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5 Tips on How to Talk to Kids about Death

I got a text from a friend of mine a few months ago. She explained that she was traveling to Texas to be with her grandkids whose other grandma had just died. She asked if I had any advice on how to talk to the kids. That got me thinking about some of the things I’ve learned these last three years as we have navigated my husband’s death from cancer and the deaths of several others in our community.

I want to first acknowledge that every grief journey is unique. It’s important to be attentive to individual needs and personalities. Everything I have learned has come through trial and error with my three daughters who were ages 2, 5 and 8 when their dad died. I sought counsel from friends who have navigated the journey before me and a trusted grief counselor.

Talking to kids about death can be difficult, but we shouldn’t avoid it. Death is a reality of our life. It’s not possible for me to shield my daughters from the daily dance with death and dying. I want to be the one helping them navigate their emotions and questions. I believe normalizing conversations about death has helped give my children permission to share their feelings and grieve in a healthy way.

Here are 5 tips to keep in mind as you navigate the sensitive topic of death with little ones:

  1. Be direct with your language.

It’s tempting to use vague language to explain that someone died, but this can be confusing for little ones. I have learned that being direct and loving is important. If you have experienced a miscarriage or the loss of grandparent, it’s good to say “The baby died” or “Grandma died” in a direct way. My girls had the unique opportunity to be with their daddy when he breathed his last breath. After he died, we all had to navigate how to speak about it to others. I urged them to simply say, “My dad died.” We tried to avoid saying “He passed away” or “We lost him.”

  1. Do something creative to help them share.

Kids may not know how to express their emotions at first. I have found that engaging my girls in something creative often helps open the door for them to share. Some grief counselors even use creative play with very little ones to help them process. My girls attended a support group through Hinds Hospice after their dad died. Some of their activities included art projects. Each girl decorated a picture frame and shared memories about their dad. It’s more natural to share while doing something together.

  1. Give them permission to cry.

Nothing has created a more powerful connection between my daughters and me than crying together. As parents our instinct is to want to hide our tears and hold it together in front of our kids. I believe it’s important to share tears with our kids when someone dies. They witness how important that person was to you. They also have permission to grieve freely. My daughters gained a sense of empathy in this process. They comforted me and each other when the grief was especially heavy. I’ve watched them do this with others now too. 

  1. Engage them in ways to honor the person who died.

Kids need to feel like they are part of the process. Each year I invite them to help me think of creative ways to honor their dad on anniversaries and holidays. For example, every year on his birthday they join me and we invite friends to do a special workout in their dad’s honor. Their dad loved running and fitness so this is a way we can honor him and his legacy. On the day of his Heaveniversary, we also do special things to remember him like taking a picnic to the cemetery and inviting friends over for a dinner party where we tell stories about him.

  1. Check in often.

Conversations about death and processing grief need to be ongoing. My daughters and I all have different things that trigger our sadness or instigate questions. I have learned it’s important to check in with each other often. We take opportunities to talk in the car on the way to school or even on family trips when we are away from our home environment. I try to schedule “date nights” with each of my girls one-on-one at least once a month so I have the space to listen and let them share.

Be encouraged, friend. You might feel inadequate to navigate these difficult conversations but just showing up is key. I always say a little prayer and ask God to give me ears to hear my children’s hearts and the right words to comfort them. This is our opportunity to share our faith with our kids in a deeper way. If we are willing to step into these hard conversations with our kids, however messy and awkward, we may crack open the door for God to bring healing for them and for us.

 

*I have developed a FREE download for people navigating grief with kids. This includes tips and resources like book titles, movies and other creative projects that have proved useful with my own girls. Opt in here and I’ll slip it gently into your inbox!

**I offer coaching sessions for parents who are helping their kids navigate grief. Interested in some one-on-one help? Message me here.

 

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November 10, 2017 Categories: Navigating GriefTagged: death, family life, Grief, kids, parenting, sharing faith, struggle

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Meet Dorina

Aloha, friend! If you love stories, you are in the right place. I write about grief, glory, running, food, and more. I hope these words inspire you to chase after God’s glory in your life today!

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It’s December 1! 🌟 The start of Advent is upon us! This is my favorite time of the year as we come together to wait, anticipate, and usher in our coming king!

Once again, I’ve prepared a four-part advent devotional for you and yours. The 2023 theme is HESED - steadfast love! 🫶🏾

This experience includes:

🌟A relatable story
🌟Scripture readings
🌟Inspiring teaching
🌟Reflection questions
🌟Audio recording
🌟Music playlist
🌟Recipe for a holiday favorite

All of this is a gift to my paid subscribers this year. Join my Glorygram tribe for $5/month or $50/year: DorinaGlorygram.Substack.com/subscribe or DM me for the link or with any questions! If you’re already a paid subscriber, the experience will be delivered to you automatically. Thanks for supporting this ministry! 🩵

#adventdevotional #advent #devotional #christmas #bible #scripture #christmastradition

Let’s light the candles and dive in together! 🕯️

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Dec 1

Open
It’s December 1! 🌟 The start of Advent is upon us! This is my favorite time of the year as we come together to wait, anticipate, and usher in our coming king!
Once again, I’ve prepared a four-part advent devotional for you and yours. The 2023 theme is HESED - steadfast love! 🫶🏾
This experience includes:
🌟A relatable story
🌟Scripture readings
🌟Inspiring teaching 
🌟Reflection questions 
🌟Audio recording 
🌟Music playlist
🌟Recipe for a holiday favorite 
All of this is a gift to my paid subscribers this year. Join my Glorygram tribe for $5/month or $50/year: DorinaGlorygram.Substack.com/subscribe or DM me for the link or with any questions! If you’re already a paid subscriber, the experience will be delivered to you automatically. Thanks for supporting this ministry! 🩵
#adventdevotional #advent #devotional #christmas #bible #scripture #christmastradition 
Let’s light the candles and dive in together! 🕯️
13 2

Join me today for a walk through psalm 146! We are almost at the end of our study on the entire 5 books of psalms…

We talked and prayed through 4 themes present in psalm 146:
🌟 praise
🌟trust
🌟help
🌟reign

🎁What are you praising God for today? Share in the comments, friend!

