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Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

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{A blog series} All Things New: Life beyond the hospital doors

The following is a guest post written by my widow friend, Danielle Comer. I hope her story opens a window to what it looks like to move forward after the loss of a spouse. She continues to inspire me with her courage.

 

I remember walking out of the hospital on that sunny day in May, feeling like I had walked into another world, another life. Not mine or the one I knew. It was like we had walked in as a family of two, but I came out as a party of one.

Was this really happening?  Do I keep walking?  What if I walked back into the hospital? Would it change everything back to the way it was?  What am I supposed to do now?  How do you live as a brand new widow?

The years leading up to Kenny’s death, we didn’t talk much about the possibility of life without Kenny here. Anyone who knew Kenny knew he was very positive with his diagnosis, and he was determined to beat it. He went beyond every measure to continue his life here on earth with me, his daughter Kenlee, and our dog Tank. He did so with the decision to remove his right leg and hip, as well as part of his lung, to gain more time and the chance of finding a therapy that would work.

However, the last few months of his life weren’t filled with the same positivity. On the surface, we stayed positive and he fought to the very end. Behind the scenes, we had more frequent talks about what I would do if he was gone. He didn’t like talking about this, nor did I, so the conversations never came to any resolutions. They were simply acknowledgments that this could one day be my reality.

After battling cancer for almost 11 years, Kenny passed away from Ewing’s Sarcoma on May 30, 2015.

I knew everything would be okay. I knew I had an amazing family and support system who would take care of me. However, there was one thing that I wasn’t prepared for. I didn’t anticipate that when Kenny passed away, he would take so much of me with him.

It was as if everything I had ever known or worked for was stripped away from me. The woman I had become, the woman I was working on, the woman I was building – she was no longer.

I found myself asking, Who am I now? What’s my identity?

Attempting to answer the questions above was a more difficult undertaking than I ever imagined it would be. I started doing new things, and I had to let go of other things.

A couple months after Kenny passed, I started therapy.I remember at the first session the therapist asked me what I wanted out of our time. I wasn’t sure how to answer her because I felt like I was expected to say I was there to grieve the death of my husband. However, I felt at peace about his passing and wasn’t sure why I needed therapy. Through the sessions, I realized I needed to learn how to grieve the death of my old self and the life I thought would be mine.

I also started attending church regularly, not just at holidays like we did before. At first, the main reason for attending was to spend time with friends so I wouldn’t be alone. However, it quickly became something I needed and looked forward to every week for myself. It also led me to attend a care series group that was for couples fighting cancer together. I was hesitant at first since I was no longer a “couple” or fighting cancer, but I felt compelled to go and share my experience. After much debate and many prayers, I went. I was so glad I did as it ended up helping me more than any other support group.

After Kenny’s death, I was entering a dark and unknown place in my life. The darkest so far to date. Although I felt broken, I had faith God would make me new again and shine light on new hopes and dreams set forth for me.

Now, looking back over my journey these last three years, I can see where some of the most painful moments were necessary experiences I had to go through to learn and discover my new life. These experiences helped me learn the true meaning of letting go and having faith in the unknown.

These experiences led me to new beginnings and new adventures. I have moved to a new state, where I started a job in a different industry. This also led me to a new relationship with my boyfriend, Chris. I knew dating would be one of the hardest changes after Kenny’s death, but it has also proven to be the most rewarding. I have learned more about myself, my true self, and have grown in areas of my life that otherwise wouldn’t have had I not stepped into new things.

Learning to let go of what I wanted to control so badly redefined the meaning of faith for me. The day I had to let go of Kenny, let go of the life I knew, let go of the girl I knew, and walk out on the other side of those hospital doors, I had faith that everything was going to be alright. Maybe not right then, in that moment, or even in the weeks or months ahead – but I knew it was eventually going to be okay. He was going to make everything new again in His time, not mine.


Danielle Comer lives in Oregon where she is a city planner and shares more of her story on her new blog at DanielleComer.com.  During her free time, Danielle enjoys discovering new coffee shops, exploring all Oregon has to offer with her boyfriend, Chris, and dog, Tank. She loves capturing life’s moments with her second set of eyes – her camera.  You can find Danielle on Instagram and Facebook.

 

**This post is part of a January series called “All Things New.” Check out the other stories in the series and my new Bible study, Flourishing Together:

“All Things New: Learning to Flourish After Loss” – an introduction to the series by Dorina Lazo Gilmore, including why she chose “All Things New”

“All Things New: My New Normal” – a guest post by Danell teNyenhuis about finding a new life with her daughters after her husband’s tragic death

“All Things New: Life Beyond the Hospital Doors” – a guest post by Danielle Comer about life for a young widow after her husband died of cancer

“All Things New: Learning To Breathe Again” – guest post by Tara Dickson about emptying herself of expectations and breathing in God’s truth and hope after her husband’s death

 

Flourishing Together is a new 6-week Bible study just released on Amazon. If you are interested in delving deeper into this topic of how God grows beautiful things out of the ashes and dirt of our life, please check out the study:

**black and white version

*full-color version


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January 10, 2018 Categories: Guest Blogger, Navigating GriefTagged: courage, death, fear, flourishing, Grief, hope, identity, relationships, transitions

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Erin says

    January 10, 2018 at 9:41 pm

    What a well written and touching story about loss.

