Chasing God's glory down unexpected paths

2019 February

Book review: The Road Back to You

Posted by | book reviews, family life, flourishing, gifts, identity, individuality, relationships, Stories | No Comments

For six Wednesdays, the doorbell rang just a little before 9 a.m. I poured steaming hot water in the French press and pulled goodies from the refrigerator. There were usually four or five us sipping coffee and cozying up under blankets before the fireplace.

We gathered on these mornings for what you might call a “book club.” Of course, The Road Back To You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile, was simply a jumping off point for many conversations about personalities and relationships. The enneagram provided a new pathway for understanding ourselves and the unique way God designed each of us.

What’s the en-eee-ah-gram? Good question.

I know, I know. It sounds like some fancy, scientific term. The enneagram is an ancient personality typing system that helps people discover who they are and what makes them tick, explain Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile in the introduction.

The Road Back to You serves as a practical primer for folks who want to dive into learning about the enneagram and the nine different types. The authors include comprehensive descriptions of each of the numbers with approachable, witty anecdotes.

“Every number on the enneagram teaches us something about the nature and character of the God who made us,” the authors write. “Inside each number is a hidden gift that reveals something about God’s heart.”

I have to admit: I love personality tests. I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs, the Strengths Finder, the animal test, the color test, and a few others. What sets the enneagram apart for me is that this personality typing system feels more nuanced. The more I learn, the more I understand about the healthy and unhealthy tendencies of my personality type.

Some of you may be cringing at the idea of a “type.” It doesn’t mean everyone with the same type has the same personality. The enneagram doesn’t try to box people in. The enneagram simply gives language to talk about how we are wired and what motivates us. It provides a deeper understanding of how God designed us and how to relate with others around us who are designed similarly and differently.

Through The Road Back To You, I learned I have a 7 personality type. That means I’m an Enthusiast. A healthy 7 embodies joy and boundless love for life. The book tells me they are able to incorporate pain and disappointment into the whole of their lives, rather than avoiding it. They are great storytellers, fun, adventurous, spiritually-grounded, practical and resilient.

These are certainly things I strive for. I identified with 15 of the 20 statements that described what it’s like to be a seven. Some examples include: “I’m an optimist to fault,” “Anticipation is the best part of life” and “Life is better than people imagine. It’s all about how you explain things to yourself.”

The more I read, the more I started to feel like someone was reading my journal. I was convicted when I read that a 7 acts like a 1 (Perfectionist) when she is stressed. She is prone to gorging herself on interesting ideas, jamming her calendar with activities, and planning the next great escapade. As I dug deeper, I learned how important it is to practice restraint, moderation and solitude on a regular basis.

Gulp.

My friends identified themselves as a 2 (Helper), 4 (Romantic), 1 (Perfectionist), 9 (Peacemaker), and 8 (Challenger). This made for lively conversation as we each embraced and pushed back on certain traits. We affirmed and coached each other.

On our last meeting, we gathered in a circle carrying the things we learned about ourselves and each other. We prayed over each person, her gifts, her struggles, and her central relationships.

What I discovered is that our time was much more than a book club. It was a sacred journey into our identities as image bearers of God.

The authors frame it this way: “We most delight and reflect the glory of God when we discover and reclaim our God-given identity with which we lost connection shortly after our arrival in this fallen world.”

 

Other enneagram resources you might want to check out:

-Take a quick Enneagram test here: https://exploreyourtype.com

The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships by Suzanne Stabile

The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth by Christopher L. Heuertz

Typology podcast with Ian Morgan Cron

*Do you know your Enneagram number? How has the Enneagram helped you on your journey? Share in the comments.

Grief Journey: Embracing Your Child’s Individuality

Posted by | brave, courage, grief, individuality, Stories, struggle, transitions | 2 Comments

As a mama of three girls ages 2, 5 and 8, there’s a lot I’m still learning. In fact, every day is a wild journey of discovery about my girls and myself. One thing I do know for sure: we are all different.

Read More

You are not forgotten this Valentine’s Day

Posted by | compassion, courage, death, flourishing, friendship, gifts, hope, identity, Incourage essays, inspirational, sharing faith, Stories, struggle, Uncategorized | No Comments

For some of us, this day brings a slow ache. The fragile edges of that lace doily your kid gave you can feel like shards of glass scraping across your tired heart.

Every grocery store stocked with roses near the checkout, every card boutique with aisles upon aisles of cards and heart-shaped boxes of candy, every commercial for romantic dinner packages, every billboard talking about diamonds being a girl’s best friend, and the window displays of that one lingerie shop in the mall remind us of what we lack. They remind us of who and what we are missing.

