• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

Chasing God's glory down life's unexpected trails

  • About Dorina
  • Speaking
    • Events
  • Books
  • Podcast
  • Running
  • Culture + Travel
  • Blog
    • Freebies

{A blog series} All Things New: Life beyond the hospital doors

The following is a guest post written by my widow friend, Danielle Comer. I hope her story opens a window to what it looks like to move forward after the loss of a spouse. She continues to inspire me with her courage.

 

I remember walking out of the hospital on that sunny day in May, feeling like I had walked into another world, another life. Not mine or the one I knew. It was like we had walked in as a family of two, but I came out as a party of one.

Was this really happening?  Do I keep walking?  What if I walked back into the hospital? Would it change everything back to the way it was?  What am I supposed to do now?  How do you live as a brand new widow?

The years leading up to Kenny’s death, we didn’t talk much about the possibility of life without Kenny here. Anyone who knew Kenny knew he was very positive with his diagnosis, and he was determined to beat it. He went beyond every measure to continue his life here on earth with me, his daughter Kenlee, and our dog Tank. He did so with the decision to remove his right leg and hip, as well as part of his lung, to gain more time and the chance of finding a therapy that would work.

However, the last few months of his life weren’t filled with the same positivity. On the surface, we stayed positive and he fought to the very end. Behind the scenes, we had more frequent talks about what I would do if he was gone. He didn’t like talking about this, nor did I, so the conversations never came to any resolutions. They were simply acknowledgments that this could one day be my reality.

After battling cancer for almost 11 years, Kenny passed away from Ewing’s Sarcoma on May 30, 2015.

I knew everything would be okay. I knew I had an amazing family and support system who would take care of me. However, there was one thing that I wasn’t prepared for. I didn’t anticipate that when Kenny passed away, he would take so much of me with him.

It was as if everything I had ever known or worked for was stripped away from me. The woman I had become, the woman I was working on, the woman I was building – she was no longer.

I found myself asking, Who am I now? What’s my identity?

Attempting to answer the questions above was a more difficult undertaking than I ever imagined it would be. I started doing new things, and I had to let go of other things.

A couple months after Kenny passed, I started therapy.I remember at the first session the therapist asked me what I wanted out of our time. I wasn’t sure how to answer her because I felt like I was expected to say I was there to grieve the death of my husband. However, I felt at peace about his passing and wasn’t sure why I needed therapy. Through the sessions, I realized I needed to learn how to grieve the death of my old self and the life I thought would be mine.

I also started attending church regularly, not just at holidays like we did before. At first, the main reason for attending was to spend time with friends so I wouldn’t be alone. However, it quickly became something I needed and looked forward to every week for myself. It also led me to attend a care series group that was for couples fighting cancer together. I was hesitant at first since I was no longer a “couple” or fighting cancer, but I felt compelled to go and share my experience. After much debate and many prayers, I went. I was so glad I did as it ended up helping me more than any other support group.

After Kenny’s death, I was entering a dark and unknown place in my life. The darkest so far to date. Although I felt broken, I had faith God would make me new again and shine light on new hopes and dreams set forth for me.

Now, looking back over my journey these last three years, I can see where some of the most painful moments were necessary experiences I had to go through to learn and discover my new life. These experiences helped me learn the true meaning of letting go and having faith in the unknown.

These experiences led me to new beginnings and new adventures. I have moved to a new state, where I started a job in a different industry. This also led me to a new relationship with my boyfriend, Chris. I knew dating would be one of the hardest changes after Kenny’s death, but it has also proven to be the most rewarding. I have learned more about myself, my true self, and have grown in areas of my life that otherwise wouldn’t have had I not stepped into new things.

Learning to let go of what I wanted to control so badly redefined the meaning of faith for me. The day I had to let go of Kenny, let go of the life I knew, let go of the girl I knew, and walk out on the other side of those hospital doors, I had faith that everything was going to be alright. Maybe not right then, in that moment, or even in the weeks or months ahead – but I knew it was eventually going to be okay. He was going to make everything new again in His time, not mine.


Danielle Comer lives in Oregon where she is a city planner and shares more of her story on her new blog at DanielleComer.com.  During her free time, Danielle enjoys discovering new coffee shops, exploring all Oregon has to offer with her boyfriend, Chris, and dog, Tank. She loves capturing life’s moments with her second set of eyes – her camera.  You can find Danielle on Instagram and Facebook.

 

**This post is part of a January series called “All Things New.” Check out the other stories in the series and my new Bible study, Flourishing Together:

“All Things New: Learning to Flourish After Loss” – an introduction to the series by Dorina Lazo Gilmore, including why she chose “All Things New”

“All Things New: My New Normal” – a guest post by Danell teNyenhuis about finding a new life with her daughters after her husband’s tragic death

“All Things New: Life Beyond the Hospital Doors” – a guest post by Danielle Comer about life for a young widow after her husband died of cancer

“All Things New: Learning To Breathe Again” – guest post by Tara Dickson about emptying herself of expectations and breathing in God’s truth and hope after her husband’s death

 

Flourishing Together is a new 6-week Bible study just released on Amazon. If you are interested in delving deeper into this topic of how God grows beautiful things out of the ashes and dirt of our life, please check out the study:

**black and white version

*full-color version


Share18
Tweet
Share
Pin22
40 Shares

January 10, 2018 Categories: Guest Blogger, Navigating GriefTagged: courage, death, fear, flourishing, Grief, hope, identity, relationships, transitions

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Erin says

    January 10, 2018 at 9:41 pm

    What a well written and touching story about loss.