    Reply
  2. Christine Mitchell says

    July 17, 2019 at 8:58 am

    Thank you, Danielle, for sharing your story. My husband has terminal cancer, and we live in Outback Australia. He’s from Oz, but I’m American, and living here has been quite an adjustment and yet an adventure. We have faith that God can heal him, but we also know that might not happen. In recent months, it seems he’s losing the battle. We’re trying to enjoy our time together while also trying to be wise about the possibility of him not making it. I mention all of that to again thank you for giving me renewed hope in our journey; that if the Lord takes him, it doesn’t mean my life is over. Your courage and strength show me that it’s possible to go on and live a life of joyful purpose in spite of circumstances. All the best in your walk, and thanks again for helping me in mine.

    Reply
    • Dorina Gilmore says

      July 17, 2019 at 12:05 pm

      Christine, our prayers are with you and your husband. I’m glad you found my blog. Hold on to hope, my friend. Every. Day.

      Reply

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  1. {A blog series} All Things New: Life beyond the hospital doors - Danielle Comer says:
    January 10, 2018 at 2:25 pm

    […] the rest of this article, click over to my friend’s site – {A blog series} All Things New: Life beyond the hospital doors. As always, it’s an honor to be a featured writer on […]

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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Recent Posts

  • An unexpected adoption: You are loved as God’s daughter February 15, 2023
  • Top 10 Books I Read in 2022 January 29, 2023
  • We Can Bear Witness to the Glory of God in Each Other December 21, 2022
  • Rejoice Advent Devotional: How strength rises when we wait December 19, 2022
  • Learning to trust the Potter and the process November 11, 2022

Popular Posts

  • Celebrating a Heaveniversary: 10 ways to honor a loved one’s death
  • 10 meaningful sympathy gift ideas for widows and families
  • My refuge: Resting under the shadow of His wings
  • 10 creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory (and clean out the garage)

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🥳 I’m so excited to chat with children’s book illustrator Lynnor Bontigao on my Global Glory Chasers broadcast tomorrow about writing and illustrating children’s books.

Lynnor Bontigao stapled her first illustrated story at the age of 10 in the Philippines. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Visual Communication. In college, she joined Ang InK, a children’s illustrator group where she fell in love with children’s books. She worked as a graphic designer before moving to the US in 1996. In the US, she studied programming and became a Programmer Analyst for a major financial firm in NYC for 15 years and went back to her first love, art.

She is the author-illustrator of SARI-SARI SUMMERS, her debut picture book with Candlewick Press. She is also the illustrator of THE WORLD`S BEST CLASS PLANT written by award-winning authors Liz Garton Scanlon & Audrey Vernick, as well as YOU ARE REVOLUTIONARY by Cindy Wang Brandt of the popular podcast, Parenting Forward.

Lynnor is a member of the Society of Children`s Book Writers and Illustrators and the winner of the 2020 SCBWI Tomie dePaola Professional Development Award, the 2020 Kweli/SCBWI Emerging Voice Award, and the 2021 Kweli Sing the Truth! Mentorship. Lynnor was also September 2021 SCBWI Featured Illustrator. She loves stories where family relationships, culture, and food are intertwined. Lynnor Bontigao lives in Roselle Park, NJ with her family and 1 tiny dog.

🎤 Join us at 1 pm PT | 4 pm ET right here on IGlive! We will also be sharing about our coming children’s book, Kailani’s Gift! Tag a friend who might enjoy this broadcast too!

#kidlit #globalglorychasers #filipino #filipina @waterbrookmultnomahkids #multicultural #representationmatters #childrensauthor #childrensauthorsofinstagram #childrensauthor

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Mar 29

Open
🥳 I’m so excited to chat with children’s book illustrator  Lynnor Bontigao on my Global Glory Chasers broadcast tomorrow about writing and illustrating children’s books. 
Lynnor Bontigao stapled her first illustrated story at the age of 10 in the Philippines. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Visual Communication. In college, she joined Ang InK, a children’s illustrator group where she fell in love with children’s books. She worked as a graphic designer before moving to the US in 1996. In the US, she studied programming and became a Programmer Analyst for a major financial firm in NYC for 15 years and went back to her first love, art. 
She is the author-illustrator of SARI-SARI SUMMERS, her debut picture book with Candlewick Press. She is also the illustrator of THE WORLD'S BEST CLASS PLANT written by award-winning authors Liz Garton Scanlon & Audrey Vernick, as well as YOU ARE REVOLUTIONARY by Cindy Wang Brandt of the popular podcast, Parenting Forward.
Lynnor is a member of the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators and the winner of the 2020 SCBWI Tomie dePaola Professional Development Award, the 2020 Kweli/SCBWI Emerging Voice Award, and the 2021 Kweli Sing the Truth! Mentorship. Lynnor was also September 2021 SCBWI Featured Illustrator. She loves stories where family relationships, culture, and food are intertwined. Lynnor Bontigao lives in Roselle Park, NJ with her family and 1 tiny dog.
🎤 Join us at 1 pm PT | 4 pm ET right here on IGlive! We will also be sharing about our coming children’s book, Kailani’s Gift! Tag a friend who might enjoy this broadcast too! 
#kidlit #globalglorychasers #filipino #filipina @waterbrookmultnomahkids #multicultural #representationmatters #childrensauthor #childrensauthorsofinstagram #childrensauthor
31 1