Friend, I’m here to deliver this gentle but giant Valentine’s Day card right to your door from the one who calls you Beloved.

Yes, I’m talking to you, my widow sister.

This one is written for you, single friend and single mama.

For you, who wears the word divorcee across your chest like a scarlet letter — you’re included.

This letter is for you, little sister in your college dorm, wondering when your time will come.

I’m reaching out to you, the woman whose husband is deployed or distant or working in that other city today.

The God of the Universe sees you today in your desert place and cares deeply about your story. Just as the angel of the Lord found Hagar by a spring of water in the wilderness, He is coming swiftly today to remind you He is El Roi, the God who sees you.

And He calls you Beloved. That is your name, dear one.

He is your Maker and your Husband. He partners with you. He parents with you. He meets you with wisdom, instruction, and grace. He is your Redeemer, the one who brings you new value each day.

You are His bride dressed in white, walking the winding aisle of this life but anticipating the future wedding feast in eternity.

If you feel lonely tonight, remember Him as your first Lover. He is calling you: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone” (Song of Solomon 2:10-11).

His love is steadfast and dependable. He draws you to His chest, and He delights in you. Let Him calm all your fears and insecurities today. He rejoices over you exactly the way He made you with every curve of your body and tender edge of your face.

Sister, if you are longing for a true BFF, our God is the most faithful of all friends. He’s the one who will sit with you at coffee and listen with His eyes. He’s not distracted by His phone or His to-do list. He is focused on you because He created you. He knows you. He sees you as His masterpiece.

You can feel freedom to confide Him, to present your doubts to Him, and to wrestle through all your questions with Him. He can handle you. You are never too much or not enough for Him. He surrounds you like a shield.

Friend, you are precious to our God. You are a Daughter of the King. He lifts your chin with His gentle, strong hands so you can see glimpses of His glory in each day. Crimson-colored roses and boxes of truffles are nice, but they pale in comparison to the sunset He paints in a kaleidoscope of colors for you each night.

He whispers love for you through those gossamer clouds sashaying across the horizon, through that baby girl you cradle in your arms, through the star-studded night sky.

He leaves the other ninety-nine to go after you. You are the one.

He drives out fear every moment with His love. He laid down His life for you. There’s no more romantic gift than that – a God-man who says you are worth the ultimate sacrifice.

Beloved, be loved today.

*You do not need to travel alone. I send out a weekly note of encouragement with fun recommendations, reads and recipes. Subscribe for my Glorygram here

**This post originally was published at www.incourage.me.

 

 

Introducing the Widow Mama Collective

Posted by | death, family life, finishing well, friendship, grief, hope, parenting, Stories | No Comments

I never wanted to be a part of this club.

I never imagined when I was a bride sailing down the aisle at age 25 that 12 years later I would be living “‘til death do us part.” This wasn’t part of the plan or part of a future I ever imagined. 

I am a widow.

That word widow defines me in some sense as one who has lost a husband. It also reminds me that I have loved and grieved deeply.

I remember the early days of my widow journey when my grief was fresh and the future seemed ominous. I was hungry and grateful to connect with other widows who had been down the path. I looked to them for hope, guidance, and assurance that survival was possible. I didn’t dare dream, but they helped me believe there was a way forward.

Friends like Janine and Patty were golden to me as they grabbed my arm and said, “This way.” They reminded me each grief journey is unique. They recognized and acknowledged my pain. They pointed me back to the God of comfort. I am forever grateful and hope to offer this same support to women.

This week I linked arms with three other widows who are mamas to launch the Widow Mama Collective. This is an online group meeting on Facebook to offer regular support, community and resources to widow mamas. Women can join for free by requesting to join the group and answering a few questions. 

I’ve been praying over this passion project for more than a year now. When I’ve had opportunities to speak for events or write online, I often hear from women who are widowing alone. They have little support and very little contact with other widows. When we share our stories and our experiences with others, community is forged and grief lightened. 

I’m excited to introduce my three widow sisters, Lisa Appelo, Tara Dickson, and Becky McCoy. We all met through an online writing group called Hope*writers. Our heart is to offer support and encouragement to these dear women who are in the trenches. We all live in different parts of the country and have different stories. We are all mamas too, which adds a unique element to journeying through grief. We recorded this live conversation on Facebook. Tune in to learn more about our stories.

?If you know of a widow in the throes of mothering, please send her our way. We have a private group on Facebook called the Widow Mama Collective where she belongs. No one should widow alone. ?

Enjoy this blog? Please share so more friends can benefit!