    Reply
  2. Christine Mitchell says

    July 17, 2019 at 8:58 am

    Thank you, Danielle, for sharing your story. My husband has terminal cancer, and we live in Outback Australia. He’s from Oz, but I’m American, and living here has been quite an adjustment and yet an adventure. We have faith that God can heal him, but we also know that might not happen. In recent months, it seems he’s losing the battle. We’re trying to enjoy our time together while also trying to be wise about the possibility of him not making it. I mention all of that to again thank you for giving me renewed hope in our journey; that if the Lord takes him, it doesn’t mean my life is over. Your courage and strength show me that it’s possible to go on and live a life of joyful purpose in spite of circumstances. All the best in your walk, and thanks again for helping me in mine.

    Reply
    • Dorina Gilmore says

      July 17, 2019 at 12:05 pm

      Christine, our prayers are with you and your husband. I’m glad you found my blog. Hold on to hope, my friend. Every. Day.

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. {A blog series} All Things New: Life beyond the hospital doors - Danielle Comer says:
    January 10, 2018 at 2:25 pm

    […] the rest of this article, click over to my friend’s site – {A blog series} All Things New: Life beyond the hospital doors. As always, it’s an honor to be a featured writer on […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




Primary Sidebar

Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

Find me on Social Media

Categories

  • Book Reviews
  • Culture
  • Featured
  • General
  • Guest Blogger
  • Navigating Grief
  • Podcast
  • Recipes
  • Running

Recent Posts

  • Our Top 10 AAPI Chapter Books July 26, 2022
  • On butterfly wings: No Shame in Going Gently July 15, 2022
  • 5 myths and 1 important truth about grief July 6, 2022
  • When God meets us in ocean waves June 7, 2022
  • 10 picture books by AAPI authors you should add to your bookshelf May 28, 2022

Popular Posts

  • Celebrating a Heaveniversary: 10 ways to honor a loved one’s death
  • 10 meaningful sympathy gift ideas for widows and families
  • My refuge: Resting under the shadow of His wings
  • 10 creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory (and clean out the garage)

Tags

abundance behold brave christian blog christianity christmas community compassion cooking courage creativity culture death dorina lazo gilmore family life fear finishing well flourishing food stories friendship gifts Grief haiti hope identity Incourage essays inspirational kids laughter Main dish margin marriage parenting passion relationships rest self-care serve sharing faith social justice struggle transitions wonder world travel writing

Before Footer

From glorious summer produce to frozen treats, from spicy Korean wings to colorful charcuteries, these are a few of our fave 2022 summer eats! 🍉 ...

View

Aug 6

Open
From glorious summer produce to frozen treats, from spicy Korean wings to colorful charcuteries, these are a few of our fave 2022 summer eats! 🍉 
What is your fave food or dish to make/eat in the summer?! Share in the comments! #glorychasers #eatprayrun
45 13

Today we are walking through Psalm 95, a praise and thanksgiving psalm!

The people thank God for being the rock of their salvation, a great ...

View

Aug 5

Open
Today we are walking through Psalm 95, a praise and thanksgiving psalm! 
The people thank God for being the rock of their salvation, a great God and high King. My favorite image here is God as our Shepherd. He calls us the “people of his pasture, the sheep of his hand.” 🐑 He is a faithful shepherd who keeps His eye on us, provides food for us, and hears our cries even in the wilderness place. What a comfort!
I hope you will take a little time today to listen and read Psalm 95. Join me in thanksgiving and also heed this warning in v. 8-11 not to repeat the past! 
👉🏾How has God been faithful to you in the past? Let’s not forget who He is and what He has done in our lives!
#psalms #bible #bibleverse #biblestudy #devotional #shepherd #thelordismyshepherd
25 5

✍🏾 I wrote the final lines today. 😮‍💨 Breathing Through Grief, Coming in Fall 2023 from @inkandwillowgifts

View

Aug 5

Open
✍🏾 I wrote the final lines today. 😮‍💨 Breathing Through Grief, Coming in Fall 2023 from @inkandwillowgifts
124 30

🎙 In this episode, we interviewed Latasha Ferguson, who is a speaker, writer, podcaster (Overcome to Become Podcast), and ministry leader. Her ...

View

Aug 3

Open
🎙 In this episode, we interviewed Latasha Ferguson, who is a speaker, writer, podcaster (Overcome to Become Podcast), and ministry leader. Her heart beats for empowering women to do the hard work of heart work so they can get unstuck, overcome, own their story, and live authentically.
🏃🏾‍♀️ We chatted about how running helped her overcome adversity, modeling a healthy lifestyle for her four daughters, and how to get started if you’re a newbie.
Tune in to Eat Pray Run, Season 2, Episode 8 for more goodness from @latashamferguson anywhere you listen to podcasts! 🎧
28 9

📚 Who loves reading aloud?! My 10-year-old read a lot of books aloud to me this summer. ☀️ It was such a fun way to dive into the stories of ...

View

Aug 3

Open
📚 Who loves reading aloud?! My 10-year-old read a lot of books aloud to me this summer. ☀️ It was such a fun way to dive into the stories of characters from many cultures. Here’s our Summer Reading list with our top 10 chapter books featuring #AAPI characters and authors! 
👉🏾Check out our reviews on my blog at www.DorinaGilmore.com!
45 18
FOLLOW @DorinaGilmore

After Footer

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2022 • Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young • Privacy Policy

Breathing Through Grief Resources
Name(Required)