🎄Sign up for my 4-part Adventure devotional at https://substack.com/@dorinaglorygram

View

Dec 1

Open
Join me today for a walk through psalm 146! We are almost at the end of our study on the entire 5 books of psalms…
We talked and prayed through 4 themes present in psalm 146: 
🌟 praise
🌟trust
🌟help
🌟reign
🎁What are you praising God for today? Share in the comments, friend! 
🎄Sign up for my 4-part Adventure devotional at https://substack.com/@dorinaglorygram
12 0

When my daughters were little, we started a tradition during the season of Advent. I gathered up different Christmas and winter books and wrapped them. Each night of Advent (starting December 1) the girls would open one of these books, and we would read them together. Advent is a season of preparing for the birth of Christ, which we celebrate on Christmas. Reading these books together has been a sweet way to usher in the season and to center our hearts.

Check out our list here: https://dorinagilmore.com/christmasbookadvent or comment link and I’ll send it to you!

📚 Share your favorite Christmas or holiday book in the comments!

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Nov 29

Open
When my daughters were little, we started a tradition during the season of Advent. I gathered up different Christmas and winter books and wrapped them. Each night of Advent (starting December 1) the girls would open one of these books, and we would read them together. Advent is a season of preparing for the birth of Christ, which we celebrate on Christmas. Reading these books together has been a sweet way to usher in the season and to center our hearts.
Check out our list here: https://dorinagilmore.com/christmasbookadvent or comment link and I’ll send it to you! 
📚 Share your favorite Christmas or holiday book in the comments!
37 8

Now I know it takes time for a family to recalibrate when someone dies. It’s been a decade of Thankgivings since my beloved soared to heaven. Each year has been different. We have learned to blanket ourselves with grace. We have made space for the emotions and grief. We have given ourselves permission to reinvent some of the traditions without throwing aside the memories.

This year, our family made the trek to Southern California to spend Thanksgiving with Shawn’s family. Part of the redemption we have experienced through our grief journey has been in gaining more extended family when Shawn and I got married. My daughters now have a bonus grandma and more aunties, uncles and cousins, who we see regularly. I am deeply grateful for the way the Young-Chan clan has welcomed us with open arms even through years of grief and recalibrating.

I couldn’t help thinking about how God has restored so much in our lives beyond what we could ever imagine. These are my people now. We are part of the family, not just an addendum. We cook and eat and laugh and play games, and it feels natural.

Friend, what are your savoring this year? True thanksgiving doesn’t require perfection or performance. We are simply invited to receive from a God who sees us in the desert and sends streams of water.

{Read the full essay here: https://dorinaglorygram.substack.com/p/when-grief-gives-way-to-joy} #grief #GriefShare #griefsupport #griefjourney #griefandloss #GriefRecovery #griefawareness #joy #joyful #Thanksgiving #thanksgiving2023

View

Nov 27

Open
Now I know it takes time for a family to recalibrate when someone dies. It’s been a decade of Thankgivings since my beloved soared to heaven. Each year has been different. We have learned to blanket ourselves with grace. We have made space for the emotions and grief. We have given ourselves permission to reinvent some of the traditions without throwing aside the memories.
This year, our family made the trek to Southern California to spend Thanksgiving with Shawn’s family. Part of the redemption we have experienced through our grief journey has been in gaining more extended family when Shawn and I got married. My daughters now have a bonus grandma and more aunties, uncles and cousins, who we see regularly. I am deeply grateful for the way the Young-Chan clan has welcomed us with open arms even through years of grief and recalibrating.
I couldn’t help thinking about how God has restored so much in our lives beyond what we could ever imagine. These are my people now. We are part of the family, not just an addendum. We cook and eat and laugh and play games, and it feels natural. 
Friend, what are your savoring this year? True thanksgiving doesn’t require perfection or performance. We are simply invited to receive from a God who sees us in the desert and sends streams of water.
{Read the full essay here: https://dorinaglorygram.substack.com/p/when-grief-gives-way-to-joy} #grief #GriefShare #griefsupport #griefjourney #griefandloss #GriefRecovery #griefawareness #joy #joyful #Thanksgiving #thanksgiving2023
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Are you supporting local businesses today? Consider giving the gift of books this year! Here are five of my book babies for readers of all ages available anywhere books are sold!

📚 Breathing Through Grief (devotional journal)
📚Create in Me a Heart of Mercy (Bible study)
📚Chasing God’s Glory (children’s book)
📚 Cora Cooks Pancit (children’s book)
📚 Walk Run Soar (devotional training journal)

Details at www.DorinaGilmore.com/books #smallbusiness #smallbusinessowner

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Nov 25

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Are you supporting local businesses today? Consider giving the gift of books this year! Here are five of my book babies for readers of all ages available anywhere books are sold!
📚 Breathing Through Grief (devotional journal)
📚Create in Me a Heart of Mercy (Bible study) 
📚Chasing God’s Glory (children’s book)
📚 Cora Cooks Pancit (children’s book)
📚 Walk Run Soar (devotional training journal)
Details at www.DorinaGilmore.com/books #smallbusiness #smallbusinessowner
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