing my shoulders (most of the way) on the out-and-back course from the San Joaquin River Parkway Conservatory. My hubby Shawn was the race announcer. The runners got to cross the finish line under a chandelier and sparkly sun rays. 
This is one of my fave races because of all the phenomenal women cheering each other on, the beautiful jewelry by Endure Jewelry (instead of traditional medals), and of course, the sparkly donuts. 🍩 🏃🏽‍♀️My friend and race director @sunny.runs always has every detail dialed in to make it a beautiful & community-oriented event! After a long week, this was definitely the breath of fresh air and reset I needed! 
#glorychasers #walkrunsoar #eatprayrun #runningmotivation #running #runhappy
47 2

It was truly my joy to
design, cook, and serve up
11 meals
Over 5 days
Taking 13 women on a
World tour.
Nourishing souls.
Telling stories
through food.

#foodiefriday

View

Sep 16

Open
It was truly my joy to
design, cook, and serve up
11 meals
Over 5 days
Taking 13 women on a 
World tour.
Nourishing souls.
Telling stories
through food. 
#foodiefriday
31 4

📖 Join me today for a verse-by-verse reading and unpacking of one of my favorite psalms! Psalm 139 is a reminder that we are known by God and He is always with us.

Maybe you are feeling lonely today. Maybe you are wondering if He really cares about your grieving heart or sees you in the waiting. These honest and passionate words from David are a honey-sweet reminder that we are never alone.

I personally love thinking about God with knitting 🧶 needles designing and knitting each of us together in our mama’s womb. I love thinking about how with thread and needle 🪡 He hems me in.

🫶🏾What was your fave verse or image from Psalm 139?

#psalm #biblestudy #versebyverse #david #fearfullyandwonderfullymade #knitting #bibleverse #psalms

View

Sep 15

Open
📖 Join me today for a verse-by-verse reading and unpacking of one of my favorite psalms! Psalm 139 is a reminder that we are known by God and He is always with us.
Maybe you are feeling lonely today. Maybe you are wondering if He really cares about your grieving heart or sees you in the waiting. These honest and passionate words from David are a honey-sweet reminder that we are never alone.
I personally love thinking about God with knitting 🧶 needles designing and knitting each of us together in our mama’s womb. I love thinking about how with thread and needle 🪡 He hems me in. 
🫶🏾What was your fave verse or image from Psalm 139?
#psalm #biblestudy #versebyverse #david #fearfullyandwonderfullymade #knitting #bibleverse #psalms
20 6
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