📚Did you know pre-orders are a big deal for launching books?! When people pre-order, it helps retailers like Amazon and even smaller bookstores know that this book is worth stocking and sharing.

👉🏾Pre-order my new children’s book, Chasing God’s Glory, through one of your fave retailers and get access to exclusive content we’ve created just for you!

As part of your pre-order bonuses, you’ll receive:

🖍️Glory Chasing Family Activity Pack that’s filled with scavenger hunts, coloring crafts, a pineapple empanada recipe, and more fun for the entire family

🌎 Free access to a Global Glory Chasers Course on Brownicity (one country of your choice)

✍🏾 Dorina’s Glorygram with weekly encouragement, recipes, resources and fun giveaways

Hop over here for details: https://dorinagilmore.com/chasing-gods-glory/

🚀 If you want to join my launch team and share about the book, I can send you a sneak peek digital copy! DM me or respond here! Grateful!

#booklaunch #kidlit #authorsofinstagram #authorssupportingauthors #writersofinstagram #hopewriterlife @redbudwriters #picturebook #readingwithkids

View

Mar 28

Open
📚Did you know pre-orders are a big deal for launching books?! When people pre-order, it helps retailers like Amazon and even smaller bookstores know that this book is worth stocking and sharing. 
👉🏾Pre-order my new children’s book, Chasing God’s Glory, through one of your fave retailers and get access to exclusive content we’ve created just for you!
As part of your pre-order bonuses, you’ll receive:
🖍️Glory Chasing Family Activity Pack that’s filled with scavenger hunts, coloring crafts, a pineapple empanada recipe, and more fun for the entire family
🌎 Free access to a Global Glory Chasers Course on Brownicity (one country of your choice)
✍🏾 Dorina’s Glorygram with weekly encouragement, recipes, resources and fun giveaways
Hop over here for details: https://dorinagilmore.com/chasing-gods-glory/
🚀 If you want to join my launch team and share about the book, I can send you a sneak peek digital copy! DM me or respond here! Grateful! 
#booklaunch #kidlit #authorsofinstagram #authorssupportingauthors #writersofinstagram #hopewriterlife @redbudwriters #picturebook #readingwithkids
56 7

🥳I just had to share this moment with you! It’s my first first time holding my book in my hands… Here’s a sneak peek inside Chasing God’s Glory, which releases on April 11! Three. More. Weeks!

🌅Pre-order your copy at your favorite retailer, grab the pre-order bonus Family Activity Pack, and learn more at https://dorinagilmore.com/chasing-gods-glory/ 🚴

View

Mar 27

Open
🥳I just had to share this moment with you! It’s my first first time holding my book in my hands… Here’s a sneak peek inside Chasing God’s Glory, which releases on April 11! Three. More. Weeks!
🌅Pre-order your copy at your favorite retailer, grab the pre-order bonus Family Activity Pack, and learn more at https://dorinagilmore.com/chasing-gods-glory/ 🚴
152 60

Weekends are for glory chasing…

#glorychasers #chasinggodsglory #walkrunsoar #trailrunning

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Mar 27

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Weekends are for glory chasing…
#glorychasers #chasinggodsglory #walkrunsoar #trailrunning
30 2

Come learn more about how to chase God`s glory through our everyday world and my new children`s book on the @incourage podcast today! I`m chatting with Community Manager @beckykeife about the story behind the book and why I`m so passionate about leading others to experience God`s glory.

The (in)courage podcast is brought to you by DaySpring. For over 50 years, DaySpring has created quality cards, books, and gifts that help you live your faith. Find out more at DaySpring.com.

Listen in anywhere you find your podcasts!

#podcast #podcasts #podcaster #podcasting #podcastlife #podcastersofinstagram #faithpodcast #kidlit #kidlitauthor

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Mar 25

Open
Come learn more about how to chase God's glory through our everyday world and my new children's book on the @incourage podcast today! I'm chatting with Community Manager @beckykeife about the story behind the book and why I'm so passionate about leading others to experience God's glory.
The (in)courage podcast is brought to you by DaySpring. For over 50 years, DaySpring has created quality cards, books, and gifts that help you live your faith. Find out more at DaySpring.com.
Listen in anywhere you find your podcasts! 
#podcast #podcasts #podcaster #podcasting #podcastlife #podcastersofinstagram #faithpodcast #kidlit #kidlitauthor
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